All Copyright applies. See first section for notice.
Pyramids*27
Lee didn’t know what to do or where to go. Part of him wanted to grab a viper and fly
over to Pegasus. He chuckled. He knew he’d end up in the brig for it and
secondly, he didn’t think he’d actually have the strength to fly it yet. ‘Maybe for
He didn’t notice Starbuck arrive. He didn’t know who had pulled his arm, but the next second he was moving backward into the chief’s office. “What do you…” His question died off when he finally saw who it was. “Get the frak away from me before I kill you, Lieutenant.”
His voice was cold and Kara was beginning to believe it. “Lee. I’m sorry. I was desperate.” She pleaded with him. “Listen to me!”
“Listen to you? I thought you were my friend. I thought you cared about me. Sure, you have a stupid way of showing it most of the time, but… DAMN IT KARA! You set me up. You kept that message from me. How could you?”
She slugged him. “I’m trying to tell you. I’ve tried to tell you for months. I LOVE YOU, you idiot! It seemed like the only way I could convince you.” She stepped back, praying her words got through to him.
Lee shook his head. “No. That’s not love, Kara. I don’t know what it is, but you don’t love me.”
“You’re wrong, Lee. I do. And if you give yourself time, you’ll see you love me too.” No matter what, she had to try.
“You’re insane! I DON’T LOVE YOU! How could I love you like that?”
“You told me you loved me. On Kobol? You kissed me and told me you loved me all in the same day. Lee, don’t you see? It’s in your heart.”
Lee was quiet, reliving the whole ugly event. “You misunderstood me. I was caught up in things.”
“No, I didn’t. We both know we’ve been fighting this thing between us. If she hadn’t ever come back, we’d have come to this. I had to force the issue.”
“You forced the wrong issue, Kara.” He had quieted. It was so utterly ridiculous to him, that he couldn’t help it. “Kara. You loved Zak, not me. It’s only natural to confuse it. You lost him tragically and blamed yourself. I couldn’t blame you when you told me. I was angry, but I knew you were harder on yourself then I could have ever been. Dad must have known that too. You want me to be Zak. I do love you, but not like you want. I’ll always care.” He stopped, thinking about what he’d just said. “No. I take that back. I don’t know if I can care about you ever again. You took what I loved most in the world from me. Zak was one thing. It was an accident. This…” He looked her straight in the eyes. “I’ll never forgive you for what you did.”
She grabbed his arm and tried to hold him there in the room. It couldn’t end like this. “No, Lee, please. Give us a chance… PLEASE…” Tears flowed down her face.
He walked out without ever looking back. He found his father in his office. “I need to get back to Pegasus.”
Adama was stunned. “Why so sudden?”
Lee couldn’t tell his father what had happened. It was too humiliating. He needed to get off Galactica, get away from the memories. “It’s important.”
“Doctor Cottle won’t release you. You know
“There’s more. I need
you to have Lieutenant
A cold chill went down Adama’s spine. “Why?”
“We can’t work together.” Lee offered no details.
“You always have. I’ve tried to talk to Cain about this. She won’t budge.”
“Things change.”
“Lee, I think you need to tell me more.”
“No. I don’t. Thanks anyway.” He turned on his heel and left. Frak the consequences, he was going to Pegasus. Despite having no medical clearance to do so, he had a viper prepped and flew over to Pegasus. He hadn’t pulled anything special, but the G-forces already pulled at his body. He cursed his state.
He made it as far as Life Station before Diana stopped him. “No, Lee. It’s too much. I won’t let you hurt her again.”
Lee shook his head. “Diana! I need a chance to explain. It was an accident. We…” He wasn’t about to explain it to her first. “I need to talk to her.”
Diana stood strong. “I’m not sure she’s ready to hear anything you have to say Lee. She needs some time to calm down first.”
“No. More time is not what is needed. We need to clear this up before it goes too far.”
Diana laughed. “Goes too far? Did you hear what you just said? No, Lee. Go home.”
Lee’s eyes swam with pain.
Diana was tempted to feel sorry for him and tell him where he could find
Lee’s face tightened with emotion. In a voice barely above a whisper, he asked. “Diana, please don’t give up on us. I promise you. I will prove we are meant to be together.”
“Lee? How much more do you think she can take?”
Lee’s lips turned up slightly. “You see, that’s it. Everyone else protects her. I know what she’s made of and I know she can handle anything. We can get through this.”
Diana looked at him. “I almost believe you.”
When Lee had left Life Station,
BSG…BSG…BSG
Kara Thrace stayed in the office until she’d regained control
of her emotions. She went directly to
her viper and flew back to Pegasus.
She’d missed Lee thankfully. It
made no sense, but she thought if she showed Lee she was really concerned about
him, it might just work in her favor.
She was about to track
She stopped in her place. “Yes, Sir?”
“Where were you last night?” He demanded. He obviously wasn’t happy.
“I was delayed on Galactica.” She reported crisply.
“Lieutenant, you may be used to indulgences on the Galactica, but that kind of irresponsibility will not be tolerated here. Normally, I’d send you to the brig but in this case, it so happens we need a pilot to fly CAP. You’re it.”
Although she knew she was getting off easy, she tried to get out of it. “Sir, I was on my way…”
He cut her off. “LIEUTENANT! You will carry out your orders. Is that understood?”
She saluted. “Sir, yes, Sir.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
“
“I need to warn you.” Gina stated bluntly, suddenly somber.
“What? Warn me? About what? Gina, no one is after me. If Zarek were, he wouldn’t dare try anything again. He barely survived the last attack.”
“No, it’s not Zarek.” Gina scanned the room, as if she really expected someone to be there. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “It’s Cain.”
“She’s not a happy woman. Things aren’t going her way.” She paused. “I’ve been trying to convince Doctor Baltar to transfer me to Galactica. I don’t trust her anymore. She’s in bed with the wrong people. I don’t want to get caught in between and neither should you.”
“You told Lee the truth?” Gina asked.
“Baltar talks a lot.” She paused.
“He also told me about
“The pregnant Cylon being held on Galactica. I figure that’s why I haven’t been moved already.”
“I don’t know anything about her.”
“You can cure her.”
“No, Roslin. Her cancer. Use the stem cells from the umbilical cord.”
Gina grew deadly serious. “Do you really want Zarek to become President? He will you know. Despite every reason to doubt him, the foolish humans will elect him president. The only person who can defeat him is Roslin.”
“
Gina smiled. “No,
BSG…BSG…BSG
Adama had tried to get his son to open up to him but hit a stonewall each time. He opted for the next available involved party, Kara Thrace. He found her working out in Pegasus’s gym, beating the stuffing out of the weight bag. “Remind you of a particular Cylon?”
She hadn’t noticed his arrival and his words startled her. She delivered one last blow before responding. “Not one in particular.”
He nodded. “Just as long as its not a particular Captain we both know.”
She looked almost scared. “Why would you say that?”
Adama glanced around and fumbled with the bag. He always managed to seem disinterested in the conversation and yet you knew he was utterly focused. “He asked that you be transferred back to Galactica when he returns. He said he could no longer work with you.” Now he looked directly at her. “Know why?”
She turned away from his gaze. It was overpowering her. “No, sir. No idea.”
“Nothing happened?” She couldn’t form her answer fast enough. “I think you owe me the truth Kara.”
She shook her head. “You don’t want to hear it.”
“I’m asking.”
She pulled at the gloves on her hands. “I frakked up.” She added, “as usual.”
“And this somehow caused the latest rift between
She hated her beloved Commander at that moment. She hated that he asked her to tell him everything and yet seemed to already know. “I guess. I think it’s all for the better though. He’s better off without her.”
Adama sighed. He hadn’t wanted this to be true, but it was obvious. “You think he’d be better with you? Is that what happened, Kara?”
She refused to answer for a few minutes. His penetrating glare wore her down. “Don’t you?” She actually believed he would support her.
“No.”
His short and direct answer blew her away. She mumbled her question. “Why not? Why not me?”
“He loves her.”
“He loves me, too.”
“Not like that. He needs her. He needs her love.”
“I’ll admit that he needs love, but not hers. How is hers so different?”
Adama was angry. He loved Kara Thrace. It would never change, but he wondered why he had to be the one to spell it out for her. “She loves him unconditionally. He needs that.”
“HE HAS THAT!” She roared. She didn’t understand him. “He has you and I. We love him unconditionally. How is she so different?”
Adama smiled. “She doesn’t expect him to change. She doesn’t make demands of him. She simply loves and supports him.” He chuckled. “You and I don’t have a good track record of that with him.” He added, “no matter how much we love him.”
“I support him!”
Adama raised an eyebrow. “You’ve always done what he’s asked? You’ve always put his best interests above your own? You’ve never challenged him for no good reason?”
She stuttered. “So I challenge him now and again. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him. It makes him think… He needs that too.”
Adama nodded. “Yes,
but he gets that from both of us… From
She said nothing. She refused to look at him either. She knew if she did the tears that burned behind her closed lids would flow freely down her cheeks.
She could hear him turn to leave. He risked a glance over her shoulder and saw him pause in the doorway. “You can’t have him, Kara, but if you love him, make this right!”
