Unforgiveness & Bitterness

"I have been hurt so much, it will take me a long time to forgive and forget."

Do not make this stupid statement and adopt this foolish attitude. This is especially true if you are a Church leader. Your attitude will set an example for others to follow in your sinful ways, and reap the same tragic consequence.

While we were yet sinners and enemies of God, God sent His son to die on the cross for our sins (Romans 5:8-10). On God's part, our sins have been forgiven in Christ even while we were yet sinners. God demands that we do likewise (Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:14-15). He wants us to forgive everyone who has sinned against us.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through Him! For it, while we were GOD'S ENEMIES, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!
(Romans 5:8-10)

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that you Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
(Mark 11:25)

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
(Matthew 6:14-15)

Holding onto unforgiveness and bitterness is a totally vain and useless exercise in pride and disobedience to the clear command of God. The one who is bittter hurts only himself and not the offending party. In fact, unforgiveness is the greatest cause of sickness, mental and physical, in the body of Christ today. Unforgiveness is a luxury no child of God can afford even for one day.

When the Lord Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He highlighted only one aspect of interpersonal relationship in the model Lord's Prayer. This was on "forgiving the sins of others" (Matthew 6:12). After teaching His disciples the Lord's Prayer, Jesus again repeated only one point out of the whole prayer, the point of "forgiving the sins of thers" (Matthew 6:14-15). Jesus did this because it is a key condition to walking in God's love and salvation. Jesus highlighted this aspect because it has eternal consequences for us, either for good or evil.

This is how you should pray:
Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name.
Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors."
(Matthew 6:9,12)

2. God will not forgive us if we do not forgive others.
If we do not forgive those who have sinned against us, God will not forgive us our sins (Matthew 6:14-15). And if we die in this sin, all our sins are still on us, and we will lose our salvation. Many believers risk going to the eternal fires of hell because they enjoy holding onto unforgiveness today.

They take the warnings of God lightly. They will say: "I am saved by grace alone." I have believed in Jesus as Savior and I will be saved forever." This is a true only if we repent of our sins. Salvation by grace does not give us the licence to disobey God and lived in deliberate sin. Salvation by grace is only possible if we repent (Matthew 4:17; Acts 2:38). Repentance includes turning away from unforgiveness and bitterness daily.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
(Matthew 6:14-15)

3. God will no longer answer our prayers when we have bitterness in our heart.
When we have unforgiveness in our hearts, God will not hear our prayers (Psalm 66:18; Mark 11:25). Those who have bitterness in their heart and pray to God at the same time are deceiving themselves. No matter how fervant their prayer is, they are only putting on a vain religious show, wasting their time and breath for nothing.

If I had chrished sin in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened.
(Psalm 66:18)

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

God will no longer bless us when we have unforgiveness in our heart. Our prayers, no matter how sincere, will no longer be answered by God. Our unforgiveness have separated His blessings from our lives.

Although many still seemed to be "blessed" in spite of their unforgiveness, it is only an illusion. The blessings of God have already stopped flowing into their life once they begin to hold onto unforgiveness. It is only a matter of time before the devil brings total destruction into their life.

4. Our unforgiveness opens a door for demons to torment us today and forever.
Our Lord Jesus specifically declared that our Father in heaven will allow us to be tormented by demons when we do not forgive others (Matthew 21:35). This was the main lesson of the Parable of the Unmerciful Servan (Matthew 18:21-35).

Many believers boldly declared that the devil cannot touch them because they are covered by the blood of Jesus. This is true only if we forgive others and repent of all our sins. However, if we walk in deliberate sin, e.g. idolatry, withcraft, immorality, unforgiveness, etc., then we have no protection from the devil and his demons.

In fact, our sins open a door to the devil to kill, steal and destroy in our lives (Ephesians 4:26-27; John 10:10). And God will not and cannot protect us. In fact, God will willingly allow the demons to torment us because of the sins of unforgiveness in our live (Matthew 18:21-35). Unforgivveness gives such a wide door to the devil to gain a foothold in our lives because all our other sins remain unforgiven if we hold onto unforgiveness

In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
(Ephesians 4:26-27)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
(John 10:10)

The devil know the Bible better than all believers. He knows his legal rights. He goes before God to accuse the brethren of their sins day and night (Revelation 12:10). If there sins were not repented of and were not washed away by the blood of Jesus, then the devil has a legal right to destroy the believers who walk in sin.

