Okay, its actually Sept. first, but I'm too fucking lazy to make a new page, so deal with it. It turns out, that some of you out there, have been trying to make me second guess my trust in Kendra. As it is very sad, I am falling for it left and right. I hate myself for that, but I know that after my past with Kendra, and my past with females in general (Megan Smith excluded), I need to watch my back. I don't know what to do, who to believe, anything....I'm lost, confused, dead inside. Why must you fucking do this to me? Why can't you all leave well-enough alone and let me be happy? You say I'm blind to her lies (if there are any), but at least I am happy right? God, I don't know what to fucking do!
8-29-04
I don't know why it happened, or how it even got started, but the drama has begun again. What is it all worth? People get hurt, tears are shed, stress levels rise to a peak that none of us at our young ages should have to experience. I have yet to hear one good reason why we all keep going around and around like this. Who is it helping? Why is it that we get some kind of satisfaction out of hurting others? What drives us to do such things? Have you even thought about the consequences of your actions, any of you? I know I've thought about mine, that's why I try not to make comments against anyone anymore, I try not to put someone down, because I know that I don't have a good reason, and I know that none of you do either. Someone please tell me what good this is all doing? What good does it do for you Justine, to say that Kendra is fat and ugly and stupid and what not? And Kendra, what good does it do you to say anything about Justine in your journal, before or after the fact that Justine has said something? And Megan, how does it benefit you to get involved in any way, I know your stressed as it is with your father, and your family, and the other issues in your life, why do you get involved? You've been gone for what, 8 weeks now, and in that time, did you miss all of this for 1 fucking second? Why come back, and jump headlong into it right away? I understand how you can want to be the best friend to Justine you can be, but as Jennifer just told me, "a real friend will kick you in the ass if you need it" and its times like these, where Justine might just need a kick in the ass, because she's said herself 100 times that she's over everything that has to do with Kendra. And maybe she just needs a kick in the ass to move on with her life, past all this drama. Maybe a swift kick in the ass from you could end all of this right now. I know Justine looks up to you, and I know she respects you, and loves you more then anyone right now, and there is something to be said for that, and I know that you're as sick and fucking tired of all this god damned bullshit as I am, so maybe you should consider lacing up your ass kicking shoes (just a thought). These words are the last I will speak on the subject, period. I am done, I am moving on, I won't have anything more to do with all this bullshit, this fighting over nothing, this drama that NONE of us need. So far, I've only seen one person, just one, cut away from this, and his comments prove that he might be the only neutral voice of reason in this whole matter, and as much as I hate to say it, I'm with Joe on this one. I just want some peace in my life, away from this, so anyone who brings this too me, this drama, this bullshit (yes, even Kendra), will be ignored, plain and simple. Good day everyone.
~Josh
8-11-04
So today, I did something that I feel needed to be done... I quit my job. I'm upset about it, even though I think its for the best, and I feel that my parents, and even Kendra are disappointed in me. I won't try and explain it here, I just wanted to let everyone know, and if you want reasons, go ahead and ask...