Amusing Stuff :)

University Lightbulb Jokes - the revised list

(aka An exercise in reinforcing stereotypes... but it's amusing.)

~from east to west, approximately~

How many Mount Allison students does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. None--Sackville doesn't have electricity.
2. Five ... one to do it and four to be in the Maclean's photo of the event.
(yup, that's right... eight years in a row)

How many UNB students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the lightbulb et une personne pour changer la lumière.

How many Saint Mary's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many St. F.X. students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--Antigonish looks better in the dark.

How many Dalhousie students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

How many Acadia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as a Dalhousie student.

How many Agricultural College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--They still use oil lamps.

How many U.C.C.B. students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.

How many Memorial students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

How many NSCAD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change the light bulb, one to hold her clothes, one to call it performance art, and one to post the others' bail.

How many U.P.E.I. students does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. U.P.E.I. has students?
2. Four ... one to change it, three to make sure he isn't using a potato.

How many CompuCollege students does it take to change a lightbulb?
It depends--Is there any money in it for them?

How many U of T students does it take to change a light bulb? Two ... one to change the light bulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Waterloo students does it take to change a light bulb?      Six ... one to design a nuclear-powered bulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuked light bulb, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.

How many Western students does it to change a light bulb?      Five ... one to change the light bulb and four to find the   perfect J CREW outfit to wear for the occasion.

How many McGill students does it take to change a light bulb?      One ... but she can't do it on Friday night.

How many Guelph students does it take to change a light bulb?      Seven ... one to screw it in and six to figure out how to power it on manure.

How many York University students does it take to change a light bulb? Three ... one to take directions from the science student, the science student and one to philosophize about life as a light bulb.

How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a  light bulb?  As many as it takes to find one who can say light bulb in French.

How many Laurier students does it take to change a light bulb?      Five ... they make it a campus affair.

How many Laval students does it take to screw in a light bulb?      One ... but she would insist that the way she did it was distinct.

How many University of Victoria students does it take to change a  light bulb? None ... lava lamps never burn out man!

How many UBC students does it take to change a light bulb?      Four ... one to do it and three to translate the instructions.

How many Simon Fraser students does it take to change a light bulb? Five ... one to change it, one to hold him steady, three to go for more 'shrooms.

How many University of Alberta students does it take to change a light bulb? Five ... one to change it, one to protest for more funding, one to picket for lower taxes, two to turn the vent into a summer festival.

How many University of Calgary students does it take to change a light bulb? Five ... one to change it, two to yell that they did it better   than the U of A, two to market the process and move to the States.

How many University of Lethbridge students does it take to change a light bulb? Four ... one to change it, one to complain about the subterranean campus, and two to explain where Lethbridge is.

How many University of Regina students does it take to change a light bulb?      Two ... one to change it, one to drive the combine.

How many University of Saskatchewan students does it take to change a light bulb?      One ... but he has to wait until after harvest.


82 ways to know if you are Chinese

1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child.
4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
7. You have stuff in the freezer that has been there since the beginning of time.
8. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
9. You have never used your dishwasher.
10. You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.
11. You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
12. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
13. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin container.
14. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
15. You always leave your shoes at the door.
16. You have a piano in your living room.
17. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
18. You iron your own shirts.
19. You play a musical instrument.
20. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
21.You twirl your pen around your fingers.
22. You hate to waste food.
a. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
23. You don't own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
24. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
25. You've eaten a red bean Popsicle.
26. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit peoples homes.
27. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
28. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonalds.
29. Ditto paper napkins.
30. You never order room service.
31. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
a. These travel snacks are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID).
32. You own a rice cooker.
33. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
34. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That's why you need the vinyl tablecloth).
35. Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin that their guests just brought just to be courteous.
36. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or business.
39. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
40. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old.(And they prefer it that way).
a. If you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
41. You don't use measuring cups.
42. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
43. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
44. Your parents house is always cold.
45. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
46. You reuse teabags.
47. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore.
48. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman; if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
49. You mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.
50. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Information costs 50 cents.
51. You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
52. You're a wok user.
53. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
54. You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurants.
55. You like Chinese films in their original un-dubbed versions.
a. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
b. b. Shao-Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
56. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
57. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
58. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached--means they fresh.
59. You never call your parents just to say hi.
60. You always cook too much.
61. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
62. Also, if you don't live at home, your parents always want you to come home.
63. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
64. When you're sick, they also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air
65. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
66. Your parents never go to the movies.
67. Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
68. You use a face cloth.
69. Your parents use a clothesline.
70. You're always late.
71. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
72. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat-sushi.
73. You've joined a CD club at least once. Or twice.
74. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
75. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
76. Your parents are never happy with your grades.
77. You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
78. You keep used batteries.
79. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
80. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
81. You know what MJ means.
82. You've been on the Love Boat or know someone who has

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