Raspbery and Lace - Part 2/10 Summary and disclaimers in Part 1 ***** Late February 2001 J. Edgar Hoover Building Special Agent Dana Scully carefully maneuvered herself down the stairs toward her office. She could have used the elevator, but she felt she needed as much exercise as she could get. With seven weeks left until her baby's due date, she now weighed in approximately forty pounds more than she had been only four months ago. In fact, she had lost a great deal of weight after Mulder's funeral, but had gained it back quickly once she had gotten past her 'incident', as her mother liked to call it. Only two weeks ago, she had again undergone a very stressful moment, but she and the baby had survived once again. And now... She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and took a deep breath, allowing a small smile to emerge on her face. Now, things were much better. Mulder was alive. She still had to mentally pinch herself several times a day. After three months of trying to learn to live without him; after three long, horrible months of trying to keep the X-Files up and running for no other reason than that she knew Mulder would want it that way; after three months of thinking she would never see his smile, hear his voice on the other end of the telephone line, feel his hand at her back as he held a door open for her. He was back. In fact, she could hear his voice even now. Her brow furrowed. He didn't sound happy. But, of course, if he was in the office with Doggett, he wouldn't be happy. It wasn't his anymore, after all. Kersh had made sure of that. With another sigh, this one not so enthusiastic, Scully moved forward. "How can you possibly understand this, Agent Doggett?" Mulder was saying in a stern voice. "Open minds aren't something that can be bought and sold like prime real estate. You can't just believe one moment, when it suits you, then discard the idea when it appears you're going to get in trouble for believing it." "Is that what you think I did here?" Doggett responded. His voice was just as hard. "You think I wrote up a report that indicated I believed this woman's story, then rescinded when questioned by Kersh?" "Didn't you?" Mulder's voice was quiet, but firm. Scully was ready to enter the office and try her best at soothing Mulder's temper when she heard Skinner's voice. He was already on the job. "Look, Mulder. They solved the case. They've solved most of their cases in the last several months, thereby keeping the X-Files open. I thought that would make you happy." "Solved it?" Mulder didn't sound appeased. "Or swept it under the rug?" Scully felt her throat tighten. Was he saying what she thought he was? She stepped back away from the door, wanting to hear the conversation, but not wanting to be seen. Mulder had been acting strangely ever since his return. Of course, he had every right to act differently after the horrors he had been through. And losing six months of your life couldn't be easy. It had been hard for Scully after her return, and she had only been gone a little more than a month. But she still felt disheartened that he wouldn't talk to her. He had never asked how she had coped without him. How she had continued on. He had never even asked about the baby. And now, he appeared to be accusing her of abandoning the truth they had searched for so hard for years. Of cheating on the X-Files. "How can you even ask that?!" Doggett demanded, his voice rising. "Agent Scully has worked hard in the last several months. Much harder than she's needed to. She's put up with ridicule and speculation, distrust and non-belief. I'm sure you know all about that. She has never once tried to take the easy way out on any of these cases." "But you have, haven't you?" Mulder continued, undaunted by Doggett's argument. "I'll bet you got her to sign off on some of these cases without her even knowing what she was doing." "Oh, like you did on the soul-eater case?!" What soul-eater case? Scully didn't remember a soul-eater case. Apparently, neither did Mulder. "What are you talking about?" If Scully had been in the room, she probably wouldn't have questioned Mulder's response. But standing in the hallway, she could concentrate on his voice, and she heard the slight change in it. The lightness of tone that told her he was hiding something. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." Doggett's voice was steady. "The one I didn't turn in to Kersh, at Skinner's request. The one you never told Agent Scully about." Scully had had enough. She stepped into the room. "What the hell are you guys doing?" If she hadn't been so upset, she would have laughed at the three pairs of male eyes that widened suddenly at her entrance. She folded her arms and glared at each of them in turn. "I don't know why this office is suddenly full of so much testosterone, but it's making me ill, so I'd like it to go away." She looked at Skinner. "Sir, I appreciate you trying to avert disaster by being here, but you really don't need to baby-sit these two." She looked at Doggett. "Agent Doggett, I know you understand how important the X-Files are to Agent Mulder, and I'm sure that whatever insults he has dispensed can be contributed to his lack of knowledge at how we have conducted ourselves since we have been partnered together on this project." She took a deep breath and looked at Mulder. His expression was unreadable, his eyes shadowed. "And Mulder, I would appreciate it if you would come to me next time you think I haven't been doing your job good enough, and not to Agent Doggett, who didn't want to be assigned to the X-Files in the first place, but has handled himself admirably in the past several months. And," she continued, "in fact, has been far more open-minded than I ever was during my first years here." "I'm sorry, Scully," Mulder responded, but there was no apology in his voice. "You're right. I don't know how you and Agent Doggett here have been conducting yourselves since you have been partnered together." His voice had a definite sarcastic edge to it. "But I do know that this office hasn't investigated one UFO sighting or one alleged alien abduction since I left it more than six months ago." Scully felt her body stiffen. He was wrong. They had investigated *his* abduction. "Is that what this is about?" Doggett asked. He gave a half laugh, then leaned backed and propped his hip on the desk behind him. Mulder's desk. "What do you call that little escapade we just got done with?" Mulder turned his glare on the other man. "There are evils out there you know nothing about, Agent Doggett. Men that would do anything to insure this office never investigates another case about aliens or their potential invasion." "Mulder," Scully said sharply. "The Consortium is dead." "I know that, Scully, but--" "And so is CGB Spender." Mulder stood stock still, his jaw locked, his eyes not moving from hers. "We don't have any proof, but we think Krycek killed him." Scully shrugged. "Not that it matters. He was dying anyway." "Krycek?" Doggett knew that name. "The same bastard who...?" He stopped at Skinner's sharp look. "What?" Mulder had seen the exchange. "What did he do now?" "Nothing, Mulder," Skinner said quickly. "The fact is, there have been no real abduction cases in months." Scully knew he was lying. There had been one. Not really an abduction case, but it had been about an abductee. A woman who had supposedly given birth to an alien baby before being killed by her doctor. That case had never been officially opened. "Except for yours," Skinner continued, "which should have closed three months ago after your funeral. But Agent Doggett kept it open." "Why?" Mulder swung around to look at Doggett. Doggett shrugged. "Because. It hadn't been solved." He stood straight and took a step toward Mulder. "I don't like unanswered questions, Agent Mulder." "Then you must really hate the X-Files, Agent Doggett." Doggett drew back, but didn't argue. "He may not like them," Scully said. "But he was willing to keep them going even after I went on maternity leave." Mulder looked at her, then back at Doggett. "I'm wondering, Agent Doggett, why that is?" "Mulder...!" "Don't defend him, Scully! He can defend himself." "He shouldn't have to!" "You know, for a person who should have learned long ago not to trust anyone easily, you sure have given your trust to this man without question. Must be the extra hormones." Scully wanted to argue how untrue that was. She wanted to tell him about her and Doggett's first meeting. And how she had ditched him, and argued with him, and kept her pregnancy from him. But, instead, she gave Mulder a dark glare. "And after all those years we worked together, I'd have thought you would trust my judgment." She unfolded her arms and stepped back. "But I guess you've proved more than once that you trust no one. Ever." She quickly turned and left the office, heading for the elevators this time. She managed to make it to her car before the tears started falling. Damn hormones. ***** Mulder watched Scully go, and he tried to feel nothing. But his heart ached, and he couldn't stop it. A part of him wanted to run after her, but he stood still, his mind a jumble. The confusion and anger and lingering pain all combined to hold him back. God, he felt so alone. Which was laughable, really. He had always been alone. Not true, a voice inside his head told him. With Scully, you were never alone. "You fuckin' bastard." The words were soft, but they grabbed Mulder's attention as quickly as if a gun had been fired next to him. He turned his head to look at Doggett. The other agent's eyes were burning blue fire. "You know, when I started this whole thing after your disappearance, I had only minimal respect for you...and your partner. But, it only took a few short days of working with Agent Scully for me to amend my opinion of her. And because she was so damn loyal to you, so