He was gone. His honest words shot through her heart and left a raging wound. She knew he was right. She sank to her knees and allowed the hot tears to run. It wasn’t fair. She pounded the floor. Suddenly her mother’s image flashed in her brain. “Ain’t nothing fair in this world, Karagirl. Nothing! Deal wit it!”
BSG…BSG…BSG
Adama left Kara frustrated and angry as well. He knew he had been blessed with an
opportunity to be a real father to his son.
He had an opportunity like few others who had lost their loved
ones.
He knocked at Admiral Cain’s office door and held his breath. He knew this wasn’t going to go well, but he also knew he had to try.
“Commander? What brings you here?” Cain didn’t bother rising from her desk. She barely acknowledged his presence.
“I need to talk to you about some staff reassignments.” His voice was devoid of emotion.
“Really? What assignments?” Cain suspected she knew what was coming and she’d been secretly awaiting it.
“It concerns Captain Adama and Lieutenant
She smiled. “Let me guess, you want them back on Galactica? You’ve enjoyed having your son back on board?”
Adama choked down the response he really wanted to offer. “Admiral Cain, there has been no pleasure in the circumstances that brought my son back to the Galactica.” He was about to state his request, when she cut him off.
“No.”
“You haven’t heard my request.”
She stood to assume a more command posture. “I don’t care. I have it on good authority that Captain Adama will be returned to full duty shortly.”
Adama’s eyes narrowed. “That’s correct.”
“He will remain on Galactica. I want Major Collins here.”
Adama was stunned. He
wished he were happier, but he didn’t trust the Admiral. “Lieutenant
“Will remain on Pegasus. She needs the discipline.” Cain leveled her gaze at the Commander, daring him to challenge her.
She didn’t get it. “Why the change?”
“Aren’t you happy to have your son back? Isn’t that the request you were going to make?”
“No.”
Cain smiled even further, knowing she had guessed correctly. “Let me guess. You wanted Lee here so he could attempt to reconcile with my doctor?”
Adama conceded the point. “Yes, you’re right. I’m curious. At one point, you seemed a big fan of this couple, why the change? Surely you can see this is a short term situation for them?”
“No. I don’t see that. I was in error before.” Her voice became almost a sneer. “You may have your precious son back, Commander. That is all.”
Adama longed to argue further, but sensed defeat. He didn’t like it, but knew he needed to live to fight another battle.
Adama returned to Galactica and found Lee in his room, packing his things. “I’ve got good news.”
Lee looked at him, expressionless. “What’s that?”
“You’ve been reassigned.”
Lee tried to force a smile. “Let me guess, security on the Rising Star?”
Adama laughed, hoping his news would lighten his son’s mood. “No, here. You’ve been reassigned to Galactica and back as CAG of course.”
Lee groaned and sank to the bed. “NO!”
Adama stepped further into the room and allowed the door to close. “You don’t want this?” He added. “Kara will stay on Pegasus.”
“Dad…” He corrected himself. “Commander, I wanted to be reassigned to Pegasus.”
“Why?” Adama was hoping this was enough to get his son to open up to him.
Lee shook his head, wondering what he had done to offend the lords. “For starters, my men on Pegasus tried to kill me. I have to go back or I’ll always be looking over my shoulder.”
“So, pride?” Adama asked, with a slight grin.
Lee was angered by his dad’s lack of understanding. “Safety. And
Adama played dumb. “I thought you were through.”
Lee’s voice slumped. “I hope not. Maybe we are…”
Adama crossed to Lee’s side and took the spot next to him. “No, you’re not. You haven’t told me what happened, but I know it was serious. The relationship needs time to heal. I have a strong suspicion, you’ll find each other.”
Lee shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“Lee, give me your eyes.” Adama commanded. Lee didn’t respond, so he repeated the request again. Finally, Lee met his eyes. “Do you love her?”
Lee’s face scrunched up in frustration. “You know I do!”
Adama smiled. “Were you or were you not planning on leaving the fleet when you married her?”
Lee was stunned. “How…”
Adama shook it off. “It doesn’t matter. It says a lot about how much you love her.”
Lee was again a little boy, filled with awe at his father’s presence. “I thought you’d be angry. At the very least disappointed.”
“I might have been… at one time. The more I thought about it, well… I think I’m jealous.”
Lee raised his own incredulous eyebrow. “Jealous?”
“I got to wondering what my life would have been like had I loved your mother enough to leave the fleet. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t think of a life without flying.”
“I was gonna fly for an emergency service.”
“I know. You found a way to ensure your own happiness, as well as your bride. I was jealous.”
Lee grew confused. “I don’t get it. You sound like you want us together, yet you want me here.”
Adama grinned. “Safety? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?”
Lee shook his head. “That won’t work.”
He chuckled. “I know. So, I made some other plans.”
“Other plans?” Lee didn’t want to know. He respected his father in many ways, but he didn’t see him as a master strategist in matters of love.
“I ordered Kara to make this right.” Adama was very pleased with himself.
Lee groaned even louder then before. “No, dad, you don’t understand. She…”
Adama laid a hand on his son’s shoulder. “No, you don’t understand. I can’t really explain, but think about this. Has Starbuck ever failed us?”
“Dad…” Lee wasn’t going to concede the point.
Adama laughed. “Ok, that doesn’t sound right, but trust me. She’ll work her magic. Remember? She lives outside the box.”
Lee couldn’t reply. He had absolutely no idea whether to laugh or cry. His dad grabbed the shirt from his hand. “You can unpack now.” He walked to the door.
Lee called to his departing father. “Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“What you said earlier… You don’t fly anymore.” Lee mused reflectively.
Adama suppressed the wave of melancholy that surged through him. “I know. Hindsight is great stuff. Hell of a lesson to learn though.” He didn’t say more. It was hard enough making the confession.
BSG…BSG…BSG
She struggled to find a plan. Kara Thrace knew she couldn’t pull this mission off without backup. She tracked Ying and Yang down and pulled them into her plan. They knew her target better and would be able to offer better intelligence. They were more then willing to cooperate.
Tommy glanced at the video camera in his locker and looked back to Kara. “I think I have an idea or two.”
A week had passed, but without luck.
Grabbing fresh clothes, she walked unsteadily to the showers, determined to feel better. A few minutes later, she hung her wet towel on a hook and glanced at the mirror on her locker door. Bending down to see if she had anything that would make her feel better, she glanced at the small calendar hanging inside. She noted that she hadn’t changed the month over. She reached out to do so, bringing it closer and cold shudder passed through her as she noted the date. “FRAK FRAK FRAK!”
She knew she couldn’t see
Cottle hadn’t been happy to see her and like the circumstances even less. As he personally drew the blood sample, he muttered various insults over and over. Kara ignored them, too panicked about the possibilities. “So, when will you know the results?”
He eyed her suspiciously. “I suppose I can’t just let the lab run this? Gotta do it myself?”
She smiled. “That’s awful nice of you Doc.”
He frowned. “Call me tomorrow.”
She bounced off the bed. “So, no one will know, right?”
He frowned even more. “No. Just you and I. Until you tell the father.”
She summoned stubborn courage. “There won’t be a need. It’s gonna be negative.”
“I hope so. The last thing this fleet needs is you pregnant.”
Some might have thought the doctor’s comment was harsh, but Kara couldn’t have agreed more. “Your lips to the lords’ ears.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
“Doctor Davis! Nice to see you again!” He said warmly.
“Fine, thanks, Ma’am. Yourself?” He’d let the question slip. “Sorry.”
She shook it off. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” An idea struck her. “Chief? I need your help.”
“My help?” He asked incredulously.
“Yes. I have a machine in my life station that’s not working right. The chief on Pegasus refuses to make it a priority. I don’t suppose you could find a moment to take a look at it? I’d really appreciate it. I know Diana hates having to work with it. We can’t trust the results.”
Lee came around the corner reading a report and hadn’t
noticed the oncoming traffic. He crashed
right into
“
“Lee.” She was calmer.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
She nodded. “No harm.” She glanced nervously about, all happiness lost. “I should get going.” She started to walk away.
His arm shot out and grabbed hers. “No, wait, please?” She stopped but said nothing and didn’t look at him. “Please? Can’t we talk? This is a horrible misunderstanding. Please?”
She grew suddenly cold. “Gee, that sounds familiar. Is this when I walk in on you fraking the woman you said you didn’t love?”
Lee breathed deeply. Her anger had stung. “I deserved that.”
“I have to go.”
She tried to leave again, but Lee held tight. “There is nothing between Kara and I. I was drunk. I didn’t think you were coming.”
Lee knew it sounded pathetic, but he said “yes.” He suddenly felt emboldened as well. “Look,
She pulled her arm free and stood quietly. “No. You’re wrong. I think it was the fates way of showing us we were wrong all along.”
“You can’t really believe that. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”
She arrived in Life Station winded. Doctor Cottle was with a patient so she went
to his office to hide out, just in case Lee had followed her. She sunk into his chair, not caring if she
was invading his space. She glanced at
the disorderly piles of papers on his desk and cringed. She wasn’t the neatest person in the
universe, but she wasn’t this bad either.
She wondered how he found anything.
She noted the many scraps of paper attached as notes to many
things. A paper shifted and she noted
the vial of blood. She found it strange
that the vial would be in his office, so she picked it up to examine it. Scrawled in his barely legible script were
the initials K.T. and under them was the code for a pregnancy test.
