Today, as I stood literally inches from my life's dream, I began to realize how much of a waste of time it is. I realized that I come from a poor background, live in a poor family, have no job, nor any hope of getting one any time soon, and it will probably be that way for the rest of my life. I have 0 resources to achieve that what I dream about all the time. I have a great girl, who would do anything for me in the world, and that I am very thankful for, I have a family, who most of the time, seem to care about me and my life, that I am also thankful for. The few friends I have are good people, and are good to me, that I am thankful for. It doesn't seem like a bad life, and I suppose that it's not, but it's not my dream. For the most part I am happy, which is good, but it is not my dream, and realizing that my dream will never be, is something that can crush anyone in an instant. I should set a goal that I can achieve, like getting a job, and forget about the other, it's just a waste of time, and it's killing me every time I think about it, and realize that it will never be. I'll feel empty without it, but I know it's for the best...
7-20-04
Hello all, and welcome back to this Journal. It's been a while I know, but I needed to get away from all the drama a "public" journal brings for a while. So now I'll give you and update. Life has been decent. Kendra and I are still "together" and still having fun. Justine and I are not longer talking, if you want reasons, I'll be happy to give them to you. Um, Megan Smith is playing camp counselor in PA, and will be gone the rest of the summer, so that sucks. I talked to Roeller a couple weeks back. She's doing well, has a child now and she's happy. I think she tries to hurt me though, because there were a few comments made by her during on conversation that sounded like she was trying to make at least partly my fault that our relationship fell apart.
What else... I almost had a job, I was one of the final 7 people they were looking at, but I never got a call, so here I sit. Um, the best news I have is, on the 15th of this month I went to yet another Cruise Night at A&W in Eaton. I was waiting to meet a guy I have been talking to on the Internet, who has a Viper, and was going to bring it. So I wait, and I wait, and I wait, and he doesn't show, so that killed my good mood. And just as I'm losing all hope, a blue car pulls off of the Highway and drives slowly by the show, at first I only see the very bottom half of it, so I thought it was a Lotus Elise which is exotic anyway so I got excited for that. I ran towards the street, and only when I got closer to the car did I realize that it was a Ferrari 355 Berlinetta. I asked the guy (Todd) if he wanted to get into the parking lot and he said "sure" so I held up the rope so he could drive in. Once he was parked we got to talking, and out of the blue he offered me a ride when the show started to end. At this point my mood was very high again, and I was on cloud 9. Kendra and I decide its time to eat, so we head inside and order our food. I get about half way through my meal when a kid walks to the table behind us and asks if they had seen the Viper outside. I stop in mid chew and ask Kendra if she heard that, and not waiting for her answer I got up and started towards the door. I got half way through A&W when Kendra yelled at me and told me it was on the other side of the building, so I turn around, and run out the other door. Sure enough, there's Detlef and his 2001 Viper GTS. After we introduce ourselves I head back inside to finish my food, but I am too excited to eat another bite. Head back outside, talk to Shana for a few and then go back to the Viper. Detlef, Kendra, and I talk for a while, I take quite a few pictures, and then he informs me he has to leave early. That's bad news, but it works out for the best. As he leaves he romps on it, letting everyone hear about 480-490hp. Kendra and I head back over to Todd, who has his car warming up, and about 5 minutes later we are ready to go. The car looks far too small for someone my height, and if I were driving, it probably would be, but the passenger seat was comfortable, and I could extend my legs almost fully. As soon as we get on the highway, Todd slams the gas and we take off, blowing by everything in the blink of an eye. We were going pretty fast, and after we got back to the A&W, we decided it was probably about 130 mph that we reached (Todd has gone 189 out of a possible 204). So yeah, that was my Thursday of last week. And that's my update.