desperate in your defense, I figured you must really be a good man deep down." He snorted softly. "Boy, was I wrong. Why she cares about you so much, I'll never know." He began to walk toward the door of the office. "You know nothing about us, Agent Doggett." Mulder wasn't about to let the man walk out now. "Oh, really?" Doggett said sarcastically, turning to face Mulder once more. "I know that she never stopped looking for you. Every free hour she had, despite a full case load. Cases that she tried her best to solve by trying to think like you. Trying to *be* you." He shook his head. "And all the while, though I didn't know it for a long time, she had that baby to think about, too. I was convinced she was so stressed by your situation that she was making herself sick. She was even admitted to the hospital twice." He looked at Skinner, who had closed his eyes in frustration. "Of course, I wasn't told this. I had to find out by accident." He directed his gaze to Mulder again. "And I saw how she was after your death." His eyes had darkened, and he appeared to be looking inside himself at some distant memory. From his expression, it wasn't a good memory. "She is the strongest woman I have ever known. But losing you almost destroyed her." All of Doggett's words were soaking in, seeping past the anger. The confusion. Hospital? Sick? Because of the baby? Almost... "What do you mean, almost destroyed her?" Doggett looked past him to Skinner again. The older man shook his head ever so slightly. "That's not for me to say," Doggett whispered. Mulder felt the anger explode again. He turned on Skinner. "Well, then. Maybe you can tell me." Skinner folded his arms and shook his head firmly. "No." He didn't say or do anything else. He didn't need to. "You mean I'm going to have to ask Scully herself?" "Not if you're going to keep accusing her of mishandling the X-Files since you've been gone," Doggett growled. Mulder squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep breath. Pain shot through him. He knew she hadn't. He knew she had taken good care of them. But these feelings of dislocation and... jealousy... poured through him. The X-Files were his. Scully was his. Yet, they had continued on without him. It was a selfish, irrational feeling, but one he couldn't deny. He hated himself for it. Without opening his eyes, he whispered, "Please, tell me what happened after I... 'died'." "Mulder." Skinner's voice was just as soft. He opened his eyes and looked at the man next to him. His friend. "Go to her. Talk to her. Better yet, listen to her." ***** Dana Scully's Apartment Scully sat in the corner of her bedroom, on the floor, her knees drawn up as far as they would go before bumping into her protruding belly. She found herself here often. Too often. Usually with tears in her eyes. She guessed it was her way of hiding those tears, even from herself. Like a little girl sent to her room after getting into trouble, she huddled there, eyes on the bedroom door, praying nobody would walk in and see her. And think her weak. Helpless. She was still grieving. Even though Mulder was alive, she realized she was still in a state of mourning. She hated it. She knew she should be glad he was alive, and she was. Overjoyed, in fact. But a little part of her, that small, selfish part, still missed him. Mulder had been returned, but not to her. At least, not the way he had been before he had been taken. She had become so hopeful before Oregon. He had been making attempts at becoming closer to her, hinting at a romantic relationship. He cooked dinner for her once. And he spent more time at her apartment for non-work. Movies. Card games. Simple talking. Only a week before they left for Oregon at Billy Miles' request, they spent a night at his apartment, talking until three in the morning. She had fallen asleep on the couch, and had awakened a few hours later in his bed. Just like that other night. Only this time, she had still been clothed, and he hadn't been beside her. Apparently, he wanted to take it slow. She shook her head ruefully. Slow. As if eight years of foreplay weren't enough. Why had he waited? And why did he seem so distant now? She wished he would talk to her. The baby kicked and she winced, bringing her hand down to soothe the imagined bruise. Then, there was the baby. She clearly remembered the amazed look on his face when he had first seen her expanded belly in the hospital after his return. His eyes had become bright, and a small smile had touched the corners of his mouth. But, then a darkness had descended over his entire face. He met her eyes with his own and simply said, "Wow." And that was it. No questions. No curious looks. Instead, he had become defensive about the X-Files. His sarcasm had taken on a sharp edge, rather than a humorous tone. And his attitude toward Doggett bordered on jealousy. Scully would have felt a bit better if she thought the jealous behavior was because of