“You weren’t supposed to see that.” Cottle was standing in the doorway.
Cottle knew things had just gone from bad to worse. “What brings you over?”
Lee saw her coming and smiled. He knew she’d changed her mind. He was about to speak, when she stopped directly in front of him.
Before he could speak, she did. “Look at me.” He did as she asked, looking her in the eyes and she continued. “I don’t love you.”
Lee was stunned.
Starbuck knew the minute she landed that her test results were definitely negative. She rushed to the toilet and took care of her needs. Although relieved not to be pregnant, she wasn’t feeling any better. Deciding a good night’s sleep was all she needed; she crawled into her rack and pulled the curtain shut.
The desired sleep was not to be. She alternated between hot and cold. One minute she covered all but the smallest part of her head with the covers still shivering and the next minute she shrugged them all away. She restlessly tossed and turned, praying for relief. She wondered if being pregnant would be better than this.
“Starbuck?” Tommy risked a glance inside her bunk and saw her condition. He pulled the curtain back and exposed her state to Dennis. “Help me out here.”
Dennis stepped in and they pulled Starbuck from her rack. She didn’t fight them much. She hardly seemed to be aware of their presence. Each took an arm and they settled her between them. “Couldn’t you just carry her?” Dennis asked.
“Nah. Save the woman some pride. She’s gonna kick our asses when she finds out we brought her to Life Station as it is. At least this way, folks‘ll think she’s sleepin’ one off.”
When they reached their destination, Diana greeted them. “Not another one?” She asked sadly. She then realized who it was. “Oh…” Further comment trailed off. “Help her over to the far bed, would ya?”
Tommy and Dennis did as requested. Tommy was stretching his back and asked how many were down so far.
“Only six here, but
“So, you got a shot for us?” Dennis asked. “I don’t wanna get sick.”
Diana smiled. “Sorry, no can do. You get the same chance as everyone else.”
Dennis pretended to grab his heart as if she’d just stabbed him. “But, Diana baby… I thought you loved me?”
Diana grabbed the biggest needle and syringe from the supply chest near her and turned to him. “Oh, Ying, I do.” She moved in close. Both burst into fits of laughter. “Get out of here before I put you to work on bedpans!”
Dennis scampered off. Tommy hesitated. He nodded in Kara’s direction. “This gonna be alright?”
Diana understood. “If
you mean, will she be alright? Yes. Give her a few days of misery and she’ll be
fine. If you mean, will
Tommy wanted to believe her. “You sure?”
Diana chuckled. “No, but I’ll stick close.”
Tommy grinned. “I don’t know that that’s a great answer either. I see that needle in your hand.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
Kara succumbed to her body’s demand for rest. She didn’t really know where she was nor did she really care. It wasn’t until the plague had given up its hold on her that she realized she was in life station. She could hear a rustle behind her. She didn’t bother to roll over; she simply called out. “What’s going on? How long have I been here?”
She cringed when she recognized the voice that replied.
“Two days.”
“This sucks for you, doesn’t it?” Kara asked, staring at the professional doctor, not the ‘other woman’.
“I’ve been busy, but this could have been a lot worse.” She drew in a deep breath, deciding to lay it all out on the line. “Your test results are negative. I’m not sure if you were totally aware of that.”
Kara didn’t know what she was talking about at the moment. “What test?”
“On Galactica? Thank you for not coming to me. That would have been a low blow.”
Kara then remembered the pregnancy scare. “I knew it. I over reacted.” She thought a moment about her mission. “I was scared.” She reached for the cup of water at the side of her bed and sipped the tepid liquid.
“Because he would have married me. If he even knew I even thought I was pregnant, he would have freaked and gone into ‘Super Morals Man’ and married me before the blood was drawn.”
Kara set the glass down.
“I frakked up,
“I’d say it was the opening you needed. Does he know you thought you were
pregnant?”
“NO! And he never will as far as I’m concerned. You don’t get it, do you? I don’t want him. He’s yours. You can go and kiss and make up.”
She closed her eyes and thought about sleep. She’d been traveling all over the fleet treating the cases. There really wasn’t much she could do for anyone. The virus had to run its course. All the medical personnel were tapped. She knew she wasn’t any more tired than anyone else, but she longed for some rest, even a few days off.
BSG…BSG…BSG
Doctor Cottle, busy with repercussions from the virus in the fleet, hadn’t allowed Lee anywhere near anyone contaminated. “Your lung isn’t 100% yet and this wouldn’t be good. Stay away.” Lee was having his weekly check up. Most of the viral patients had gone to Pegasus, so Cottle was seeing other medical issues. He met with Lee in his office.
Both Adamas had heard of Kara’s illness, but neither was
setting foot on Pegasus anytime soon. Lee
was eager to though. He’d made repeated calls to
Lee was about to step out of the Major’s office when he paused, overcome by the need to have answers. “Doc? Can I ask you a question?”
“Make it fast.” Cottle grumbled.
“What causes a baby to be born early?”
Cottle hadn’t expected this question now. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get the question, but he was certainly giving Lee his full attention now. “Many reasons. Why do you ask?” He was tempted to throw in a joke, but couldn’t bring himself to.
“Could a suicide attempt bring on early labor?”
Cottle nodded. “Certainly. Any kind
of trauma can induce labor.” He knew
they were dancing around the real subject, but he also knew he couldn’t tell
Lee anything about
“Can you do an autopsy to determine the cause of
death?” Lee asked. He’d tried to avoid the issue of his son, but
he knew deep down he had to resolve it before he could have a future with
“I could. It’s not a bad idea. That way we can determine if there is a genetic cause for the early delivery.” Cottle had no idea the baby was still on Pegasus. He sensed a bigger problem with the dour Captain. “Captain? Let’s suppose a woman did try and kill herself. Let’s say she tried to overdose on sleeping pills. If someone got to her right away and cleared her stomach, there’s little chance the pills would have caused lasting damage to her or the fetus. Chances are if she later lost a baby, it was most likely nature letting us know this little boy wasn’t meant to be a part of us.”
Lee was quiet. He knew the Doctor had given him a gift. “He was part of us though.”
“And always will be.” Cottle walked to the man’s side and laid a hand on his shoulder. “An autopsy wouldn’t give you what you’re looking for even if I could do it.”
Lee nodded. “I know.” He was silent a moment. “Unless it was genetic. Wouldn’t she want to know? The mother?”
Cottle nodded. “Maybe.”
“He’s still on the Pegasus.”
He continued after giving the surprised man time to comprehend. “They never had a funeral.
“Do you want me to have him brought over?” Cottle asked, still stunned.
Lee thought for a moment.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what
Cottle bit back a laugh. “You think a mother would perform an autopsy on her own infant?”
Lee was again quiet. “Please bring him over. I’d like to meet…” Lee choked up. “my son.”
Cottle nodded and Lee left.
BSG…BSG…BSG
About the time Kara was waking up, Commander William Adama
was shuttling over to Pegasus. Admiral Cain
had some grand idea to have the presidential candidates meet with the key
military leaders. Adama might have found
an excuse not to attend, if not for the chance to see both Kara and
He found Kara fast asleep.
She seemed peaceful. He decided
to try back later and went to find
She jumped to her feet and after seeing who it was, reached down to slam the desk drawer. “Commander? What brings you here?”
He flashed a charming smile. “I came to see you.”
He nodded. “I saw her but she was sleeping. That’s good news, but I really did come here to see you.”
“I don’t think that’s wise.” She pretended to read a chart in front of her.
“I do. I don’t like this situation at all. I told you I didn’t want to see my son hurting and yet he still does.”
“I’m sorry about that. I never meant to hurt him.” She confided reluctantly. She had no idea if Adama knew the truth. She wasn’t going to shame Lee in his father’s eyes. They’d come to far. She’d play the bad guy if necessary. “He’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think so.” He saw the fleeting moment of panic cross her face. “I know you never meant to hurt him. I suspect, although no one has confided the circumstances to me, that he did his fair share of hurting.”
“Commander, he’s your son!” She didn’t want the commander being nice to her. It threw her off.
“Yes, he is. And I
love him. But I of all people know he’s not perfect. No one is.
We all make mistakes. Everyone
does,
She stumbled over her response. “I don’t know what he told you, but this is better for everyone. I am not the woman for him. He needs… He needs…” She couldn’t say it in front of him.
“He needs what?” Adama pushed.
“Never mind.” She collected her composure. “I think you should leave.”
“I’d like to know what it is you think my son needs,
She summoned her courage. “I don’t think you want me to call security, do you Commander?”
He stepped back. “I’m sorry. I thought I might be able to help. I’d still like to know what it is you think he needs that you can’t give him, but I don’t want to upset you further.” He stepped out of the door slowly.
As he crossed the threshold,
Adama had stopped outside her door, debating his next move. From within the room, he barely heard her reply. He was stunned. Yes, he knew she’d tried to kill herself, but he highly doubted she would ever consider it again. He knew how to build confidence in a fighter pilot. He had no idea how to convince a scared woman that she was indeed, much stronger then she gave herself credit for. How could she not see her own strength? He left, wondering what could possible help the situation.
