Well, shit with Megan is really wearing on me. I love the girl to death, and I want her in my life so much. But I dont know if I should risk my heart, and my life with her. I know my luck, and I know my life, I'll want her back, and she'll be with me again, and in the end, she'll just fuck me over like everyone else so she can be with this ex of hers. I don't want to believe that's what will happen, but I have never been shown anything different. No one has ever proven to me that it can be different. Then I have Megan Smith trying to convince me that she is not perfect for me, and that I can do better. But, she doesn't know. Just as I was kept in the dark about her and Darrin, she has been kept in the dark about Megan and I. Megan (S) brings up the fact that Megan (R) cheated on me, and that Megan (R) is always such a rude bitch to her, not to mention that Megan (S) thinks that the other Megan is ugly. But with the tables turned, Darrin was a cheater, he was an asshole to me, and he's not all that good looking, but were my warnings about all that listened to? Nope. Now, I do love Megan Smith as a friend, and inspite of everything she is probably my best friend, but how come when I wanna do my thing, I am wrong, and I have to listen to what she wants, but when the tables are turned she doesn't wanna hear what I have to say. How does that work? Sorry, I just dont think thats right. But anyway. I really don't know what to do with Megan (R). I mean, I love her, and I want her, but I don't know if I can risk it all. I would really like to know what she thinks about all this, but according to her, she hasn't thought about it cuz it makes her depressed, that alone worries me. I mean, if something this big happened in your life, wouldn't you think about it? I just........don't know. Someone help me, please. And Megan, if you do read this, please tell me how you feel, and what you think, and most of all, what you want.
3-27-03
Todd and I were just talking about my fucked up senior year. One name came up. Brooke. Brooke Imler to be exact. It was really fucked up what happened between us. Actually, I don't really know what happened between her and I. One day we are getting along perfectly. And then, she won't have anything to do with me. WHY? I DONT KNOW WHY! So, if you read this brooke, or anyone who knows brooke for that matter...I wanna know why you stoped calling, why you stopped answering my calls, why you never talk to me, and all that shit.
In other news, megan's X wants her back, and she's still in love with him. Any advice offered is welcomed. Thanks.
3-25-03
Hello Scarlet, and welcome to my hell. All I ask is that your not like every one else who reads this. Judgemental, and always ready to attack me for the smallest thing. If you can give your two cents like a normal, calm person, without losing your temper, then that puts you above and beyond just about everyone I know. But anyway, welcome, and I'll see you around Sassy Lumberjack! ~Your "Joshy"
3-22-03
FUCK YOU!
3-1-03
Kendra and I are done. I have lost all trust for everyone. I hate me, and I hate you. I hate life, I hate death, and I hate you. If you died, I'd be happy. If I die, you'll be happy. My trust in people, as a whole, no longer exists. The people who have my trust now have earned it, and will keep it, those who dont have my trust, probably wont, and those who have broken my trust, you can go fuck yourselves.
To:
Megan R.: I love you still, don't let this entry make you think different. You know my number if you wanna talk.
Justine: You should have come to the game, at least I would have had a reason to smile, but thats gone now. Sorry.
Grace: You too know my number if you wanna get a hold of me. If not, then I suppose I'll see you at the 10 year reunion, or at hockey games.
Todd: You're still a bad ass motherfucker, and by far the best guy friend I have. I'll be seeing you on Friday's.
Shannon: You're still my girl, you know that. I hope to see you around.
Amanda Smith: I don't even know if you read this or not, but if you do, I just wanna say thanks for the friend you were, and the lessions you taught. Though we never talked much, I still thought about you a lot, and miss you even more. I hope we can talk sometime.
Amanda Chidester: Your my hockey buddy. We can always bitch about Pierre Fat Ass together for hours, and you always made me smile. You'll find that tall dark military man some day, don't give up! Go Avs!
Jennifer Newell: You are a devoted confident young woman. You are an inspration to me, I wish I had your will and your drive for life and success. You'll knock them dead at Yale, or Harvard, or CU, or which ever school you go to. I wish you the greatest of luck. Oh, and Go Avs to you as well!
Melissa Dodge: You are a unique individual. I am sorry for anything I have done in the past to hurt you. I wish you a happy and successful life, cuz we both know you deserve it.
Beth: You have a passion for life that I never understood. You could see the good in people and things that I could never comprehend. I am sure that no matter what you put your mind to, you can succeed.
Anyone who I have left out of the above. I am sorry. Those of you who I trust know who you are. And to those of you who I do not trust, and you know who you are, the next time I wanna hear from any of you, or about any of you, is when I get the news that you are dead. That's gonna be it from me this time children. I don't know if , or when, I will ever update again. But keep your eyes on my site, and your ear to the street, cuz you never know when I'll come driving past in my Viper Venom800 Twin Turbo.