Well, what a day. What a start to 2005. It all started on the 31st. I applied at Champion Hyundai. They were very busy so I was asked to come back on the first for an interview. Go in on New Years day, talk to one guy, who makes me talk to a second, and good old Champion loses my application. Harvey, the General Sales Manager tells me to call him on Tuesday and see if my application has been found. Tuesday I call, Harvey is busy, I leave a message. 2 hours later, I call Harvey yet again, ask to hold, Harvey finally picks up says this..."We are gonna wait a couple of weeks, okay bud?" *click* (mind you, he cut me off in the middle of my sentence with his comment). Wednesday, I get a call from Champion and its my good pal Harvey. He wants me to come in and talk to one of his "closers," no problem... This morning, I go in, talk to this guy (I forget his name), but he's a discharged Marine. Treats me like I'm a child, tells me to sit up straight and all this bullshit (acting like a drill sargent) and after I tell him the same thing I've already told 2 people, he says he'll go talk to Harvey. While they are chatting, Pricilla comes in to give me yet ANOTHER interview. It's short though, because douche bag comes back and says Harvey wants to talk to me. He says "we'll give you a shot, but you have to be agressive, can you start now?" Well fuck, what can I say, I have to say yes or they are gonna get all pissed off. After agreeing to start right away, I am then TOLD, not asked, but TOLD that I have to go home and change coats because the one I am wearing has Avalanche logo's all over it. After telling them I don't have another coat without logo's on it, I am TOLD to go buy one, and that I should get my mother to help if I cannot afford it. After which I am TOLD to "hurry" so I can "prove how much I want this job" (knowing its the SLOWEST dealership in town, my agreeing to take the job in the first place is proving how much I want the fucker). So I go home, thinking about what they told me to do, and about how little I want the job now because I was told I had to buy a coat to work there. IT'S JUST A FUCKING COAT GOD DAMNIT. At Ghent, the 2 top sales men EVERY MONTH always had on a "Denver Broncos" jacket. IT'S JUST A COAT. Get home, mom's here, tell her I have the job, and that I have to have a new coat to keep it, but I don't want the job for that fact alone. I am then told that my life is bullshit because I do nothing with it. I am blamed for every little fuck up in my life to this point. I am blamed for quitting college, even though it wasn't my choice. I am told I don't try hard enough to get a job, and that my happiness in life, and in what I do, does not matter, the only the fact that I am employed does. I am told that no matter what, I need to have a job. I guess if it means that it depresses me to the point of suicide, I have to have a job anyway. So, I stayed with Kendra the rest of the day, I never went back to Champion, nor did I call to say sorry. I just stayed with Kendra, and I cryed, and I wanted to come home, pack my shit, and leave, and never come back, but I know that I am too poor, and that I have no where to go. And sitting around thinking today, I realized that I am just a fucking disappointment, and a let down to my parents. My brother flunks out of high school at 16, but he has a job, so he can get away with murder. I graduate high school with a 3.3 GPA, and an acceptance to Colorado State, (which I was told I couldn't do because we couldn't afford it, only later to be told I should have done it when I had the chance because we would have made it work) yet I am the major disappointment in the family. Nothing I do is good enough for them unless I have money coming in. This of course leads me to realize other things. Like the stuff I want in life, it's not acheveable from where I am at, and where I am coming from. Those of you who know me, know that I love cars, and want nothing more then to own a Viper someday. Well, with my background, and my life, its impossible to acheive. They say you can be anything you wanna be, to them I say bullshit. You can only be what you are able, and it seems all I am able to do is settle in life like my dead beat parents have. They never tried to make anything better for themselves. My mother has worked for the same company for as long as I've been alive, and my father works maintenence. Both earn less then 13k a year. They have just settled, because it's what they could do. I don't want to be like that, I want to be more successful. I want a life that I can look back on and be proud of. I couldn't ever be proud of what they have. Is that so much to ask? And if I have to work the rest of my days on this Earth, then I want it to be in something I will enjoy, and be good at, because what's the point of wasting so many years on so many shitty, dead end jobs? Is it so much to ask to be happy? Is it too much to want something better then what I have been set up for? I don't think so, but I guess some people would disagree.
Sorry for the insane length. If you have anything to say, give me a call.