BSG…BSG…BSG
Tom Zarek paced the room. The meeting had been pushed back a half an hour. President Roslin had originally decline the invitation to attend the gathering. No one admitted it, but her health was fading fast and she rarely left Colonial One anymore. At the last minute, she decided to attend. Two other candidates were flying in with her. So, Zarek waited.
He’d become a frequent visitor to the Pegasus. Admiral Cain was a natural ally. She needed a new president, who wasn’t devoted to Adama and he needed a military leader of his own. The fact that they’d become lovers was merely an added, physical bonus. In truth, he didn’t trust the Admiral. He sometimes went so far as to question her sanity, in thought anyway. He knew that if he was honest with himself, she was as obsessed with Adama’s position in the fleet, as he was of Roslin’s. He suspected she didn’t trust him either. Lately, he’d begun to wonder if anyone really trusted him or ever could.
Leaving his attaché, he strode through the halls to Life Station. He ducked a few roaming reporters, but arrived unnoticed. He scanned the room and didn’t see his target, so he crossed to the rear, where he suspected her office was located. He saw her through the slight opening in the door and knocked. He heard no vocal response, but could hear steps abruptly crossing the floor.
The door swung open. “Commander! I assure you I have nothing more to say…” She stared numb at the figure before her. She blinked a few times. Before Zarek could speak, she demanded. “How dare you show your face here? What could you possibly want from me now?”
“I was wondering if we could talk?” Zarek asked quietly.
“TALK? You have some nerve!”
She started to yell even louder. Zarek took a chance and pushed her back into the office. He followed and quickly shut the door. She was about to scream. He could tell. He held up his hands. “I’m SORRY! I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, but please listen.”
“Now? You’re the last person I EVER WANT TO
SEE! GET OUT! Before I call security! Is that what you want so close to the
elections? Do you think you can get away
with that? Attacking
me in my own office, YOURSELF!”
If it was anyone other then Calliope Wescott, Tom Zarek might have laughed at the tirade. He held his tongue and waited for her to finish. When she stopped, he dared to ask if she had finished.
“I don’t understand you? What gives you the gall to think you can come here and talk to me?”
“I need to.” He said simply. “I needed to talk to you.”
She was utterly lost. She knew she should walk to the phone and call security or scream for her life, but she did neither. She simply didn’t have the strength. “What the hell could you possibly have to say to me?”
Tom Zarek laughed lightly. He was obviously enjoying some inside joke
and
He held up a hand to stop her. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking… I just needed.” He drew in a deep breath. “I just needed to talk to you. I… I’m sorry. I really don’t know what came over me.”
“Don’t EVEN try and tell me you want to apologize for what you did…” She growled. She was still lost for a reason he would stand here. What could he hope to gain? Did he really think she’d endorse him? “Did you think you could show up here, apologize and then hope I’d endorse you?”
He laughed again. “The last thing in the world I’d want is your endorsement. Everyone would assume I’d coerced it from you. I’d lose for sure.”
She sneered. “Maybe I should then?”
He nodded. “If you want. You have every right to want your own revenge. My actions killed your parents.”
“It was therapy. It got my ideas out there. Your Captain Adama read it.” He hadn’t intended on angering her more, but it slipped out.
“He has his faults.” She almost confided that Lee was no longer hers. That bothered her as well. Why would she confide in this man?
Zarek grew quiet and almost penitent. “I never wanted violence, but… No one would listen. We weren’t going anywhere and people were dying… I couldn’t get anyone to listen any other way… It seemed like the only possibility.”
“Oh, poor you. You had to be the savior, right? You were the only one? I can think of a lot of ways that don’t kill innocent people. Maybe you should have asked me?”
He nodded but said nothing for a minute. “I watched you, you know. I saw you come out of the building with your parents. You were holding their hands. They swung you between them.” He paused, reliving the moments of familial bliss. “Even from as far away as I was, I could hear you giggling.” He paused again. “Then you started to run from them. They called for you, but didn’t seem worried. I was glad. I knew it was going to be close…”
“Yeah, close.” Her reply was cold and low. Despite her hatred, she had to know one thing. “Why did you do it?”
He was surprised at the question and yet he was stunned he wasn’t being hauled off in cuffs. “Do what?”
“Save me. What difference did one child make?”
He bowed his head. His eye twitched slightly as he struggled for his answer. “It was the laughter. I couldn’t let that laughter die. It was so pure, so innocent. It filled me with hope.”
“Did I?” He dared to ask.
She moved in close to him and got right in his face. “I still wake up from a deep sleep seeing my mother on fire. Sometimes during the day, my father’s face as the explosion caught his back, flashes before my eyes. It happened yesterday. HOW much laughing do you think I do? Now get out before I forget that I’ve decided to make it my life’s mission to save lives. I promise you. If I am faced with saving your life, I’ll walk away.”
“And if you don’t step back, she’ll make that choice right now!”
Both Zarek and
Zarek backed off and left quickly. As he moved through Life Station, a few reporters caught him and began asking questions. He tried to force a smile on his face, ever the politician. They asked him what he talked about with the doctor; he said nothing.
“Don’t frak this up more.” Kara announced. Both women glared at each other, both acutely aware of Kara’s true meaning. Kara broke the showdown and left.
As she made her way to the deck, they followed her and harassed her with questions. She did her best to wave them off or ignore them, but one actually swung in front of her, stopping her from getting to the shuttle.
“GET OUT OF MY WAY! I AM ON A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!” She roared, not caring about the cameras.
“Just give us a quote. What did you and Zarek talk about?”
“Are you and Zarek friends? Lovers?”
“Is Tom Zarek why you broke up with Captain Adama?”
“Endorse Tom Zarek? Why the frak would
I endorse a murderer for president?” The
next words simply fell out of her mouth.
“I intend to vote for Laura Roslin.
She’s earned my vote. She’s
earned all our votes!”
She fought to control her emotions and breathing until just before the shuttle landed. She knew she’d seriously screwed up and prayed that her comments wouldn’t be used. Once they’d landed, she was ushered to President Roslin’s private quarters.
Roslin managed a small smile. “I’m sorry to keep bothering you. They really don’t need to call you each time.”
Roslin chuckled softly. “No, not at all. It…” She drew in a deep breath and assumed a presidential attitude. “You are a valuable resource and there are greater needs in the fleet right now.”
Roslin nodded. “Much, thank you. I think I could almost handle Cain and the candidates now.”
“Yet?” Roslin shook her head. “Please,
“
Roslin was stunned. She was afraid to hope. “You’re not kidding are you?”
Roslin was a well-read woman, but it still didn’t make much sense to her. “I don’t want to hurt any children. Humanity needs all it’s babies.”
Roslin thought for a few minutes. “I don’t get it. If umbilical stem cells are such a cure all, why isn’t there more talk about it?”
Roslin shook her head and offered a relieved smile. “Whew. For a moment I was actually starting to have hope. Waiting around for the right fetal stem cells is not something we are blessed with an ability to do.” She quickly added. “But thank you for trying.”
Roslin’s eyes flared with disbelief. “Doctor Davis, this isn’t a funny joke.”
“Where are the cells from?” Suddenly the answer came to Laura Roslin and she sent prayers out that she was wrong.
“The Cylon-Human baby.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
Commander Fisk met
Fisk shook his head. “She wanted me to go over and immediately haul you back. I’d go now.”
As she approached the Admiral’s office, she heard raised
voices. She knocked hesitantly and
responded slowly to the call to enter.
“You wanted to see me.”
Admiral Cain was obviously angry. “You wondered if I would want to see you after the stunt you pulled today?”
“I… I’m not sure what
your referring to.”
Cain sneered. “You don’t recall your statements to the press about whom we should all vote for? Might I add that person isn’t even running!”
“SORRY, DOCTOR?” Cain roared. She recomposed herself and continued. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? People are going to write in a DYING woman for PRESIDENT!”
Cain laughed. It sounded to all present, rather evil. “My, aren’t you Miss Modest. I guess it will surprise you to know that since your little endorsement was aired, the polls show a huge percentage of the fleet intends to vote for Roslin. Do you realize what it would do to the fleet? GODS! Did you think at all?”
As if reading her mind, Adama broke in. “Admiral Cain, I’m sure Doctor Davis understands the seriousness of the situation. No one wants to see Laura Roslin die, but it is an inevitable fact. The fleet will surely come to see that before the elections occur.”
Cain was about to turn and take on Adama’s comments, when
Cain was furious. “Well, OBVIOUSLY that won’t happen.”
“Actually, there are some recent developments that might
allow it to happen.”
“What?” Many voices asked in unison.
“I’ve just been discussing a possible cure, at the very least a treatment option with the President as a matter of fact.”
“Pray tell, Doctor.” Cain asked crossly.
Zarek stunned the room and spoke next. “Doctor Davis, I’m sorry I upset you this afternoon. I can’t help but feel I am partly to blame for this situation, but what you say… It has serious implications for the whole fleet.”
Cain cut them both off with a furious glare at
“Pardon me?” Cain asked, disbelieving.
“I’m not one of your crewmembers, Admiral. You can’t order me to do this. I prefer to believe the fleet is smart enough to know whom to vote for… “ She glared again at Zarek. “despite what some hope. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m exhausted. Good day, Gentlemen.” She turned and left.
No one in the room wanted to risk speaking, so they all
mumbled their good-byes and departed quickly.
