A/N: Relena bashing (...well sorta...) XD

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My Angel’s Cry
Two

I rubbed my tired dried out eyes with the back of my hand as I shouldered my bag onto my back. All I could think of doing was lying down in bed and sleeping, just closing my eyes for as little at ten minutes I would take. When I was a kid I used to watch all those corny television commercials that have to deal with how much better one shuttle company is compared to another. I would sit there outside of an old beat up electronics store on L2 and just watch. They always showed all these people sleeping so peacefully from having the ride carry over so smoothly, all I could think of back then was, ‘Wow, I wish I had enough money or brains to ride on one of those. At least I would get a warm chair to sleep in and maybe more than two dreams in at a time.’ I also wished someone had smacked me upside the head before I went on my first shuttle trip, saying, ‘Kid the world is a cruel and uncaring place.’ In other words, ‘You fucking dummy, they lied to you.’ Peaceful sleep on a shuttle rocket, my ass. Not even after years and years of traveling was I used to it. I still got motion sickness when ever we entered or exited an orbit ... or brushed a gravity field...or saw little flashes light of the overhead compartment...or heard the Captain speak...or heard the attendants ask ‘Me fluff your pillow?’ Or something like that anyway.

I knelt down and started to dig through the smaller of my two bags to look for my missing cap and sunglasses. I pulled the hat out grumbling a ‘Yosh,’ and shortly after found my trademark shades. Can’t be Shinigami without the shakes, now can I? I stood cracking my back and picked my bags back up, almost waddling off the terminal. Not because they were heavy, just awkward to carry, the slight bulkiness and weight difference between the two was throwing my poor skinny body off balance.

“DUO!!”

It was yelled across the hallway and all I could see was flailing arms and a golden head before I was caught in the biggest bear hugs of my life. I smiled and put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him arm length away from me, “Hello Quatre, it’s good to see you again.”

His smiled brighten and he hugged me again, pulling away quickly and took my hand, practically dragging me down the terminal to the waiting car. “By Allah, Duo, I never thought that you would make it! When Relena and Hilde spoke to us, they had said that you were coming, but didn’t know for sure...” He trailed off and looked to me running a hand through his short golden hair, “But I guess it was stupid to think that you would want to come back, huh? After all it’s what we were trained for...”

I blinked, grateful that he missed the emotions that I’m sure passed across my face. I forced some of my old cheerfulness back into my voice, “Yeah, pretty stupid....”

He stopped and turned back to me, “Duo?’

I shook my head, “I am just tired, Q-man, it was a long trip.”

He shook his head at me and popped the trunk of his car, “It’s not that, it’s just...after the war...you seemed to just have dropped off the face of the universe. Nobody knew where you went, if you were dead or just hiding. It even took Miss Relena’s best spies seven months to find you.”

I flung the duffel bag in the back, keeping the small black backpack on my shoulder, “Sorry,” I mumbled, “didn’t think anyone would give a damn if I just up and left. Just needed time to wallow in my self-pity. You and Trowa had each other. As much as Wufei would deny it, he had Sally and the Preventer position that she offered him.” I smiled to him and reached up to ruffle his hair, “And the Perfect Soldier and Ms. Queen of the World...” I felt my smile slowly fade as I let the sentence hang in the air, even after two years it still hurt.

Quatre reached for me, “Duo...”

I shook my head and pulled away, “Let’s just go.”

I have been in many uncomfortable situations before, but none of them have been with the small hand full of people that I could actually call my friends...until now. We rode to one of Quatre’s many houses in silence, I just started out the window, watching the passing trees and signs trying not to notice Quatre’s occasional questioning glances. I knew that he wanted to talk but for once in my life I welcomed the quietness of the car, as thick as it was, I still enjoyed it.

“Heero has been asking for you, wondering when you will arrive. He seems kind of...I don’t know...” he made a gesture with his hand, just a small wave, “Just so...un-Heero-ish.” He smiled.

I turned in my seat and looked at him, blinking, “Un-Heero-ish?” I repeated.

He broke down in a fit of giggles, “You bet! It’s almost like he doesn’t’ know what to do. Like he’s hyper – with the attention span of a two-year- old. You know, un-Heero-ish.”

I smiled for him, only because it was expected of me to do so.

Quatre reached over and socked me in the arm, “If I didn’t know any better, I think that he might have missed his best friend.”

I faced forward, not wanting to look into those laughing blue eyes. I know he was trying to help, trying to lift my mood, but he was only making it worse. I didn’t want to talk about Heero, “Then he shouldn’t have left the way that he did...” I quietly whispered, mostly to myself, wishing the subject to drop.

