| A guy was riding in a taxi and had to ask the driver something, so he reaches forward and taps the driver on the shoulder. The driver screams, drives up on the sidewalk, careens past an old lady, sideswipes a street lamp, knocks over some tables at an outside cafe, topples a newspaper dispenser, nearly hits a fire hydrant, and comes to a screeching halt right in front of a huge, ornate plate glass window. By this time, the passenger is quite scared as well. He timidly says, "Gee, I'm really sorry, I didn't I'd frighten you so much by just tapping you!" The taxi driver replies, "Well, friend, I reckon it's partly my fault too. You see, this is my first day at my new job, and for 20 years I've been driving hearses!" |
| Jokes Page |
| Q: Why are manhole covers round? A: Because manholes are round. |
| Q: What are people called who ride on Greyhound buses? A: Passengers. |
| Although the cost of living is so high, have you noticed how popular it is? |
| I've compiled a few lame jokes here. I would like your ideas of jokes to add to this page! |
| A doctor fell into a well, And broke his collarbone. A doctor should attend the sick, And leave the well alone! |
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| Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, And Jill collapsed with laughter. |
| Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Sit in a tree and act like a nut. |
| Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on it. |
| Q: How did the Germans manage to shoot down so many British planes in WWII? A: Because the British planes had targets on them. (The Royal Air Force's logo is three different colored circles inside each other) |
| Q: What's green and very dangerous? A: Shark infested lime jello. |
| Q: What part of London is in France? A: The letter N. |
| Q: What thing starts with the letter P and ends with the letter E and has thousands of letters in it? A: A Post Office. |
| There was an old man from Peru, Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. He awoke in the night, In a terrible fright, And found it was perfectly true! |
| Q: How many people are dead in that graveyard? A: All of them. |
| Q: A plane crashed right on the border of two countries. Where would you bury the survivors? A: Why would you bury the survivors? |
| Q: A rooster was sitting on the top of a peaked roof. There was no wind, and the building was perfectly level. It laid an egg. Which way did the egg roll? A: Roosters don't lay eggs. |
| There were four old ladies driving along a highway, going very slowly. A police officer came along, and tracked their speed on radar, which was only 8 km/h. He pulled them over. He noticed that the three passengers were all passed out. He asked the driver, "Why are you going so slow? The speed limit is 100 you know!" "No it isn't," the old lady replied, "that sign up there says 8!" The officer looked at the sign and chuckled. "No, ma'am, that's the route number. It says which highway you're on!" The old lady stared at the sign for awhile, then said "I guess you're right, officer!" The officer then asked the lady, "Uh, why are your three friends all passed out?" To this the old lady replied: "Oh, we just got off of Highway 470!" |
| Q: Where does Saddam keep his CD's? A: In a rack. (in Iraq) |
| Jean Chretien went to see the Queen (of England), to get some advice from her, and to ask her how she was such a good ruler. When Jean got there, he asked the Queen, "How come you are such a good leader?" and the Queen replied, "Oh, it's actually quite easy. I just surround myself with smart people. Here, I'll give you a demonstration." So she calls up Tony Blair, and asks him, "Tony, if your father and mother had a child, and it wasn't your brother, and it wasn't your sister, who would it be?" So Tony Blair says, "Well, that'd be me!" The Queen thanks him and says goodbye. "That's how I do it." she says to Jean Chretien. As Jean is flying back home over the Atlantic, he decides that the Queen's idea is pretty good. He decides that he will use the same line on a some politicians back in Canada so he knows who to keep around the next time he shuffles his cabinet. When he arrives back in Ottawa, he calls John Manley to his office. He asks John: "If your father and mother had a kid, and it wasn't your brother, and it wasn't your sister, who is it?" John Manley is kind of taken aback by this question, and doesn't know what to say. "Well, Jean," he replies, "let me think about that one for awhile. I'll come back to you on it." "Okay," Jean Chretien replies. One day when John Manley is walking around the Parliament buildings, he sees Stephen Harper, and he thinks, Stephen's a pretty smart guy. I'll ask him that question, he'll probably know the answer. So he asks Stephen, "If your father and mother had a child, and it wasn't your brother, and it wasn't your sister, who is it?" So Stephen says, "Well, that would be me, wouldn't it?" John Manley quickly thanks him and rushes off to Jean Chretien's office. "Guess what, Jean! I now know the answer to that question you asked me!" So Jean Chretien says, "Well, what is it?" so John Manley proudly says, "Stephen Harper!" To which Jean Chretien replies, "NO you FOOL! It's Tony Blair!!!!" |
| Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit's hole? A: Hot Cross Bunnies. |
| Q: What do you call 30 rabbits walking backwards in a row? A: A receding hare-line. (hairline) |
| Q: What side of a rabbit is the furriest? A: The outside. |
| Diner: "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" Waiter: "That's impossible... I thought we put them all in the raisin-bread!" |
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| Ralph Goodale, Canada's Finance Minister, upon being asked if there will be a surplus this year: "Hah! Do chickens eat pizza? Do ducks drink milk? .... Yes, of course there'll be a surplus". |
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| Q: How do you catch a rabbit? A: Hide behind a tree and make carrot noises. |
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