It's almost been a freaken month sense I have updated anything on here. I'm a lazy mofo. Not a whole lot has happened. I was sick all last week, so I got a much deserved break from the boring and hellish school life. Today I go back, find out that a huge project that I thought was due this Wednesday is do today. So naturally, I don't have like, any of it done. It's a major 200 point asignment, and I failed it, and probably have failed the class due to that alone. To top things off, I get home and get a lovely e-mail from Megan telling me that she won't be online for a while, and of course she gives no fucking reason. She is always the one telling me never to leave her, yet she seems to love to just take off on me. As for everyone else, Amanda is still the same dumb ass blonde bitch. She has sunk to an all time low ditching a guy from my school on his senior prom night. Laura is done with school and graduates on Sunday. I plan on being there although I don't know what time it starts. She wrote me and e-mail a while back telling me she had something important to tell me, after I wrote her back and asked her what it was, I never got a reply, so it obviously isn't that important. Well, that about wraps it up, I'll try and update more often, but until next time, Lates!
5/20/01
Graduation day. The day when you and all of your friends part ways and probably never see eachother again. They make it sound like such a good time in your life, you're moving on into the world. But they fail to mention that you will be losing everything in the process. All of the ones you were closest too, all of those who you cared about and those who cared about you. Some great day that is. Sure, there will be the few who keep in touch over the years, but the few is the minority. Isn't it almost hellish to think that you will never see most of your friends ever again? The people you turned to for help in the "best years of your lives?" The people you confide in, and maybe, even the people you loved?
See, I went to Laura's graduation today. And I realized all of this. Graduation is very painful. I was sitting in the stands, thinking about my past with Laura, and all of the feelings from way back when returned to me. Then they read her name for her diploma. I was very happy for her. After I left early to avoid having to talk to her, I found myself face to face with her back home. We talked, I told her how proud I was of her. It was then that I realized just how much I missed her and everything about her. This isn't fair you know. I can't tell her how I feel, not after all we have been through. And these feelings just ruin everything for me. My plans were perfect...then this. Again, it's not fair to me. Damn graduation. Damn change. Damn basic human emotions. Damn it all.
Laura, I know that you will probably read this some time...and I don't know what your reaction will be to it, but everything I have said is the truth and you know I don't lie. I am very proud of you. You've made it to where you wanted to be for so long, and you deserve it more then anyone I know. Congrats to you, and good luck with anything you decide to do.
I guess that's all for now everyone. Lates.
5/23/01
Okay, new shit just happened. I talked to Laura, and told her she had e-mail. So maybe she will read what I said last time. But after our short 5 min. phone call I realized something more. Those feelings that I felt on Sunday, they seem to be a fluke. I completely lost them after talking to her. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but as of right now, it seems to be. That could change at anytime, but it means that almost everything can return to the way it was. And as for Laura, I hope she gets to read both the last one and this one, so she knows the real truth. Well, there are important people on that I need to talk to, so until next time PEACE!
5/29/01
Everything has gone to hell in the last 18 hours. School, friends, family, and especally me. I did just what Megan decided to do, I started cutting again. Oh well, not like anyone I know cares. In the last 18 hours I have become more angry and depressed then I have been in months. This all from a few select events that happened. I'll just make this quick by saying that I have shut of my IM's on AOL and I won't be talking to anyone on the internet, phone, or otherwise for a long time. Fuck the world, and fuck this life, there are no need for either. See you all in hell, peace!