Quatre’s smile dropped and he glanced sideways at me, indicating that he had heard me, “If it makes you feel any better,” he said, his voice taking an edge that made it sound like he got the hint. That was one of the many things that I liked about Quatre, he knew where to draw the line when it came to personal matters. “Everyone is gone to one of Relena’s peace speaking parties,” he continued, “All you have to do is run into the house and get dressed, one of my servants will be waiting with your cloths by the door. So you won’t have to completely face him until after her speech. That is if you decide to say for the after party, but if you don’t we will understand, you’ve had a long trip I am sure that you want so sleep.” He winked at me, telling me that if needed be he would be more than glad to cover for my disappearance.

I snorted, “I take it that we’re her honored guests?”

He nodded, a slight bitterness crossed through his peaceful eyes, “That’s right.”

I shook my head, my shortened hair brushing against my cheeks, “Stupid bitch.”

S%S

I watched her, listening to every word that she spoke. Her voice still had that fierce determination that it always had in the past only she said her words more carefully and her eyes had lost the naïve like quality that she once held. Now a certain harshness lurked just behind those pretty cerulean orbs as they scanned the crowd. Her gaze shifted from person to person as if she could lock every human’s soul by just an intensified look. She moved quickly past Heero, as if she really didn’t see him at all, then lingering past the other pilots reaching me last. I crinkled my nose at her, trying to distract her from her speech. She gave me a small smile and a quick wink, her voice never skipped a single beat, still ringing clear and strong. I grinned like a fool and winked back, returning the gesture just as quickly as she gave it. Her smile widened and she directed her gaze on the most of the crowed, much to my disappointment. I would have like to have teased her more. I turned my own attention to the crowd my eyes following hers across the table only stopping when I felt a different set of eyes on me. I looked in the opposite direction, just a few seats from my right. Heero had turned slightly sideways in his chair, staring at me with an unreadable expression. Not that Heero had many emotions and expressions to begin with – but fore the first time I truly didn’t have any idea what went through his head at that time.

I cocked my head to the side and smiled giving him a small wave with my fingers. I heard him give a quiet snort as he moved back in his chair continuing to watch Relena. For the first time in years I wanted to cry, I didn’t even what caused the tightness in my chest when he looked at me. With just a look he had torn down all the walls and barriers that said I was over him. Had forgiven myself for letting him go and marrying her. But I wasn’t, I knew that now, I was far from being over him and my heart was still in pieces. I stood, ignoring the questioning looks the other pilots gave me and walked out of the stuffy ballroom and into the crisp night air. I turned my face to the sky letting the cool breeze brush against my cheeks as I loosened my stiff jacket and draped in over the railing of the high balcony. I smiled and opened my eyes to the stars, wishing that perhaps one day I could be like those beautiful tiny lights. Perhaps one day I would be free with no ropes or chains holding me to anything. I stood there, watching the moon raise higher in the night sky and the stars multiply in numbers until it seemed like there were about to take over the entire night and set it a flame.

I felt her walk up behind me, rather than heard her, but gave no acknowledgement of her presence. She stood there a few moments before her soft voice seemed to whisper across the wind. “You know...sometimes I think that you’re not the person I used to know. Like a completely different Duo.” She gave a small husky laugh, “You looked so lost just a moment ago – so unlike you,” I heard her walk up next to me and rest her elbows on the rail.

I reached over and moved my jacket to my other side, fishing out a cigarette and lighting it. I saw her eyes slightly widened as I inhaled and blew the smoke slowly out my nose, savoring the taste. She gave a smile and moved closer to my side so her shoulder was gently brushing against mine.

“Why did you leave early?” A slight hurt echoed in her voice.

I took another drag and look to her, her blue eyes searching mine. I smiled at back at her, “It was getting stuffy in there Ojousan, you know me, I’m not one for big crowds anyways.”

Her smile grew unit it reached her eyes. She shook her head and laid it on my shoulder, “You’ve grown.”

I laughed, the noise sounding alien in my own ears, “Still short though,” I answered.

She giggled barring her face into my shirt, “Smell nice too.”

I fought the urge to laugh again, “You’re a trip, Relena, a real trip you know that?” My face turned serious and I shrugged her off of my arm, taking a step away, “you should go back inside, you’re guests are waiting.”

She frowned, her hurt showing through her eyes. She stuck her nose in the air and I inwardly cringed, she, much to my disliking, had not grown out of that irritating gesture, “I don’t want to.”

I turned to face her, slightly glaring, “That’s the problem isn’t it? You never do what you don’t want to. Spoiled little Princess, always getting what she wants regardless of who she hurts along the way. Never caring what she might possibly break – “I turned away from her, “leave, Relena, go back to your party and guest and leave me be.”

I felt her reach out to me, “Duo, I...”

I walked away from her grabbing my jacket and shrugging it back on, “Go.”

She stomped after me and gripped my elbow. I let her turn me to face her, too overcome with shock to do anything else but stare in her anger filled eyes. I couldn’t believe that she had the guts to touch me, “This is about Heero isn’t it?”

