“An End, A Beginning”

Author’s Notes: This chapter fic started out in one direction and, as you will see, ended in a completely different one. I wrote it for the New Years Countdown at the LiveJournal community, Gackt JOB Fics.

“You, please try to calm down,” Cha pleaded, to no avail. The violinist had passed out twice since Hikari had broken the horrific news to the younger man. She’d called Cha back after the first time, frantic, saying something about hallucinations and shock and that Cha needed to get to the house as soon as he could. By the time he’d arrived, You was conscious again, but was quickly working himself up into another frenzy. Within minutes, he’d collapsed a second time. With Hikari’s help, Cha had moved the taller man to the bed and had prayed that You would at least be stable when he’d next awake.

Apparently, he mused as he watched the violinist pace in front of him, dangerously close to hyperventilating again, his prayers were going to go unanswered.

“He was here, Cha!” You cried in frustration. “He was everywhere. He was in the bathroom. Showering. Then—then in the closet. Getting dressed…” You collapsed on the floor in front of the other man then, wrapping his shaking arms around Cha’s legs. The guitarist could do little but rest his hands on the other’s back, rubbing what he hoped were soothing circles against his shoulders. “He was in my bed Cha!” he cried, his voice catching in his throat. “I’m not crazy. I’m not. I can’t be. I saw him. Oh God. And then he screamed. Oh, he screamed. No one screams like that, Cha…that scream, Cha. It felt like a hole was being ripped into me, into the very air around us. No human can scream like that Cha. No one.”

*****

“They said…” Dai began, struggling to get his voice above a whisper. “They said in the initial examination that his death wasn’t caused by the injuries from the incident in the subway.” He looked up then, but You didn’t acknowledge him; he just kept staring out the hospital conference room’s window. “They said that if you wanted it, they could perform a full autopsy to determine the cause of death—”

“What does it matter?” Dai said nothing. Hikari rubbed at her eyes again. “What does it matter now what did this? He’s gone. Don’t let them cut him up,” You said, his voice breaking at the last. Fighting tears, he buried his face in his hands. “Just make it stop…”

Cha ushered the other two quickly out, closing the door gently behind them. After only a moment’s hesitation, he strode across the room and took the other man in his arms. With an anguished moan, You collapsed against the shorter man, wrapping his arms around the thin waist and let the tears come.

*****

A year.

You put down his camera, lest he drop it, and looked up at the calendar.

A year. A full year since…

He shook his head and went back to his photo editing program. He wasn’t sure what had triggered the thought. Maybe it had been some of the images on his hard drive, ones he’d taken back then. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was his internal clock. He couldn’t be sure. A shuddering sigh slipped between his lips.

A year since he’d been left alone. A year since the funeral, since the mass of people he’d barely known offered their hollow condolences. A year since he’d seen Cha really and truly cry…

He glanced over his shoulder at that thought, though he knew Cha was at one of the recording studios, working as a sound producer like he had before they’d met, before JOB had entered the picture. A year since he’d seen him…

But only a few months since he’d seen his psychologist.

You sighed again. Shaking his head, he went back to his beloved photos.

Some time later, he finally looked up from his work and stretched. Leaning his chin in his hand, he looked out the bay window. Rain fell in gray sheets on the city. The drops streaked across the window and glittered with the light of the apartments across the courtyard. Standing, he walked to the window, lifted with pane up to shield him as he leaned out to look down a story into the courtyard then let his gaze travel across the street to the bus stop that stood there.

Someone looked up at him. Someone in a dark coat. Someone with strong features and piercing dark eyes, accented by the harsh electric light.

You’s heart dropped and he gasped. He’d seen those eyes. He’d recognize them anywhere, even with the fading light of the evening.

He was out the door before he realized what he was doing, bolting down the short flight of stairs and through the doors and across the courtyard. The rain pounded his head and shoulders, quickly soaking his clothes and making him shiver. But by the time he’d reached the bus stop, whoever it had been, whatever it had been was gone.

He spun around himself in the rain, searching for someone who rationally he knew had never been there. He was alone now, but he’d been there, right there where You was now standing in the water-logged courtyard between the towers of the complex. He’d seen him. He had to have seen him. A year later, he’d been right there.

You shivered, but he now couldn’t be entirely certain that it was due to the rain.