her, but she knew it wasn't. It was for the X-Files. She moved her hand along the expanse of her girth, finding more movement. She had long ago decided to stop wondering about the child. She firmly believed it was a healthy, human baby; she couldn't not think that and stay sane. But, she still wondered about how. And why. Was it Mulder's? She had literally prayed that it was. But if so, how? Her chip. It was the only explanation. Something had been done to it. But when? She thought back, to a time almost eleven months ago... >>>April 2000 She knew she was out of her depth. Why had she agreed to do this? It was the most idiotic thing she had ever done, and, thanks to Mulder, she had done some pretty stupid things in the past. But ditching Mulder to go on a road trip with CGB Spender had to be the epitome. And there was no way out. 'Oh, Mulder,' she thought to herself. 'I really wish you were here.' Not that it would be any less dangerous. But she had always felt safer when she was with her partner, God knows why. The man had the dubious honor of getting himself into more trouble than an eight-year-old boy in a candy store. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he worried? Or just pissed? She dreaded facing him again, even with the knowledge that she was only doing to him what he had done to her more times than she cared to remember. He had probably gotten the Gunmen's help, but knowing the man sitting in the passenger seat of the car, they wouldn't have any luck. Spender was too good. After all, they hadn't even known his name until recently. Cigarette Smoking Man. Cancer Man. Bastard. He had been known by many other names before becoming known as Spender in her head. He was talking. She was trying to ignore him. He wanted to drive, but she was not about to give up what little control she had. Even if she had been at the wheel all night and was getting more than a little tired. Then he asked her a question that got her attention. "How long did it take Mulder to win your trust?" She immediately went on the defensive. "I've always trusted Mulder." But Spender obviously disagreed. "You're being dishonest with yourself. Think back. There was a time when you feared for your future, for your career, when you were first partnered with this man." He was right. She had been filled with an anxious fear the day she had been assigned to the X-Files by Section Chief Blevins. But she had also been filled with excitement and anticipation. She had heard about the brilliant Fox Mulder. She had read his monograph while at the Academy. The idea of working with such an incredible, challenging mind thrilled her as much as it frightened her. And she had trusted him almost immediately. It had been instinctive. And she had been running on very few instincts back then. Spender continued talking. Continued with his psychological profile of her. And it was terrifying how close he really was. "You're drawn to powerful men. But you fear their power. You keep your guard up, a wall around your heart. How else do you explain that fearless devotion to a man obsessed and a life alone? You'd die for Mulder, but you won't allow yourself to love him." Scully had already been a nervous wreck, and Spender's words had only made it worse. Her mind had suddenly become more active, exhausting her further. But not so much that she believed him after she woke in a strange bed the next morning. "You drugged me!" "I did nothing of the sort!" He looked and sounded as if he had been given the world's greatest insult. "How the hell did I get out of my clothes and into bed?" She remembered nothing of it. The last thing she recalled was falling into a fitful sleep in the passenger side of the car just after dark. She had been thinking about Mulder. "I carried you! You had been up for over thirty hours. You were delirious. I only wanted to make you comfortable." His words only soothed her a little. And only because she knew it was no use arguing about it. But she didn't believe him. She had been awake for longer stretches, and she never slept so deep that she wouldn't notice a man carrying her and taking off her clothes. She was small, but she was no lightweight. He wouldn't have had an easy time of it, and all the jostling and moving around would have roused her in no time. So, the question was, what had he done to her and why?<<< She still wondered. A sound from outside her closed bedroom door grabbed her attention. She felt her spine stiffen. Someone was in her apartment. And she had been so lost in thought, she hadn't even noticed his entrance. Hell, maybe Spender had just put her to bed. If she could be so out of it while awake, then why not asleep? She started to push herself up off the floor, but she knew she would not manage it in time. The bedroom door was already opening. And she knew who it was. Her mother was out of town. And only one person other than her mother had a key to her apartment. Mulder. ***** End 2/10