Ya know, I wasn't always doing this for a living. Believe it or not, I had a family, life and a real job. Keep in mind, by family, I mean I was almost married. Hard to believe, I'm sure. Sometimes I just sit and think about what my life could have been like. I'm sure everyone has wondered what would have happened if they did something differently. Didn't let someone get away, approached a difficult situation and made a life changing choice. Regardless of the situation, at some point in your life. You made that decision. Now you live with it, and every so often, things aren't going how you planned them too. So it comes back to haunt you, you can't stop thinking about how it would have been different. Sure, you say you have no regrets, you don't look back on passed decisions. Sure you don't. Just like I didn't enjoy having a real life, in the real world.

People don't like to feel vulnerable so they say these things to feel better. It's human nature, completely understandable. It's the people that don't address these issues with themselves. They force feed themselves lies so they don't have to live with reality. It's those people that you interact with on a daily basis that make your life hard. Or its the person that ends up throwing themselves off a roof when they can't handle it, "But they seemed so happy..." Two polar extremes, I know, but it's life.

I like to think I've done a lot in my adult years. I've loved, lost love, done things I'm not proud of, worked for people I hate. Been there, done that, I guess.

In this time, I've acquired the stories of how everything went wrong.

They aren't exactly your typical love stories or the stories where the good guy always prevails. If only it was that easy. There is a lot less happiness and good things going on then the TV would leave you to believe. The news doesn't count, they are ruthless bastards and stretch the truth as much as possible. I mean when you watch your TV shows. Like uh, Friends I guess. They all live in a nice little place, most of the time everything going right, then in the middle of the show, they are confronted with a conflict. Then within the course of the eleven minutes and two commercial breaks, problem solved and everything goes on like nothing happen.

That is not real fucking life.

You know that.

I know that.

Though, if I was able to fix my problems in eleven minutes and two commercial breaks, it's safe to say I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today to get by.

I was tired of being an unimportant person doing an important job. It wasn't exactly a fitting title. Anyone could do my job, a handful could be good at it, the others would just get it done. I was working for a member of the Senate in New York. Hard to believe I'm sure, what would someone like myself be doing working for the government? Well, I wasn't. I was working for him personally. A driver, errand boy, bodyguard, whatever he needed me to be that day is what I was doing. Like I said, important job for an unimportant person.

Any of you that believed' that the government is corrupt and don't care about the people. You're correct, these people live double lives. Most are in the pockets of major organized crime syndicates, others are just looking out for themselves. These people are filth, but filth pays well. Usually, you don't just land a job like that out of the blue, actually.. You never do... I had 'connections' I suppose. Before I got involved in that mess, I was a bouncer and private bodyguard. Go figure, another important job that unimportant people do.

I don't pride myself being the biggest or the strongest, but I could do my job and I did it damn good. Though, most of the time I was just dealing with alcoholic lawyers or men in their mid forties just being overly aggressive. That was an upside to working one of the classier places in Manhatten. Clean girls, overpriced bar, and all the people with too much money to spend coming in and out all day. It wasn't a bad gig, most of the days there wasn't any problems at all. When there was, it normally didn't take much to control it either. A stern yell, a strong grab of their arm, it was easy enough.

I took my job pretty seriously, but I take everything I do seriously. I was one of those bouncers that would stand by the stage, a girl not five feet away from me, and I wouldn't even glance. My eyes would be fixed on the scum bags in the crowd, just waiting for the wrong move. That's what I was paid to do, not gawk at girls all night.

I remember one particular night when the guy that got me my jobs came in during the middle of my shift. We'll call him Johnny. He was a tall guy, italian, slicked back hair, leather jackets, you know the type. Good guy though, he knew I could handle most situations so he came to me a lot. He was kind of like an agent. Mostly he brought me my escort jobs, tell me where to meet the guy I was protecting, how much I was getting paid, how long I'd be there, the specifics.

Normally it was just B list celebrities that he knew the agents of and they went to him, or maybe sometimes a state representative. Never anyone who really mattered. It paid well though, so I took the jobs and did them well. I can't say I ever encountered a problem doing those. Who really gives a fuck about celebrities that aren't famous anymore, really?

Either way, then Johnny walked in tonight, there was just something about him that was different. I'm not quite sure what it was, but just something. He came in smoothly and went to his normal table near the back and ordered himself a drink. I was hesitant to walk over because I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but by his passing glances at me, I knew I had to as soon as the whore on stage was finished. I didn't doubt myself often, but with something different being in the air, it just made everything a bit awkward.

"How would you feel about working with us for now on, Vinny?" I didn't even have a chance to fully sit down before he "popped the question". I kinda just looked blankly at him like I didn't know what he meant, but I knew. I wasn't stupid, I just didn't know how to respond. "You'll be getting paid a fuck load more then you are now, I can tell ya that much." Johnny chuckled to himself a bit as he took a sip of his drink. I could tell from his body language he was confident, just leaning back in his seat, arms stretched across the back of the booth. He knew I was going to agree.

"What's involved?" I asked as I leaned in closer.

Johnny took a look over his shoulder and then came off from his relaxed position and leaned on the table. "Nothing too different from what you're doing now man. Just won't be pussy all around ya all the time ya know? I mean, you'll get pussy and stuff, just not like this!" I just stared at Johnny, I was talking business, I wasn't talking about sex. "Right," he tried again, "You'll be taking care of our.. More important clients. Whether it be protection or collecting money, just our all around guy Vinny. I know you take what you do seriously and you'd be perfect." Johnny leaned back again with a shit eating grin on his face like he knew he had me in.

"What's the money like?"

Johnny's smile grew wider, "Almost triple what you're making doing this and the other thing."

I nodded, "That's a lot of money."

Johnny began to look like he was getting impatient as we sat in silence. I was contemplating the offer but I didn't want to jump the gun. It was a tough decision. I had pretty straight up jobs right now and was making a good amount of money. I couldn't get in trouble for what I was doing currently, but I was just asked to work for a guy who'd triple my money, and has been doing what he's doing for god knows how long.

Jumping on big decisions and not thinking them through is the biggest mistakes you can make, especially when it comes to things like this.. Job offers.

"I'll do it."

Johnny downed the rest of his drink then reached into his pocket, a second later he slid a cell phone across the table. "No outgoing, only answer it, we'll call you with your jobs." I just nodded and Johnny got up and left the joint. I just sat there, staring at the phone, trying to decide if I made the right decision. I knew what I had gotten myself into, I'm just not sure if that's what I wanted to get into. I knew Johnny worked in Organized Crime, and I knew he had a lot of big shots working for his boss.

I just had no idea how big.

That's only the beginning of how everything went wrong..