A Kiss Before You Go

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A/N: Ok, the reason for this is because my mother sent me a HUGE care package in the mail about two weeks ago. Inside were all the basic things I live off of: Mountain Dew, Goldfish cheeze crackers, and Dynasty Warriors 5. MY MOM IS THE BEST MOM EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any body who wants to prove me wrong can try; I will set you all on fire!!!!!!

I know this is not how things went in history, but it’s my story, there for I get to do what I want with it! ;p

::waves a Zhao Yun x Zhang He flag:: OOOHHHH YEAH BABY!!!!

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Zhang He sighed and pulled shut the thick drapes that blocked out the sunset, casting his large room in dulled colors of orange and red. Shadows danced despairingly across bookshelves and ordinate chairs causing the bedchamber to take on an aura of utter misery. He shut his eyes, resting his head against the scratchy material and feeling the coolness from the glass beneath it seep into his skin. Tears fought their way pass his barriers to spill down his checks as the agony of the loss of his love threatened to overwhelm his very being.

He hadn’t officially been given a farewell quite yet but he knew the other far better than he knew himself, and he had seen the look on his face when he had fought next to the Shu lord.

“Someday,” his love had said, “I will find someone worthy to serve.”

He had laughed at him then, telling him that his head was growing far too large and there was nothing wrong with the Lord that they now served. He had thought the comment was made in jest just to see what Zhang He would say, perhaps even tell him that when he did find such a person he could ask him to come with him.

But as the ways of the cruel world worked he knew that Zilong would not ask him to leave Yuan Shao. Just as he would never ask the other to stay once he found the one that he was destined to work under.

“Please,” he silently wailed, “please say good bye to me.” Yet even as he said the words he still wasn’t certain that he would. From the way the sun was setting it was far too light for the sounds in the dinning hall to die down and he had left early claiming that he needed his beauty sleep. Perhaps he should have stayed later, for the alliance that had formed for the past months against Dong Zhou would be gone with the raise of the morning sun and everyone seemed to want to drag the peace on as long as possible. Zilong had stayed, talking animatedly with Liu Bei. The spark that shown in his eyes was enough to make the peacock general sick just thinking about it.

The look on his face told him that Zhao Yun had indeed found his worthy Lord and in when dawn came he would be gone from his life completely. Even though Zhang He loved him all of his heart and soul he still did not know where he was placed in his lover’s heart. But no matter how much they cared for each other, duty and loyalty was always placed first and foremost above anything else they had ever lived for. Zhao Yun had no claims of loyalty to Yuan Shao, everyone knew that, so his future departure was of no surprise. Even his Lord could not blame the spear general for leaving him for another, more worthy, leader.

Yet Zhang He had no reason to run off with another. His loyalty will forever be with Yuan Shao and the Han. Unless, of course, something tragic where to happen and he had no choice but to leave.

The peacock general slowly slid down to his knees, sitting on the floor and curling into a small ball as if the act alone would ease his breaking heart. His eyes shut tightly not wanting to witness the fall of the sun and the stars that started to make themselves known in the darkening sky. If he held himself a little tighter and shut his eyes harder, then perhaps the dawn would never come and all he had to live for was this very moment.

“Please,” he whispered brokenly, “please, just one kiss before you go.” He lay on the floor, the thick carpets scratching his cheek as he pressed the side of his face against it. The curtains gave a slight ruffle and he vaguely remembered that he had forgotten to close the glass planes.

The temper in the room dropped steadily with the burning of the few candles that had stayed lit and if anyone would have walked in they would have thought the room had been unoccupied for a very, very long time.

Violet eyes slowly blinked, a few tears escaping as the night grew longer and the sky darker. He shuddered as another breeze blew in and yet still could not muster the energy to get up and crawl into his bed, for that seemed like it would be so much more colder than the icy floor. His hand rested near him, his cool fingers almost touching his nose, his warm breath crawling upon his wrist and arm.

Then he realized that Zilong was not coming, he would never say good bye and he would never feel the other’s touch upon his skin ever again. The blow was crushing; it stole the breath from his body as he quietly gasped. He knew now that it was far too late for him to come to his room and he was probably deeply asleep in his own bed, dreaming of the morning when he would officially serve his new lord.

His fingers twitched, his hands aching from the cold darkness that settled around the room hoping that the deadened his body got with it, it would eventually reach his heart and stop it from bleeding. He was tired, more so than he ever remembered being, yet he could not bring himself to sleep. Knowing that his bed was even lonelier than being curled up on the floor under his open window brought him to believe that he could never sleep in it again. It more than likely still smelt of the spear general.

And when dawn finally came he still did not move, his hopes of being proven wrong completely crushed. Perhaps Zilong never did truly love him as he thought he did. Perhaps he now no longer needed anyone else but Liu Bei and his sworn brothers.

“I loved you,” he sobbed, his tears no longer flowing as if he had spent them all up, “Why didn’t you come? I love you still.”

He forced himself to sit, his muscles protesting the movement from laying in the same position through out the night. He looked to the ceiling, not really gazing at anything particular, “Please,” he mumbled one last prayer, “Please don’t let me see him ever again.”

And with those words the numbness and cold finally settled within his heart.

Five months later, General Zhang He defected to Wei.

*owari*