I don't believe in fate. I'm pretty confident that everyone has a choice in their lives. There is defiantly limits to that though, some people are just flat out smarter then others, stronger then others, more whatever then others. There's always something someone is better then you at, and it's just a simple fact of life. That whole 'broken home' cliche doesn't work with me. I'm not going to pretend I had a rough life growing up, I didn't, but there are a lot of people that did. Sure, it could be a total mind fuck to some people, but they can also over come it if they want to. They have to have the motivation to overcome though, if they let their lives go to shit and don't try and change anything. It's going to go to shit. I think it's more of an excuse then anything, an excuse to be lazy, to be violent, to be whatever they want to be. Hell, it could be an excuse to get out of the situation, to move onto other things. Sadly, most of the time it's used as an excuse in the negative form.

The choices you make are the choices that decide your life. If you decide to get hooked on crack and PCP, well you're fucked. Until you decide to make the choice to clean up your life and do what you can to move on. The problem isn't broken homes, the problem is lack of motivation. If people would carry themselves better and work for what they want, eventually, if they know their limits, they will reach that goal. Maybe I think this cause I'm delusional and never had to live that way of life, sure, maybe. But I have had the chance to destroy everything I had and I took it. I made the wrong choice and I was at rock bottom.. But I picked myself up and moved on. I moved away from those problems and made the right decisions to get back on track.

You can't always have what you want, but you can always have better then what you already have.

Narrow minded, maybe, but it's true.

I had been working for the Scavello's for a couple weeks now, just doing not so exciting things. Playing bodyguard here, driving someone there, nothing exciting, I assure you. I didn't think much of it, it actually wasn't that bad at the time. It was hardly different from what I had been doing, just like Johnny told me, and it paid a whole helluva better then what I had been making. I didn't change my living style too much, I already had most of what I needed. I was certainly paying the rent easier and having more money to toy around with but mostly, I was saving. I'm not stupid with money, I know how things can change ever so quickly, so I like to make sure I'm safe just incase anything did happen to me and I needed to place a large money order paid to the order of whoever.

I remember that night ever so clearly. Sitting at my dining room table, a bottle of water in front of me, just like any other night after I got done down in the gym. It was just my thing and still is. I end every night the same way, a light work out, a bottle of water, and then bed. This night however, was different, if it wasn't, I wouldn't remember it.

I was about half way through my bottle of water when the cell rang. I kept it near me most of the time so it was hardly ever out of a my reach and hardly ever got passed the first ring.

I answered it without saying a word.

"Got something different for you tonight." It was Johnny on the other end, he sounded pretty excited, I couldn't say I felt the same. "Okay" was my only response as I got up from the table and made my way to the counter, where a pen and pad of paper waited. "The boss likes you, thinks you been doing a good job, it's time for your first real assignment. You ready?" I was hesitant, I knew this day would be coming but I didn't expect it anytime soon. "Yeah go." Pen in hand ready to jot down whatever I had to and then to prepare myself for whatever lay ahead.

"The bunny palace, torch it, fifteen grand, you got three days." Then he hung up. I was taken back for a moment, this wasn't what I signed up to do, but I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I put down the cell phone and just stood there over the pen and paper staring at the specifics.

The Bunny Palace is where I used to work, I knew the place like the back of my hand. I knew the crowd, the girls, the everything. Why the fuck would they send me there? It ran through my head for a minute that maybe they were setting me up. Why though? They had no reason, I dismissed that thought. Maybe it's exactly those reasons, I knew the place, I knew the crowd and how everything worked. Maybe cause no one would suspect me cause I had a few years of service there. Then I asked myself, why the Bunny Palace? All kinds of questions just kept reoccurring, it's something I knew I was going to have to teach myself not to do. You don't ask questions in that business, you just do what you're told.

I couldn't stop thinking about what I was asked to do, I had one day left and the passed two I just sat out in front looking at the entrance. It was really bothering me for quite awhile, then just out of nowhere, all my worries went away. I'm not sure what came over me, but something hit me and I just felt like everything was going to be okay. Maybe I had a epiphany and didn't even realize it. Maybe something crossed my mind I hadn't thought of and it just made everything better, who knows, it doesn't matter. All that mattered was that the job was going to get done and it was going to get done right.

The Palace closed at three in the AM. So I had a couple more hours to finish my job, but I knew exactly how it was going to get done. It wouldn't take more then a couple minutes, in and out.

I had purchased a small can of lighter fluid from the smoke shop down the street from my place and I was ready. I wouldn't exactly say I was pumped up and wanted to do this and keep on doing it, but I was ready and the job was going to get done.

I learned to love this part.

I knew everything about this place, the exits, the fire escapes, the foot traffic, I knew it all like I knew the back of my hand. My steps were easy, each foot hitting the pavement with no weakness or regret, this was business. I knew the guy at the door, I shaked his hand and moved right passed him, no cover charge for me tonight, or anyone else for that matter. When I stepped into the place, the strong odor hit me, I haven't been in the place for a couple weeks so the stench of the beer and bad perfume was stronger then ever.

