So, I almost missed an entire month. Well, technically it is Feb. 1 but I am giving myself the benefit of the doubt. Lets see. What's new with Josh? School started up again after almost a month off for Christmas. I loved the break, and wish I were still on it. My stomach problems are back, probably due to the stress school (and a car accident I was in). Don't get me wrong, I love learning what I'm learning, but I hate the way I'm doing it, I mean, it is school after all.
In other news, Kendra and I are still hanging out quite regularly. Even though some people may not like it. We are getting along great, and having a lot of fun together. She helps take my mind off the past, and Megan R. whom I still think about far too often, but that is a topic I will address later. Megan Smith and I have been kinda at each others throats again, what's new huh? Yeah, I hate fighting with her, because I love her, but we have always had that strong love/hate relationship. I don't know that I should say any more about it, she might get angry with me again. Lets see. Justine and I rarely talk anymore, and when we do, I just end up yelling at her. Poor girl, she's fallen back on habits that no one, let alone a 15 year old should have, and I guess I'm partly to blame for it, but as all of you may recall, I did warn her many, many times. Not trying to say that I'm totally not at fault, I will admit I had something to do with her downfall, but she needs to take some blame for it too.
Back to that whole thing with Megan R. Yeah, I still think about her a ton. Even when I am with Kendra, I think about her. Kendra makes me really happy, she takes my mind off of things, but Megan still persists. I have her memory with me, in everything that I do. Songs I hear make me think about her all the time. Funny how music can effect a person like that, but it sure does. It is weird though. I used to be able to really, truly feel a connection with her, even after our falling out, and break up. I could sense that she was alive, and well, and happy (at times). Now that connection is broken, though I still think that I feel it from time to time. I wonder about her, if she's doing well, if she had the baby yet, if/when her and Alan (I believe that's his name) are getting married. All these questions I want answered, but fear to ask, because I fear I will be hurt again (and I know I would not receive answers that I like). It's all in the past now, and I should move on, and in a way, I have, although I know that I can, and will never love anyone again like I loved her. I mean, if I can't love Kendra that way, then there is no one other then Megan Roeller herself that could make me love that way again.
I guess that's enough of my petty bullshit and rambling for now. I'll try to update more often. Goodnight everyone!