Well, just a few min. ago I had a ton of shit to write about. But I forgot all that. I guess I'll just write what I remember. Megan wen't to visit her new best friend, boy friend, or whatever, Miguel. As I am sure you can guess, this displeases me. True, I was hard as hell on her for making a decision like this, but you don't run off and meet some guy you just met when you relationship is in deep shit like ours. Second, she would have been just as hard on me if I said I was going to go meet someone who lived in Wyoming or Utah, or Nebraska, or Kansas. She would have reacted just as I had. So I am not upset about my actions. Not at all. Second, Megan has been puting words in my mouth like its the 11th christian comandment. And she wonders and asks why I don't love her anymore. If you won't let me think, and speak, and explain for myself, then I can't possibly love you. That's just the way shit is. Okay, last but not least, I learned today that I have an actual second regular visiter to my site. Beth, thanks for stoping by and reading what I have to say. It means a lot to me. All right. That's it, g'night.
10-24-01
Well, the week started out well, but it will get worse, MUCH worse. I will get to the worst of it later. But I will open with the good stuff. On Monday and Tuesday I had the opritunity to go over to Greeley Central and do some speaking with probably some of the best people I have ever met. The speaking was for SESS (Suicide Eduacation and Support Services). First of all I'd like to say thanks to my mentor Patty for setting me up with this awesome group of people, and second I would like to congratulate Kristen, Sarah, and Ryan, as well as Linda for helping out with the all to important cause. I don't know about the rest of them, but I think we made a difference in at least some of those kids lives. At least we can hope right?
Yay, on to the bad shit. As I'm sure you've read, Megan has a new friend Miguel. Well, she's leaving Indiana and going to Michigan to meet this guy, whoever he is, sometime this week as I understand it. (haven't talked to Megan in about a week) After talking to a few people that I trust, and giving them all the facts that I have to date, I have 3 people who agree with me, and one undecided. The agree with me that there is more then just a friendship going on there, much more. There has been much dispute about this subject, but I have made my case, and made it well, and I can and will make it time and time again. I'll try and end this on a good note...I was able to track down the ever beautiful Jessica Pottorff <shutters>, all I can say is I am good!
Damn, I will have to end this on a bad note. After learning just days ago that Grace and Mark had infact split up, I have realized that Grace seems to have developed a thing for this guy named Todd. Now this kid must not be smart because it is more obvious then anything that I have ever seen, that she likes him. Yet he doesn't ask her out. Oh well, his loss, as well as mine...Life sucks.
10-21-01
The end of an era. That's about the only way to put it. This is the end of it. The offical, never ending, end of 6 years of strugle and hard work. As of right now it looks as if there is no possibility of the relationship being saved, nor does it look like either pary involved really wants to save it at this point in time. Man, I'm not even sure we will still be friends anymore. With the way things are going, it sure as fuck don't look like it. I have a few other things I feel need addressing, but I will hold out on those topics till later. So until next time, bye.
10-19-01
Well once again tripod bent me over and fucked me in the ass with no lube. I tried lastnight to up date this piece of shit site, and once again I got the ever famous error message. I'm not gonna try and re-capture what I said, because I don't remember the half of it. So I will start anew. Tonight I had a revelation. I HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE. Everyone turns to me as their last ditch effort for social relief. Never their first choice, but always their last. And when someone else comes along to talk to, its bye bye Josh.
Next is Megan. Arnt you tired of hearing me bitch and moan about Megan? Well I am tired of hearing me, so this will be the last time I do it. Her and I did the split thing again. She crossed some lines she really shouldn't have, after I brought up something that worried me. She just had to go and throw some old mistakes in my face (mistakes that go by the names Laura and Amanda). She also had the never to call me by my full first name. Another line you don't cross. So naturaly all feelings for her that I had stoped right there, and I told her so. Now she whines about that. In a way I miss her to death, but in a way I am totally relieved. I mean, whenever we would talk on the phone, I only ever got a chance to say a couple words, then she'd ask me why I was quiet, I would always say something stupid, not telling her that the truth was that she never let me have a chance to talk. And when I did get a split second to say something, she'd jump in with something about herself and I'd be left quiet again. That was one of my biggest things about our relationship. Same thing goes with the internet, except she nor I ever talked. The only time we ever really do talk is when we are fighting or when she's pissed or upset. In which case it was all her again, and never me. Sound selfish, it may, but truly its not all that selfish concidering that I never got to say or do anything. I just want my turn. I want my turn for everything. Love, money, popularity etc. But will I get it, doubtful. Alright, I think that about covers it. I'm done. With chicks, with my so called social life, and with this entry. G'night all.
10-9-01
Well, once again I am depressed. And like in the past few weeks its caused (for the most part) by one person. The depression tonight was started by a couple other people and my current situation. But none the less it gets me thinking. Most of all...I'm thinking...why the fuck am I such a pussy? The answer..? I have no good idea as to why I am intimidated by the smallest things in my life...but I am. And it pisses me off beyond anything you can imagine. I wish that just once I would have the balls to do what I really want to. Just once I wish I was as cool and confident as some of the people I see around me, but I'm not like that, and I doubt I ever will be. Okay, I'm done. Lates.
10-3-01
Realizing I have no chance with Grace, I decided lastnight that Megan and I should be together again. And so we are. On a less happy note, I have until saturday to find a job, or else my car will end up in the news paper with the rest of them. So Friday night, I will kiss my car goodbye. I know I will not find a job by then. I mean, no one wants to hire a P/T high school kid who can only work some funky ass hours. I live in a college town, my parents don't seem to understand that. I mean, I will be the last to be concitered for a fucking job in this town because we have such a multitude of college kids looking for jobs. So screw the dumb little high school kids. And as for my friends who have jobs, good for them, I could work where they do too...but I dont wanna have the Golden Arches or fucking Burger King printed on my shirt. (no offence ment to my friends) I don't feel like working a 2-bit job till college, I wanna actually do something, get my hands dirty, that kinda shit. So if that means I don't get a job, then I don't get a job. Oh well. Alright, I'm outie. Lates.