Adama hurried to catch up with
He caught his breath. “Did you mean what you said about a cure for Roslin?”
She turned to him finally. “She’s not hip to the idea. I honestly think you should send Lee over to talk to her. Convince her to try it.”
“Controversial?” He asked.
She nodded. “But worth it to me, if it works.”
“You think it will?”
“I do.”
He nodded. He reached out again and affectionately grasped her arm. “Get some sleep, you do look tired.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
After consulting with Diana, Cottle brought the infant to
the Galactica himself. They decided not
to tell
It actually didn’t take long to discover the cause of the baby’s death. His heart was badly malformed. This wasn’t something caused by the mother’s suicide attempt or a genetic problem, it was simple bad luck. Nature had seen fit to deliver the baby early, rather then continue the hope that a pregnancy instilled. He ran a few more tests to confirm his suspicions and then carefully bundled the still form to present to his father.
Adama didn’t have time to tell Lee about
“Sure. What’s up?” Adama asked.
Lee didn’t respond right away. “You know how you said I needed to ask for
help?” Adama nodded. Lee watched him out of the corner of his eye
as they walked to Life Station. “Doctor
Cottle brought my… son over and performed an autopsy. He has the results. I… I
thought I could do this alone. I didn’t
even tell
Adama reached his hand out and stopped Lee. “I’m honored that you’ve asked me. I don’t think anyone should go through something like this alone.”
Lee whispered, obviously distressed. “
Adama shook his head. “No, she didn’t.”
They continued on in silence. Doctor Cottle delivered his report and the two men accepted it in silence. He handed Lee a piece of paper. “I finished this. The only thing it was missing was cause of death.”
Lee accepted his son’s birth certificate and read it slowly. Mother was Calliope Amalia Wescott and father was listed as Lee Joseph Adama. Cottle stepped out of the room. Adama broke the tension. “What was his name?”
Lee choked. “Zakary John Adama. We’d agreed our first son would be named after Zak and her dad.”
Adama managed to chuckled. “Zak would have burst with pride at that. He wouldn’t have come down for a month.”
Lee chuckled as well. “The kid woulda been spoiled. That’s for sure.”
Adama nodded. “No doubt.”
Lee traced the tiny footprint at the bottom of the paper. “So tiny…”
“I think mothers prefer it that way at birth.”
Cottle returned. “He’s in there.”
Adama placed a hand on Lee’s shoulder to guide him. Lee’s steps slowed as they neared the table. In the center of the exam table, under a pale light, lay a tiny swaddled form. He approached even more slowly and suddenly stopped. “I can’t do this.”
Adama tightened his grip on Lee’s shoulder. “It’s alright. You can do it.”
Lee shook his head. “No, not like this.
Not without
Adama nodded. “If that’s what you want…”
Lee started for the door and then stopped. He abruptly turned back, tears in his eyes. “No. I can’t leave my son.” He walked up to the table and reached a shaking hand out to pull back the blanket and touch the diminutive cheek of his son.
Bill Adama felt spent. After Lee had held his son, he presented the stilled infant to his father. Only one hand was needed to clutch his grandson. Memories of the births of his own sons flooded back to him. In the simple gesture of holding his dead grandson, he revisited his whole life. It had overwhelmed him. Sleep was inconceivable. He tried to reread the page in front of him for the fifth time. It was no use.
Lee knew he’d never sleep. He had to be realistic. Today had been too hard. He went to Major Cottle and asked him for something to help him sleep that night. He wasn’t about to get dependent on anything, but he needed a good night’s rest. Waking the next morning, feeling at least physically refreshed, he saw to his morning duties and discovered a few hours of downtime. His father had casually suggested he pay a visit to Colonial One. He figured this was as good a time as ever.
He hitched a ride on a shuttle and thought about the upcoming visit. He knew Roslin was dying. He’d known since that fateful day on the Astral Queen. In his mind, he denied the truth. Laura Roslin exuded power at every step. People like that didn’t die, but he wasn’t immune to the gossip. He knew it was based in truth. She was failing fast. He suspected his father had encouraged the visit so he could take his good-bye. Good-byes were something rare in this day. One simply didn’t know when it would happen, so they were infrequent. He wasn’t sure what he would say. He smiled to himself. Roslin would know what to say. She always did.
He entered her office and found her dozing on her sofa. Her legs wrapped in a blanket. She woke, startled to find herself with company. “Oh, Captain. I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” She tried to pull herself upright, but faltered.
Lee stepped to her side and laid a hand on her struggling arm. “Don’t bother. I shouldn’t have come unannounced. I can come back another time.” He started to leave, but she called out to him. He returned and pulled a chair closer to the couch.
“Do you miss her?” Roslin asked. They both knew what she meant.
His head dropped, the answer obvious. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Roslin raised his chin. “None of that. You’ll work it out.”
“I don’t know, but yeah, we need some resolution.” He agreed. “How are you doing? I didn’t mean to disturb your rest.”
She shook her head. “I was thinking more then resting really.”
“About?” He asked. He often wondered what his final thoughts would actually end up being.
She seemed to change the topic. “Is she a good doctor? Do you trust her?”
“Who?
Roslin grinned. “That’s what I was thinking about.”
“If
“She has a radical suggestion that she believes will cure me. At the very least, move me into remission.” Roslin stated it casually.
Lee was stunned. “I don’t know what to say.” He paused and then added. “She wouldn’t have suggested it unless she was serious.”
Roslin nodded. “I know and don’t think I’m not tempted, but…”
“What does it involve? Blood from Zarek?” Lee mused.
She laughed. “I know I’d say no to that.” She drew in as deep a breath as she could. It had gotten so much harder when the cancer overtook her lungs. “She wants to use stem cells.”
Lee looked panic stricken, wondering if he had crushed some plan for his son. He hadn’t masked his horror, although Roslin misunderstood the reaction. “It’s not fetal. It’s umbilical.”
Lee relaxed. She
couldn’t have planned to use little Zak then.
“Where would she…” He suddenly
knew. “
Roslin nodded. “She ran some preliminary tests and it seems to prove out.”
Lee was confused. “This was her idea?”
“No, the other Cylon, Gina, suggested it.”
“So, not even the Cylons want Tom Zarek in office.” Lee tried to joke.
Roslin smiled. “Even
if it worked, there is no guarantee it would make a change in the elections,
despite
Lee blushed on
“No, she didn’t. Poor thing.” She immediately worried that she’d seem unsupportive. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right.”
He shook his head. “I worry about her all the time.”
Roslin looked sympathetic. “I’m sorry this hasn’t turned out like you wanted it to.”
He laughed sadly. “You can say that again.” He looked wistful. “I don’t know what to hope for… I love her.”
“And she loves you.”
It slipped out before Lee could stop it. “That’s not what she said.” He hated that there was this ability Roslin had to get him to express his inner thoughts and emotions.
“She didn’t mean it. Captain Apollo…” She took his hand. “I believe that you will join her. I swear by it.” She added as an after thought and a smile lit her face as she herself actually came to believe what she was about to say. “And I will live to see it.”
Lee couldn’t help but smile at her optimism. “Madame President, does this mean you’ll try her cure?”
She grinned broadly. “If this is what it takes to see your blue eyes sparkle again, you bet.”
Lee blushed deeply. “Madame President…”
She quickly changed the subject. “Will you do me a favor?”
He nodded. “Do you really have to ask? Anything.”
She smiled. “Go and tell her.”
“You want me to tell her?”
“Yes and soon. Maybe we can defeat Zarek yet.”
Lee chuckled. “So, this is all about defeating Zarek?”
She smiled. “Isn’t it always?”
BSG…BSG…BSG
Lee found
She had come to the office to find transfer orders. Diana hadn’t meant to leave them out. “You weren’t supposed to see those.”
Diana felt no remorse for the transfer and defended her
actions. “Yes. He made the request.”
“Who told him we had Zak here?” It was the first time she had spoken her
son’s name aloud in months.
“I told Lee. Lee
must have talked to Major Cottle.”
Diana knew she really didn’t want to go into this entire
muddy situation with her friend. “Lee
deserved to see his son.”
As much as she wanted to avoid it, Diana knew she
couldn’t. “And you’ve not asked about
him at all. I assumed you had buried him
in your mind and heart, so it was Lee’s turn to do the same.”
Diana grabbed one of her suffering friend’s hands and
used her free hand to dab at her tears with a tissue. “He only wants to find out why Zak joined us
too soon.”
“
Diana gave up the battle of blame. “Perhaps Lee will arrange a funeral?”
She turned and faced Lee. She blinked a few times and before she could stop herself, she blurted out. “Are you hurt?”
He chuckled. “No. I was sent to see you.”
“Oh.” There was no missing the disappointment in her voice, not that he wasn’t hurt but that he’d been sent to her.
Lee tried to correct his error. “Not that anyone has to send me, but I wasn’t sure you’d see me.”
She didn’t respond immediately. She straightened out the bed to buy herself time. “So who sent you and why? I have work to do.”
He chuckled. “I can see that. Busy day around here.” She scowled, so he went on. “President Roslin has decided to take you up on your offer.”
Lee hadn’t realized that his father had spoken to
She nodded and seeing his surprise, she added. “Not to see me. We bumped into each other and I relayed the message.”
They were both silent.