In the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, the king forgave a servant of a great debt. Howeer this servant was not willing to forgive his fellow servant of a small debt. Because of this, his master was furious and handed him over to the tormentors. Jesus declared that our heavenly Father will like wise do to us if we do not forgive our fellow believers (Matthew 18:21-35).

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus asnwered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began his settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.

"But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me. And I will pay you back.'

"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the joilers [tormentor] until he should pay back all he owned.

"This is How my heavenly Father WILL TREAT YOU unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
(Matthew 18:21-35)

God will allow demons to "torment us", to "torture us" when we have unforgiveness in our heart. We will be oppressed mentally and be sick physically, going from bad to worse, until we repent. Our lives will be opened to the destructive work of demons, who will cause failures and defeas in our family, our business and our ministry in due course.

And when we die in our unforgiveness, they will be no release from such demonic torment. Our sins will separate us from God and we will be tormented forever by demons and the fires of hell forever.

5. Our bitterness will cause our personality to become demonic and defile others.
A person who has unforgiveness will continue to add sin to sin daily in his life. Bitterness in a person is like a root that sents forth many wicked branches, including suspicious, insecurity, sensitivity to innocent remarks, rebellion, hatred of all men, pettiness, critical spirit, confusion, indifference and sarcasm.

Such a person becomes bound by different demonic spirit as they respond in evil ways to others out of bitterness in their heart. Their personality slowly becomes more and more demonic and less and less like Christ.

Such a person becomes very difficult to get along with because he will be difficult to please. Such a person will find fault with everyone around them and defile many with his actions and words. A person with bitterness in his heart will color every conversation with criticism and sarcasm. He no longer enjoys the peace and joy of God and robs others of their peace and joy also when he interacts with them. In this way, he defiles many (Hebrews 12:15).

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
(Hebrews 12:15)

A person who walks in bitterness has already missed the grac of God. Although the grace of God is free, none of this grace will touch his life and bless him because he deliberately rejects it by his bitterness.

6. We must forgive no matter how often or wicked the sin against us is.
Some justify their unforgiveness by declaring that sin against thme by others, e.g., by their parents, their former spouse, their relatives, their former bosses, is so evil that is cannot be forgiven. This is a deception of the devil. No sin that another commit against us can ever be greater than the sins we have committed day in and day out against God's holy majesty.

And if God can forgive us our great sins against Him, can we not forgive the small sins man commit against us? We can and we must. It is God's command. All it takes is an act of the will, whereby we tell God with our mouth that we forgive everyone who hurts us, because He has forgiven us our sins first.

However, in order to forgive others, we must first know God's love and God's forgiveness of our sins. We must know that we were all very wicked sinners in God's sight who all deserved to go to the eternal fires of hell. When we know that we have been forgiven much by God, then we can love God more and forgive others in return (1 John 4:19; Luke 7:36).

If we fell that we were only "small sinners" who have been forgiven little by God, then we will love others very little (Luke 7:47). We will then find it hard to forgive others.

We love because He first loves us.
(1 John 4:19)

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.
(Luke 7:47)

Believers who find it hard to forgive others are those who think too highly of their past moral behavior and too lightly of their sins against God. Essentially they are self-righteous people, hypocrites like the Pharisees who think that others are "great sinners" while they are "sinless." How wrong, how deceptive, and how dangerous to their soul's eternal destiny.

Jesus declard that we must always forgive, no many how often we have been sinned against, no matter how great the sin against us is (Matthew 18:21-22).

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to setne times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
(Matthew 18:21-22)

Your thought:

1. What are the excuses believers give for holding onto unforgiveness?

Are these reason valid in God's sight?

2. Why is unforgiveness such a dangerous sin in a believer's life?

Discuss the temporal and eternal consequences.