Anger filled inside of me, a deep rage that had been pent up inside for years slowly bubbled to the surface. I ripped my arm from her grasp, “What the fuck did you expect? Me to come back and be all happy and cheerful again? Do you have any idea what I have given for you, you and your bullshit peace? I sold my life for this and you me to be all snuggly with you? You’re more fucking crazy then I thought.”

Her hands tightened into fists, “Your shop was a hole in the wall, you know that.”

I clenched my teeth, “Why? Because it wasn’t like this?” I made a gesture with my hand towards the direction of the ballroom, “I made my shop, no help from anyone. That was my life, I didn’t get anything from Daddy Dear. And that ‘hole in the wall shop’ was the second thing that you took from me.” I pointed a finger at her, “And if you ever do it again, I swear to God that I will kill you with my bare hands. Fuck the peace, fuck the people, fuck what might happen to the colonies if you died. I will watch your miserable little stuck up life slowly drain from you, and smile while I’m doing it,” I walked past her and back inside, leaving her staring horrified into the night.

I reached the double doors leading out of the ballroom and grabbed my outer coat quickly slipping it on. I glanced over my shoulder at the others. Trowa and Quatre were holding onto one another in a dark corner away from everyone. Trowa shifted in the shadows and looked up, his eyes boring into mine, just staring. I felt a shiver run down my spine as I quickly diverted my gaze to the other side of the room. I saw Wufei in what seemed like a heated argument with Sally and Heero was no where to be found. Probably split right after Relena’s speech. I shook my head and steeped out into the hall, closing the oak doors behind me and lighting another cigarette before I even reached the front entrance.

“Smoking makes your breath stink.”

I glared out into the darkness, shrugging as I took another drag, “Like you have to worry about tasting my breath.”

“Hn,” came the reply.

I rolled my eyes as I opened the door and walked our, ignoring the valet and hopped down to the sidewalk towards Quatre’s. I was slightly shocked when I didn’t hear the front doors close right away, even more so when footsteps fell into place beside mine. I stole a sideways glance at him and felt my heart flutter in my chest, thanking God that it was dark and he couldn’t see the flush of my cheeks. I shook my head, “Didn’t know that you still cared,” I snorted, forcing bitterness into my voice.

He let out a soft sigh, his breath puffing in the frigid air, “I used to,” he whispered softly.

“Yeah, whatever.”

He looked at me and I looked away. I didn’t want him to see what reflected in my eyes, I didn’t want to see those dead eyes looking back at me, “Duo...why won’t you look at me?” He sounded helpless, like a small child that didn’t know what was happening.

I shrugged, refusing to let myself care, and picked up my pace wanting to get to the house as soon at possible and took drag of my almost gone cigarette. “Don’t want to look at you,” I answered honestly. Not caring if I hurt his feelings with my bluntness. Fuck, I didn’t even thing he had any feelings.

He let out another puff of air, “That hurt,” he whispered.

I flicked the cigarette bud in front of me, stepping on it as I passed, “So does life.”

“You use to not think so.”

“No,” I shook my head, it seemed to be the popular thing to do tonight, “My mask was the one who loved life and everything in it – not me. I’ve always hated my life and now I’m just too tired to care any more,” I looked to him and offered a smile, cold and bitter, “And I did everything that I could to escape it.” I reached up and rubbed the inner part of my left elbow.

Heero frowned, a small crease forming between his brows as he reached out his hand to me. I shook my head and stepped away from him, “No, don’t touch me. I don’t like to be touched.”

His eyes narrowed and I felt like he was looking into my very soul, “What happened?”

I looked away from him and started to pick up my pace to almost a small jog. My hands began to shake as I fumbled for another cancer stick and the lighter, “Nothing new,” I mumbled.

He followed me matching my pace, stride for stride, “Then what haven’t you told me?”

I gave up on trying to light the cigarette and put it back into it’s box while I still played with the lighter, “What the fuck is this? Twenty questions?”

He grabbed my arm and spun me around, “Obviously whatever is bothering you is flawing the way you function. It could effect the way you carry your missions.”

I laughed at him, “Oh really? Ever the Perfect Soldier aren’t ya, Yuy? God fucking forbid my bitterness change the way I see thing. You didn’t complain that fucking each other might effect our missions.” I ripped my arm from his grasp and inwardly smiled in satisfaction when he actually flinched, “But of course it wouldn’t have, would it? So tell me, Yuy, was Relena a better fuck than your best friend?” I didn’t let him answer before I walked off, leaving him glaring after me. “I guess so considering it took you a year and a half to leave her. But than again, from what Wufei has told me, you two weren’t fucking very often anyway. So maybe not.”

I heard his inward hiss of breath between his teeth, “You kept in contact with Wufei?”

I snorted not bothering to answer him as I turned a corner taking the long way to Quatre’s hoping that Heero wasn’t going to follow me and just maybe there would be a few bars on my way home.

TBC...