Lee debated telling
As if reading his mind, she brought it up. “So, you have Zak now.”
Tears threatened to build, but Lee pushed them back. “He’s beautiful.”
He nodded, feeling his momentary optimism die. “If that’s what you want.”
“Well, I obviously didn’t do it myself, so it’s a good thing we found you.”
“You had other things on your mind at the time.” He added softly.
She laughed, sarcastically. “Yeah, I was thinking of myself while my son died, no excuse me… When I killed our son.”
Lee ignored her sarcasm. “You didn’t kill him. Doc Cottle confirmed it. His heart, it was badly malformed. It happened long before you ever…” He didn’t finish his sentence.
She snorted. “Lovely. Good to know. Is that what you needed to know? Are you satisfied?” She tried to think of a way to escape this conversation. She knew she was being harsh, but couldn’t stop herself.
“Don’t you see? You didn’t kill him and it wasn’t anything genetic.” He almost added, that they could safely have more children.
Lee knew the conversation of their son was over. It filled him with more overwhelming sadness. “She would like to begin treatments as soon as possible.”
Lee started to leave without answering her question, but stopped and turned back to her. “She wants to dance at our wedding.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
Lee found Ying and Yang on the hangar deck and plopped down on the ground next to the raptor they were working on. “Hey, guys. You talkin’ to me these days?”
Tommy slid out. “Yeah, why not?”
Lee smiled and lowered his head in shame. “I wasn’t sure what she’d told you about what happened.” He quickly added. “I expect you to be loyal to her. She needs it.”
Tommy laughed and Dennis slapped Lee on the back. “We’re loyal to both of you. Just because you two are all fraked up right now, doesn’t mean we’re pickin’ sides.”
Dennis laughed. “She told us about the same thing and no, she didn’t tell us what happened. We got it from the source’s mouth.”
Lee smiled. “So, you’re looking out for her and you know what happened? And you don’t want to kill me?”
“Nah. Ben would have, but we like imperfect, drunken people.” Dennis looked momentarily scared. “Even if we didn’t want to, Starbuck would kick our asses if we didn’t.”
“Starbuck has you watching over her?” Lee knew what his dad had said, but hadn’t really believed it of her.
“Damn straight.” Tommy added. “We’re working on it.”
“Working on what?”
“It’s top secret.” Dennis teased.
Lee wasn’t sure he wanted to know what the trio was up to, so he was willing to let it drop, to a degree. “Will I like it?”
Tommy shook his wrench at Lee, threateningly. “You damn well better!”
BSG…BSG…BSG
“Night guys, thanks for dinner.” She rose and started for the door. Before reaching the threshold, she felt strong hands grab each of her upper arms. “Hey! What’s going on?”
She glared at Dennis, but saw that he had clammed up, so she looked to Tommy for an explanation. “Where are we going?”
They pulled her through the halls to the officer’s rec.
“Don’t say anything, SING!” Dennis pulled her forward and Tommy jumped ahead and pulled the bench back.
Dennis smirked. “Better to not know some things. Now PLAY something.”
Tommy moved in behind her and held her elbows so her hands were above the keys. “Nonsense. Try!”
She shook her head again. “No, I can’t.” Something inside wouldn’t let her play.
Dennis tucked himself in next to her. “Listen, let me be blunt. You suck to be around right now. You need this. You need something, some way to express yourself. This has always been how you got rid of pain. You need this.”
She gulped and her lip trembled at his words. They were so close to the truth. She sucked in her lower lip and bit it to halt its motion. “It’s not in me anymore.”
Tommy released her elbows and whispered in her ear. “Yes, it is. You just have to find it again. That’s why we’re alone. We didn’t figure you’d want an audience first night. We kinda thought maybe you needed to sing yourself some sad songs. You know. Let it all out… Then you’d find the rest of that voice we all love.”
Tears rolled down
Dennis turned her face toward his. “Yes, you do. Once you find that voice again, you’re going to share it with us all and the world will get a whole heap better. Now, go find it.”
The two men rose and left her alone. Only when she heard the click of the door,
did her fingers find the smooth keys.
One by one they fell into place.
At first, she simply played songs from her memory, songs that had always
brought her comfort. After a spell, she
began to whisper words along with the notes and soon a soft sweet voice was
heard.
Several hours and a set of sore arms and hands later,
Creating the treatment hadn’t taken long and administration
immediately followed.
The effect was almost immediate. President Roslin’s pain lessened and she felt more energy then she’d felt in weeks. Within a week, the tests showed the cancer being pushed back. News of Roslin’s impending, full recovery flew through the fleet the week of the presidential elections and to no one’s surprise; she was re-elected via a write-in campaign.
Life in the fleet remained consistent in those days. There were a few Cylon attacks but the fleet
hadn’t lost anyone. They would jump and
start the process over again.
President Roslin was having dinner on the Pegasus that night in celebration of the reelection. Both Commander and Captain Adama were invited. Lee opted to remain on board and the Tighs accompanied Adama instead. As a sign of cooperation, many of the candidates, as well as the Quorum were invited as well.
The guests mulled around and socialized until dinner was served. Once seated, additional polite conversation took place. Ellen Tigh was in her element. It was no secret she was an ambitious woman. She thrived on power. She sought it at every turn. She’d spent the cocktail hour huddled in the corner with Tom Zarek. It was also obvious to all that she was disappointed in his defeat. Gaius Baltar seemed a bit disappointed to be Vice-President again, but still made the most of his title with every woman present.
Adama stood off to the side and watched them all. He wasn’t particularly interested in the event. He was only here out of duty. He was also here to watch Cain. He’d heard rumors of her involvement with and support of Zarek. He feared repercussions from the loss. He didn’t notice Laura Roslin’s arrival at his side until she spoke.
“Lost in thoughts or can anyone lurk here with you?” She asked spiritedly.
He grinned in response. “I was indeed lost in thought, Madame President.”
“Anything you want to share?” She asked curiously.
“Not in particular. Need to know…” He teased. He knew she hated that phrase.
“Captain Apollo didn’t join you tonight I see. I thought he might like the opportunity to
see
Adama shook his head. “I think he’s leaving it up to her. It seems his last attempt at reconciliation didn’t go well.”
Roslin almost growled. “They’re both too stubborn for their own good.”
He laughed. “That they are.” He changed the topic. He didn’t feel comfortable discussing his son’s relationship in this crowd, frankly anywhere. “You look better. I’m glad.”
She nodded. “Doctor Davis was a gift from the gods, well for me anyway.”
Adama smirked. “For us all it would seem. I believe one report says never in Colonial history has a President been elected by a write-in campaign.”
She chuckled. “What would they have done if I said no?”
“Did you think about it?” He asked.
“I’m not insane. Of course I did…” She grinned.
“No one would blame you of course, but I suspect you looked at the second place vote getter and decided to accept.” Zarek had come in second.
President Roslin grinned. It was a perfect, political ‘I’m not saying anything’ smile. Both laughed.
Long hours later, Admiral Cain herself escorted Adama and Roslin to the shuttle deck. She hadn’t intended to, but now that she was stuck with Roslin in control again, she needed to keep a close watch on the two, or so she thought.
They turned a corner and heard the commotion. Following the music, they stopped in the
doorway of the Officer’s Rec. It was
packed with people, few of which were officers.
The trio pushed in and was met by the sight of
A few people noticed the officers present and scrambled to
leave before trouble ensued. When the
three top leaders of the fleet turned to leave, they met Colonel Tigh and Ellen. Ellen leered at
“I knew I recognized you.” Ellen mocked. “You were the petty little singer at that dive on Picon.”
As the rest caught up and gathered around the two women, Ellen went on. “We all know what kind of women work in those clubs. Perhaps you should tell the Commander how you really raised the money?”
Ellen was drunk. Tigh
cringed at his wife’s accusations. He
tired to pull her away, but she snapped her arm away from him. “Don’t touch me!” She spit the words at him before looking back
at
“Well? You want to stand there and continue to have this group believe you are all pure and innocent? Did you really think you could join the Adama family?” Ellen just kept going.
Adama turned to his XO, growling. “Get her out of here.”
“Come on, Ellen. Leave the doctor alone. Let’s go.” He pulled at her arm again.
Ellen whirled on him. “How dare you? She’s nothing but a two bit slut and the fleet thinks she’s one of the frakin’ lords. I won’t have it. I know what she is.”
Ellen tried to perform a menacing turn, but stumbled. Both Tigh and Adama instinctively grabbed at
her. “Get AWAY from ME!” She staggered a step closer to
No one present would have expected Ellen to have such
exacting aim. Her palm caught
Ellen couldn’t fight anymore. “Don’t believe her, Saul. She didn’t see me. She couldn’t have. I was too far away…” Her hand shot to her
lips as she revealed the truth. “Oh,
Saul…” She feigned collapse. Saul pulled
her into his arms. Her shot
President Roslin had already retrieved a tissue and was
blotting at
Roslin relinquished the tissue. “Thanks to you, I am.”
Cain watched Adama and Roslin fuss over the doctor and she smiled. “No worries, Doctor. Colonel Tigh’s wife has had too much to drink.” Cain was thrilled at this turn of events. She may have lost the Captain, but the doctor would be valuable too.
Roslin smiled. “You really are fabulous.”
