Mayer's Perennially Semi-Complete Dictionary of Music Terms
Mayer's Semi-Pseudo-Complete Music Dictionary
Once upon a time, there was an innocent (?) young girl that
so enjoyed music that she decided to define the more important
terms herself.
So when this Ingenue had come up with a number of definitions,
she decided to put them on the Internet so that others could enjoy,
or be offended by, them as well.
In the beginning was the Heldentenor, who was defined on March 11, 1996,
and he thought he was God. But the Heldentenor was not God.
For indeed it was Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau who is God, and not
the Heldentenor.
All right, now that I've offended enough Heldentenors, sit back,
and relax, and enjoy my terms. Soupy twist.
Alto: 1. a soprano that can sight-read. (Thank you, Alan. Now don't say it again.)
2. A member of a large group of people too chicken to sing high.
Baritone: a mostly pleasant fellow with a round bottom that may or may not know what he's doing.
Bass: 1. a man with a flat bottom. 2. a man that can displace buildings with his voice.
Bassoon: not an animal.
Bennet, John: the man that told us that "all creatures now are merry minded".
Bennett, Richard Rodney: a nice man in New York.
Carrington, Simon: 1. the God of all bass-baritones. 2. the dish of the century. 3. the guy I hope will be one of my main professors at grad school when
I go off to pursue a Master's in Choral Conducting.
Chichester Psalms: the perfect piece of music.
Contralto: something that went out with the British Empire.
Countertenor: an art object in human form.
Elgar, Sir Edward: the fellow that wrote those ripping part-songs.
Fischer-Dieskau, Dietrich: God.
Glass, Philip: a man that writes recitatives.
Heldentenor: a smart-ass that thinks he's God.
If Ye Love Me: my favorite Tudor Anthem with
the exception of the Byrd Haec Dies.
Ives, Charles: two songs for the price of one.
Ives, Grayston: 1. a sweet-voiced tenor. 2. a nice English composer.
Piano: 1. the dynamic that Melanie Baldon does not know (but we love her anyway). 2. the ideal
piece of furniture - you can use it as a musical instrument, a
desk, a dinner table - even a bed!
Stockhausen, Karlheinz: a comic genius with an ego problem.
Tenors: They don't build 'em like they used to.
Vaughan Williams, Ralph: an Englishman that was once a dish.
People have looked things up here 
times.
Back to my lovely (?) parking garage, and
back to Geocities