As I glanced around the place, it was all old faces, everyone smiling and nodding or waving at me as I passed them. I hardly paid attention to anyone as I walked through the joint. It looked like a pretty packed night, plenty of guys crowded around the stage, hooting and hollering trying to get the girls attention, just hoping that some titties will be rubbed all over their face. Something's never change. I didn't and don't have any sort of high moral code, but I as I walked through the Palace, I just knew this had to be done. I figured that the owner owed my boss some money and never paid, but as I walked through the place, I knew for me, that I had to do this. I thought it before, but any hesitation was gone, I was ready to light this place up.

The ladies bathroom is where I would start it. The dancers had their own bathroom in the back and it isn't too often you see girls in this place, so it was the perfect place. It was also way across the joint from the men's bathroom and the only people to venture over there are the ones that the dancers know have money, so they would take them to the dark corner near the ladies bathroom. I worked my way towards it pretty slowly, shaking hands and making quick small talk with old friends. When I was just a few steps away, I noticed them. A dancer had some guy in a business suit back in the corner, just what I needed, some tool getting his jollies off where I needed to do business. I stopped near the stage, but where I could still keep an eye on the two, and pretended to mind my own business. I couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but it seemed like I was standing there forever. It felt different being here and not doing what I was so used to doing. I kept taking scans over the crowd, and it was coming back to me like nothing, maybe it never left, but picking out the bad apples from the crowd seemed easier then ever.

It'd been at least fifteen minutes I had been standing waiting for those two to finish up, and frankly I was getting tired of it. I knew it was risky but I moved to them, slightly raising my voice when I was close enough to be audible to them.

"Hey you, I think it's time you moved on." I said sternly, the girl had her back to me and she turned around to look over her shoulder, she was new and I had no clue who she was. "Why don't you get out of here, I'm working." Her attitude was strong and it had struck a bit of a nerve with me. I took a step in and grabbed her by the shoulder. Sean one of the bouncers in the place wasn't too far from where we were and obviously saw me. "Get off me!" She yelled, the guy she was servicing was about to say something as he took a step forward towards me, but was met with me pushing him back into the wall, "Don't bother, and you listen to me," I directed to the girl. "How much you getting paid for this?" She looked a bit confused, "I'll give you double if you stop and get out of here." The guy was about to say something again, but all it took was a quick glance at him and that was it. "Fine." She murmured.

So I paid her. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking, it was obviously suspicious behavior and god only knows how that didn't screw me in the long run. I waited a bit before I made my next move though, I made it seem like I just wanted to stand there, yeah, pretty inconspicuous I know. But that's what I did, I just leaned up against the wall and watched what was going on around me for a bit, the bathroom door wasn't more then three steps away from me and I knew I could be in and out in a matter of minutes. I guess it would take at least ten for the blaze to spread out of the bathroom, so I had more then enough time to get out shake some hands and then sit and watch.

I needed a cigarette before I did this. I didn't smoke very often, only when I was a bit stressed, take the nerve off and god damn did it feel good. Unfortunately, since smoking is banned in public places in New York, it wasn't going to happen out here. Then I thought to myself for a minute, took one last quick glance around, and then stepped into the bathroom.

Dimly lit and obviously hardly used it seemed bigger then I remember. I took a glance around and checked the trash can, there was some old used paper towels in there. That's where it was going to start and it was going to because some patron thought they could get away with smoking in the bathroom, and being drunk and stupid throwing the butt in a trash can. Discreet enough I thought.

I reached into my pocket and held my smokes and the can of lighter fluid in one hand, as I worked open the top and lifted a smoke to my mouth. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion at this point, with every drag of the cigarette everything seemed to slow down a bit more. It was an odd feeling, maybe it was from the adrenaline pumping or maybe I was just scared, I can't remember exactly, but it's safe to say it was a bit of both.

Before I took my last drag, I flipped the top of the lighter fluid and squeezed a bit into the trash can then took my last drag.

I made it out of there pretty quick. No one seemed to notice, the guys I knew just thought I was stopping in for old time sake it seemed, which I was going for. I walked pretty quick after I made it out. I parked a few blocks down the street.

Once I reached my car, I just sat there for awhile. I could still somewhat see the entrance to the club, I could see enough. I couldn't tell you how long I sat there or how long it was before people started pouring out the club and a faint sound of a fire engine's siren could be heard in the distance. I guess I was in some state of shock, I don't know really. I just sat there looking at the people running out of the club, the listening to the sirens, watching the people on the sidewalks wondering what was going on.

Then the phone rang. It broke me out of whatever state I was in. I took a nice deep breath and answered it. It wasn't Johnny.

"Good job, kid. We'll drop your money off tomorrow."

Yeah... Good job.