Cain, Adama and Roslin continued on. Tigh had secured a now sleeping Ellen in a seat and waited for them outside the shuttle. He neither said anything nor looked the group in the eye.
Roslin was eager to end the stay on Pegasus. “Thank you for seeing us off, Admiral. It was a lovely evening.”
Cain thanked her and added. “There’s another reason I wanted to see you off. I have an announcement you’ll all be interested in.” She included Tigh as well. “I think its time to celebrate.”
Adama braved to ask what they were all thinking. “Didn’t we celebrate tonight?”
Cain laughed. “This was small and informal. We need to have a Presidential Inauguration and I thought we could plan an additional celebration. Make it a true fleet wide event.”
“I certainly don’t want a celebration.” Roslin quickly added. “But what did you have in mind?”
“The day of the attacks, the Galactica was decommissioned, was she not?”
Adama nodded.
“Then I think we should hold President Roslin’s oath on a newly recommissioned Galactica. It will solidify everything.”
“That’s very generous, Admiral, but I don’t believe the Galactica ever felt decommissioned. It’s not necessary.” Adama replied. He couldn’t explain why, but he suspected there was more to this then Cain was letting on to.
“Well, aren’t you two a couple of killjoys.” Cain laughed. “I can’t believe you’re against this.”
Roslin assumed political posture. “I’m not saying no, I just question the use of resources.”
“We don’t have to waste resources. We can pull it off within normal rations.”
Adama still didn’t like it. “I was nervous having everyone celebrate Colonial Day.”
Cain patted his arm, condescendingly. “That’s why you’re good at your job, Commander. Now let me be good at mine.”
Roslin also knew they’d lost. “Thank you, Admiral. It will be fun and good for the fleet morale.”
BSG…BSG…BSG
Starbuck, Ying and Yang found the ceremonies the perfect
opportunity to reunite Lee and
Kara nodded. “So, now
all we have to do is convince
“We’ve already been working on her. She’s not budging much. She says it’s too big a deal. She’s never sung at something this big.” Tommy informed.
Dennis added. “Yeah, we even told her Lee had already agreed to fly CAP so his men could enjoy the events.”
Starbuck tensed up. “He didn’t, did he?”
Dennis laughed. “No, but we had to tell her something.”
Kara sighed in relief. “He’d do something stupid like that.”
“Yeah, he would, but didn’t you let the Commander in on our plan?” Tommy asked.
“We’ll need more help convincing her.” Dennis lamented.
Kara smiled. “I know just who to talk to.” She said no more, but immediately put in a call and made for a viper.
A short time later she met up with the Raptor team and beamed. “It’s taken care of. I’ve recruited help.”
The next day, President Roslin was on Pegasus for a check
up. Since
“It sounds like you wish you hadn’t won the election?”
Roslin frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that. It is far better then the alternative.”
Roslin sighed and then smiled. “Thank you.”
Roslin grinned.
Inside she knew she was about to launch her attack. She’d been skillfully setting
Buttoning her blouse, Roslin continued to reel her victim in. “I heard the band asked you to perform at the ceremonies.”
Roslin sobered. “You’re not? Really? I was so excited. I’d love to hear more from you.”
Roslin nodded. “I’m sorry. I guess I got excited too soon. I know the Commander was excited too. We just assumed…” As if she just came upon the idea, her head popped up. “I’m sure Major Cottle wouldn’t mind you taking some extra time to prepare.”
“I never have before. Why start now?” The President knew she had just won.
BSG…BSG…BSG
The day of ceremonies arrived.
The ceremonies were big and bold and broadcast throughout
the fleet. Admiral Cain had surprised
them all by awarding Commander Adama the highest medal the service
offered. It was obvious to all he was
moved. Since his attack, he’d been less
able to disguise his emotions.
She hoped and prayed that Lee was still planning on being on CAP that night. She knew there was no way he could sing if he was there. So many of the songs she sang were love songs and since meeting him, they’d all become about him.
The hours slipped by and soon she was taking the stage. She hadn’t done so in a long time but she immediately warmed to the lights and crowds. She and the band opened with some fast songs and then moved to a few inspirational ones. The crowd roared and she let herself relax and enjoy the time.
The audience roared its approval. “So, does that mean you want her to play?”
Affirmations roared through the crowds and
Meanwhile, Kara had been on duty. Her duty was to distract Lee. Lee had no intention of missing
“What?” He wasn’t expecting her. “Why aren’t you at the show?”
“Why aren’t you?” She groaned. “Why would I go to your girl friend’s show? It’s you who needs to be there.” She pulled him from the chair.
“Kara, I can’t go. It’ll bother her if I’m there.” He pleaded.
She pulled him up short. “YOU IDIOT! We’re trying hard to get you back together and you’re NOT MAKING IT ANY EASIER! Now get your ass in there!”
Lee had no idea what she was planning, but the CAG obeyed the Lieutenant’s command.
The audience agreed and clapped loudly in support. Adama, Cain and Roslin grinned at each other from the front row.
He smiled. “I heard this was the one song you had to sing tonight. I agree. It’s beautiful. Please honor us.”
She shook her head.
The audience grew nervous and
Adama and Roslin exchanged nervous glances. Both were in on portions of Starbuck’s plan, but this didn’t seem to going right. Lee was cutting through the crowd and saw what was happening. He turned back to Kara. “You have to stop this. It isn’t fair to her.”
Kara simply shook her head. “We can’t stop all this. You gotta get her through this.”
They pushed on.
The strains of melody began again and the audience stilled
waiting for
Adama and Roslin seemed to be holding their breaths. A motion to his side caused Adama to look and
he saw Lee forcing his way to the front.
Lee looked pale and panicked. He
seemed to understand
It was now only a few bars before the notes that would embarrass her forever and end her musical interests. Her heart pounded. Above the din of the crowd, she heard a voice calling to her. It was quiet and she knew no one else heard it. “You can do it. You can.”
She followed the voice and saw Lee. She hit the note and held it. Finishing the note as it should be.
She couldn’t risk bowing at the end. Her legs were already quaking. She wanted nothing other then to get off the stage. She hurried to the side. As she passed Tommy, she reached out and slapped him hard. Lee watched the scene. Ignoring the situation, he hoped onto the stage and followed after her.
Kara was waiting for this.
She was glad she knew the Galactica better then both
Lee’s voice startled her. “Talk to me please!”
She stammered. “I didn’t plan that…”
He smiled, causing his eyes to sparkle even more. “I know you wouldn’t have sung that song there. That’s MY song. You only sing it for me.”
She didn’t reply, as the door suddenly swung shut and
clicked. Lee moved to it and tried the
latch. It wouldn’t budge. He pounded on it and shouted for it to be
opened. Starbuck stood there for a few
minutes and smiled. She wondered how
long she should leave them locked in.
How long would it take two stubborn people to kiss and make up?
Pyramids*33
Lee couldn’t get the door to budge. He eventually gave up and turned back to face
She raised an eyebrow. “I don’t believe you.”
Her words cut through him like a knife once had. He stepped closer but didn’t descend to her. He nodded guiltily. “I knew Kara was planning something. I didn’t know what or when until right before the song. I swear.”
Lee shook his head and moved still closer to her. He crouched on his knees. “That’s not true
She looked at him disbelieving. “What can I believe Lee? I can believe that you fraked the one woman I told you I feared.” She shook her head. “Why her? Why Kara, Lee?”
“I was drunk. I thought you weren’t coming… We were drinking…” He tried explaining but it sounded lame to him too.
He muttered, knowing it wasn’t going to work. “There was a message but I didn’t get it.”
“No, really. Kara…” His voice trailed off and
“I think she truly forgot about the note,
Lee knew what she wanted to know. He honestly didn’t remember. The whole evening would be forever fuzzy to him. “I don’t know.”
“You did, didn’t you?” She said plainly.
“No.”
“I thought you said you didn’t know?”
“I don’t remember how it happened.” He hit on his argument. “Shouldn’t that be enough? If that incident had meant anything to me at all, wouldn’t I remember something?”
“Argh!” Lee exclaimed in frustration and ran his
hands through his hair. “What can I
say? I love you,
She laughed again feeling spent. “Listen to you… It’s me, you know. This is all my fault.” She looked him straight in the eye. “I’m too weak. I’m making all these excuses, when it’s always been my fault.”
“This isn’t your fault.
This isn’t about fault,
She was quiet. She seemed to be enjoying a pleasant thought, as a small smile lit her lips. “You are my only love, Lee Adama. There’s never been anyone else for me.”
He nodded. “I feel
the same way about you.” He knew she was
referring to their relationship overall.
“If I’d stuck to my beliefs, Zak wouldn’t have died.” She stated flatly. “I knew you were the one. We were going to be married. It seemed fine.”
“I want that future still,
She blushed. “I was so scared the first time. I was so worried you wouldn’t be satisfied.”
He chuckled. “I was worried about you.” He laughed. “The first time, well, it isn’t always the perfection of books and bloated egos.”
“I’d never felt so alive in my life.” She added in a whisper. “I don’t believe I ever will again.”
Lee didn’t like where the conversation was going at
all. He had hoped being locked in with
her would do them good. It seemed to be
pointless. Anger welled up and sprang
from him. “DAMN
She met his gaze again and tears rolled silently down her cheeks. “I killed your son and your best friend and… And tried to kill myself… Why would you fight for me?”
