Once, a long long time ago, I met someone. Her name, was Kylie. We met in some dumb AOL chat room, someone asked the a/s/l of everyone, and she said 14/f. I thought I'd take a chance, so I IM'd her. Kylie and I had a lot in common. Age, grade, so many similar interests. It was no wonder that Kylie and I soon found ourselves in love with eachother. We were the best friends either of us had ever had. We told eachother everything. Years passed, and we were still as in love with eachother as when we first fell. And our friendship grew stronger. Then a few decision kinda ruined things for us. But nothing really faltered. We still were in love with eachother, and still the best of friends. I strayed a few times, she always stuck by my side. We finally met, Kylie and I, and it was the best week of my life to date. Even though we had our tiffs, it was still the best memories I have of her. Another year or two pass, and it comes time for high school graduation. Just a few short month, and we'd finally be together at college. August comes, and her college visit. We spend a couple days together. Everything on the surface seems fine. Once again she leaves me, and only a day later I get some of the worst new of my life. Kylie doesn't love me anymore. And since then, its been empty, and nothing. No more real friendship, just...her, and me. Soon after, Kylie dies. She's gone now, all that's left of Kylie is memories. In Kylie's place, and evil, ugly, nasty thing. Megan. Megan is everything Kylie was not. A liar, a back stabber, a bitch. Everything evil about a woman. Kylie, where ever you are, if you still exist, please come back. Everyone misses you.
2/17/03
Well, I'm done, with everyone, and every thing. I cannot take this shit that everyone gives me day in, and day out. I can't even get to sleep at night anymore, every thing, and every one has me too stressed out. I can't take it anymore. Not that any of you really give a flying fuck. So that's it, the end of Josh. Goodbye everyone...
2/16/03
INHALE
Come one and all and see the broken man, talking to himself
He sits and waits for something better, he'll never find it here
The people touch his hair and pinch his cheek; he can't even feel it
There it goes again, he's listening to someone
He hears the bitter laughter
And all he wants to know is…
Why------ does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore)
You've gotta try------ the inhale that makes the exhale so much better
He wipes his hands on anything in reach, he never feels clean
He shakes at night because his nerve is gone, every muscle hurts
Come one and all and see what happened…that broken man is me
There it goes again, I can hear it louder
It doesn't feel good anymore
All I want to know is…
Why------ does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore)
You've gotta try------ the inhale that makes the exhale so much better
NOW I KNOW I DISAPPEAR!
I CAN'T FIND MY WAY FROM OUT OF HERE!
EVERYTHING IS FADING ON ME!
SOMEONE TELL ME… someone tell me…
Someone - tell me
Why------ does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore)
You've gotta try------ the inhale that makes the exhale so much better
WHY?! YOU'VE GOTTA TRY!!
2/16/03
Well, wouldn't you know, Megan IM'd me today. Who saw that coming? Yeah, she had a lot to say...both to me and Megan (R). She talked all kinds of shit. But she was being a hypocrit the whole time. Saying I was the liar, when she is the liar...saying that Megan was trying to get me to hate her, when the whole time she was trying to get Megan pissed at me... It just really pisses me off... Honestly, I don't have any trust for anyone right now. Then again...why should I? Fuck this life...congrats megan...you win...
2/15/03
Woo fucking hoo...Sasha has proven to me how full of shit she is. This person said that she was in love with me, and that nothing would ever change that. Guess who now tells me that she could have never loved me? I'm gonna start a new section, my "Wall Of Fame, And Shame" section. And guess whoes going on there!
2/14/03
Isn't it funny how people always seem to turn out to be so full of SHIT? I think it is. I told Kendra last Sunday that I was gonna take a week off from the internet. And during my week off I got a lot of time to think about things...and lets just say my thoughts were not at all good. So anyway, when I check my e-mail, the people who I would have expected to e-mail me, didn't, and a couple that I never really thought gave a flying fuck, did. Not to mention I read Darrins journal on his site, and he talked about how Megan (Smith) told him that she would leave anyone for some guy named JV. Megan always told me she never lied, and was always true. But I don't believe it. The last half of my relationship with her, she was on again, off again with Darrin, WHILE she was with me, and to this day she denys it. She said she never cheated, but if she were with darrin and I at the same time, knowing full well she was, isn't that cheating? And isn't it lying by saying she wasnt, when the proof is there that she was? I'll let you be the judge of that. So now, she's talking about the JV kid, and it just reminds me of the whole thing. Megan Smith is a liar, and a cheater, and anyone who doesn't believe it is even more stupid then she. Especally darrin, who still fucking thinks that he and Megan will end up together, when its obvious to anyone but him, that she does not love him anymore. They both say that I dont know anything about their relationship with eachother, but I do, because its exactally the same as my relationship was with her, only the hooking up, and the falling out were much closer together then it was with her and I. It just all pisses me off, I hate both of them, and just about everyone else for that matter. I'm so done with people its not even funny. I really wish I could disappear right now!... Not that any of you would notice, or give a shit... Tell me, why do none of you give a shit about me? Seriously, I want an answer, someone please tell me, for once in your lives, why do you not give a shit about me? You all read my words, but never respond to what I have said, so for once, just say something about it, I really want to know. This maybe selfish, but if I dont get answers, then dont expect to hear from me ever again...
2/1/03
What a game I saw tonight...damn...it was great...until the good old Greeley Pig Department had to ruin it for us. See, a couple friends of mine decided to bring some beer to enjoy during the game, and being underage, it wasn't such a good idea. Combined with a few "fucks" and someone with a twig up his ass freaks out and has the manager call the cops. Long story short, 8 kids are taking breathalizer tests in public, everyone (including the players) watching, and whispers the rest of the night. Now the really funny thing, is the officer who wrote the tickets, signed the wrong line, and forgot his badge number on one of them, so now the ticket is invalid. Now I will be the first person to tell you that people who drink under age, need to be kicked hard, very hard, but if this guy had such an issue with he, he should have moved, or asked us to move, or talked about it with us first. It was bullshit to take 6 completely innocent people, and subject them to the embarrassment that we were subjected to. Two people should have been taken aside, and embarrassed for their stupidity. As for the rest of the night, it was, well, better then most I've had. All in all (even though the Bullets lost hardcore) it was, decent. That's all from me, for now, goodnight all.
2/3/03
It has come to my attention in the last couple of days, that a "close" friend of mine, has, well, become quite sick. She is traped inside her own mind, and it is worse then I thought she could get. She says things like "I am meant to suffer in this life. I am meant to suffer so that I can understand the suffering of others." and "If I didn't know what it was like to be sad, I wouldn't be able to help those that I so desire to help." She has started to babble on and on and not making much sense in between. I am very worried about her, and I'm not sure what I can do to help her, but she does need help. I have to do something, and soon, so wish me luck...