Lee shook his head. He needed to appeal to her logical side, make her see reason. “You didn’t do any of those things. Zak died because his heart was bad. According to Doc Cottle it happened long before you took the pills. Ben, he died, as he would have wanted… With honor and dignity. It wasn’t your fault…”
She cut him off. “And me? The pills? I can’t even look at them anymore.”
He laughed heartily. It annoyed her. “What’s so funny about that?”
He pulled himself together.
“Don’t you see? You won’t do it
again.
“I did it.”
“You tried. It didn’t work.” He smiled confidently and his blue eyes twinkled with excitement. “The lords saved you to bring you to me.”
She shook her head. “Why won’t you let me go? You’ll be fine.”
Lee drew in a deep breath. “Let’s explore that a moment. You think I’ll be fine. I don’t know that but for sake of argument, we’ll assume maybe. How about you? Will you be fine?”
Softly she answered. “I don’t know.”
“I wonder about myself. I wasn’t exactly living before you came back. I went from day to day, doing my job and nothing more. Half the time I wondered why we bothered. I never worried about the Cylons blowing me out of the sky because I knew deep down it didn’t matter.” He watched her carefully. “I don’t know that could be defined as ‘fine’.”
“Lee, I do love you. I always will… and I’ll be honest… I want nothing more then to come back to you and be your wife and bear your children. Forgiving you isn’t an issue, really. I think I already did.”
Lee grinned. He was about to say something, but she went on.
“I can’t come back to you.”
He inched forward on the floor, reaching out to grab her hands, finally holding them. “Then I’ll come to you.”
She tried to smile. “No, that’s not it. I can’t come back to you, until…” She breathed deeply. “Until I know I can live without you.”
Lee still didn’t understand.
He shook his head. “
She smiled, trying to ease his pain. “Lee, I do need one thing from you.”
“Name it.”
“I need time. I need time to find… find something in me that proves I’ll be ok if I lose you again.”
“What… What are you looking for?” Lee was afraid of this kind of journey. People didn’t find those answers in simple life.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll know it when I find it.” She replied longingly.
Lee was now choking out his questions. He knew he should be thrilled that it wasn’t over, but this just didn’t seem good either. “How long?”
She cried anew. “I don’t know…”
“How long does it take to know if you can live without
someone? I don’t get it,
“But I don’t know how.”
“
She laughed. “I can’t believe you, Lee Adama, man of reason, just said that.”
He offered a slight smile. “See what you do to me…”
She squeezed his fingers. He raised his head and smiled. “So, it’s not over. You love me. I love you. We want the same things, but…”
“I need time.”
“Time. But you don’t know how much?” He asked, still not fully comprehending the whole situation.
“You don’t have to wait. If you want to find someone else, I’ll understand. It isn’t fair to you. Maybe you should explore a relationship with Kara. Obviously you’ve forgiven her if you let her arrange this.” She waved her hand limply around.
He shook his head.
“No. No. There is nothing between
Kara and I. I
didn’t know if I could ever forgive her.
A part of me will never trust her fully.
She nodded. They sat
in quiet for some time. Neither looked at their watches.
Lee laughed. “No idea with Kara. I just hope she’s not the only one who knows where we are. If that’s the case, she might forget about us, assuming we’re fraking our minds out. I don’t even know if Ying and Yang know where we are…”
“Huh?”
“Is that what you miss, fraking?” She asked sincerely.
“Ouch.” He smirked.
“What?” She asked, concerned by his reaction.
“That wasn’t fair.”
“Why isn’t it fair?”
“If I tell you I’d love to frak you, then you think all I want is sex. If I say I don’t want to frak you, it becomes another issue entirely. I can’t win.”
She giggled for the first time in weeks. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Sorry.”
He laughed too. “Just don’t ever ask me if you look fat in something. I’m told it has ended marriages.”
She smiled and moved her hand to her heart. “I promise.” She shivered. Now that the rush of endorphins from the emotional discussion had passed, the chill of the room was sinking into her bones.
Lee removed his jacket and handed it to her. “Here. That dress isn’t enough to keep you warm.”
Lee laughed. “I wouldn’t put it past her.” He sighed. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand her.”
“You? I don’t know whether to kill her or thank her.”
Lee nodded. “Welcome to my world. Every time I think I’m ready to kill her, she does something else really right… Like this.”
“I’d go for killing her…”
Lee wasn’t sure, but he had a strong feeling she meant it. He watched her. Her head was bowed and she had pulled her legs up to warm them. She was still cold. “We can both stay warm, if… well, we…”
She slid over a bit and patted the ground next to her. “You’re right.”
He slid in next to her, enjoying the close contact almost instantly. He was about to wrap his arm around her, but she pushed it back. “No, Lee. It’s too close.”
“Too close?”
She gulped a few times, obviously embarrassed. “I don’t trust myself.”
“Trust yourself?”
“I’m afraid of you getting too close.”
“This isn’t too close?”
“I can’t… Lee. I want to, so badly… I miss you…”
He placed a gentle finger on her lips. “I understand. I promise I won’t make any moves until you’re ready.” He quickly added. “But don’t think for one moment, I wouldn’t be willing to at any moment.”
She shook her head and looked away from him. She swiped at the tears, which began again. “Why do you put up with me?” It came as a whisper.
He pulled her chin back to face him. “Because I love you. As a matter of fact, it frustrates me. Love just doesn’t cover it. They need a new word. Love just doesn’t capture what goes through my mind, heart and soul when I think of you. Always remember that… Love just doesn’t capture what I feel for you.”
She cried harder. She couldn’t respond. She sat next to him and allowed his love to wash over her. After a few minutes, she pulled back from him. In a voice still a whisper, she whimpered. “You know I love you that much. I… I have to do this because… because I have to show you I can be strong. I can, for you.”
He shook his head. “Not for me, for you.” He didn’t see the look he wanted in her face. She wasn’t buying it. “For us and for whatever comes in the future.”
She smiled and despite her earlier hesitations, pulled his arm up and cuddled into the crook of his arm. “I love you.”
He smiled and closed his eyes. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he felt genuine hope in his heart. Cylons be damned, he was getting what he wanted in life.
Adama had to admit he enjoyed the day. Although he’d never really thought of the
Galactica as having been decommissioned, somehow, even her engines seemed to
hum a little softer today. It seems she
hadn’t like the idea of being put out to pasture either. There was lightness to his step as he strode
through the causeway. Kara had passed
him earlier, shot him a malicious grin and gave him a thumb’s up. He figured it could only mean her plan to
reunite Lee and
“Commander Adama?”
He groaned slightly. It was the only voice that could dampen his mood. “Admiral Cain. I thought you’d left.”
She caught up with him. “Or was it hope?”
Adama smiled. “Not at all. We’ve just had a wonderful day and as President Roslin pointed out, the Cylons even saw fit to leave us be today.” Cain seemed to grow cold before his eyes. He knew something big was coming.
“I’d like to speak to you in your office.”
They weren’t far from his quarters. They said nothing during the quick trip. Once inside, Adama tried to be cordial. “Would you like a drink?”
“This isn’t social.”
“I see.” He remained controlled.
She didn’t wait for an invitation. “Commander, I am in charge of this fleet.”
“Of course.” He replied. “Was there some doubt?”
“That’s what I’d like to know.”
Adama shook his head. He didn’t smile. This had become an undeclared war. “I don’t understand.”
Cain glared at him with utter contempt. “I am ordering you to have no further contact with President Roslin.”
Adama wasn’t surprised. He and the President had chatted often throughout the day. He caught the Admiral throwing them angry stares. The order was ludicrous, but he didn’t feel like having the argument tonight. “Yes, sir.”
Cain was furious with his attitude. As usual, he was managing to make her look like a fool. In her mind, he was doing everything he could to circumvent her authority and she’d had enough. She knew her first mistake had been letting Lee Adama remain on the Galactica. The attack had messed things up. Had the Captain remained on Pegasus she would still have her hold over Adama. What she needed was a battle. A battle would prove to the fleet that she was indeed its leader. As long as Roslin sought Adama’s council, he would steer her decision-making. “I don’t like your style, Commander. I never have. It’s old. You spend your time worrying about people. We need warriors. I won’t lose this fleet to your humanistic lethargy. You won’t find me risking the whole fleet for one lousy pilot.”
Adama’s anger met hers. “People are all we have left. I’m sorry. That one lousy pilot may well make the difference in humanity’s survival. The sooner you learn that, Admiral, the better of this fleet will be. Perhaps if you understood that, President Roslin would come to you. This is a new world. I learned it the hard way and so will you.”
She slapped him. Hard. “HOW DARE YOU TRY AND TELL ME MY JOB!” She composed herself, but barely. “You can consider yourself lucky that I don’t relieve you of your command.”
“You know someone better?” He was in full battle mode now, the pleasant day be damned.
She stepped back, somewhat daunted by his attitude. “Understand me, Adama. If you so much as step one foot out of line, you will pay. I promise. Do NOT cross me again.”
She gave him no chance for reply.
Adama was left alone, contemplating her possible attacks. For a moment, he wondered how they were supposed to defeat the Cylon threat under these circumstances. He also wondered which threat was worse.