*****

You sat alone in his studio, photos of various sizes scattered over his table. He fiddled with the zoom on his lens, his body curled on the swivel chair. Hana-kun* yawned from his place curled next to Eneru* in their fuzzy pet bed. Smiling softly, aimed the camera at the two sleeping dogs and snapped a photo.

Just as the shutter closed, Eneru sat up, his ears perked and twitching. “Sorry to wake you,” You muttered, amused, but the small dog didn’t acknowledge him. Instead, he yipped once and vaulted his small body over his brother’s, startling him from his own nap. He ran to the other side of the room and stopped mid-step, his front paw lifted off the floor. Confused by the sudden antics, You watched as the dog sat back on his haunches, his tail wagging side to side on the floor. He yipped again.

“What are you doing?” You asked him, setting his camera on the desk. He moved to stand but stopped mid-motion himself when the door to the studio unlatched and slid open. Eneru yipped again and ran a circle around himself before he stood up on his back legs, hopping to keep his balance.

The door now stood open, but no one was there.

And then that smell. That smell, that scent, one You hadn’t smelled in almost a year, struck him full force. You gasped as the world spun and went dark.

When he opened his eyes again, he found himself lying on the floor in the studio, both dogs yipping frantically and lapping his face with their rough tongues.

The Platinum Egoiste was gone from the air.

*****

From his place at the sink, Cha glanced briefly at the other man who poked at his food from his seat at the table. “You’re quiet.” Granted, quiet in and of itself wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, Cha reasoned, but over the years he’d known the younger man, he’d been able to pick up on the good and bad kinds of ‘quiet.’

Especially over the past year.

“I’m fine.”

“Do you want to talk about…?” Cha couldn’t finish, acknowledging that it was a stupid question, berating himself. You’d told him already about the fainting spell in the studio earlier that day and in doing so, had slipped and told him about the incident at the bus stop outside of the apartment complex as well. Something was up.

You hadn’t been this bad since…

“No,” came the curt response.

Cha didn’t expect much more than that. He dried his hands on a kitchen towel and wandered back into the dining room. Sliding easily into the chair next to You, he observed the younger man. He saw You’s eyes dart to him before returning to the bowl in front of him, but otherwise made no indication of acknowledgement.

“How long has it been since you talked to Dr. Takamura*?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It might.”

“It doesn’t,” You repeated, a bit more forcefully as he stood and walked into the kitchen.

Cha worried his lower lip between his teeth before saying softly, “You’re seeing things again. I know you are. Maybe if you just went in for a little bit—”

He was cut off as You all but threw the bowl into the sink and turned away from him and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t need a shrink,” he said, his harsh and unyielding.

The older man winced. He’s shutting down again. “I didn’t mean to imply that you ‘needed’ a shrink. It’s just that…” he murmured, choosing his words carefully, “sometimes, talking to a third party helps…”

You said nothing, but walked through the foyer and grabbed his jacket from the front hall closet while he slipped into his shoes. “I’m going for a walk,” he called behind him and shut the front door with force.

Cha closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, You-kun…” he whispered to no one. “I just don’t want you to hurt anymore…”

*****

You walked through the park, trying to burn off what emotions had risen up to the surface, instigated by the argument with Cha.

Frustration. Indignation. Disbelief.

Fear.

The tall man paused on the paved walkway and looked up at the sky, sighing deeply. Cha was right: he really should start up therapy again. It’d been a year…

So why had these…visions or hallucinations or whatever? Why had they started up again? Why all of a sudden?

Why now?

He jumped, pulled violently from his thoughts as two children raced passed him. A girl in a high school uniform followed closely behind the other two, apologizing quickly over her shoulder before they all disappeared from sight around a bend.

You shook his head and shoved his hands in his jacket’s pockets. He shouldn’t have snapped at Cha. He’d arrange to start seeing the good doctor again tomorrow morning. He was about to turn and walk back out of the park in the direction he’d come when something – or someone, rather – caught his eye and You nearly had a heart attack.

Sitting casually on one of the park benches. Was it? No, impossible.

But what if?

No ‘what ifs’, he thought angrily, pivoting on his heel. He’s gone, he’s dead.

But…

He chanced another look over his shoulder at the man sitting only a few meters away. He raised his hand in greeting and smiled.

That smile.

That man.

No… but You felt his body being propelled forward of its own accord, his feet stepping one in front of the other until he stood beside the bench. “I’m not…I’m not hallucinating,” he whispered, breathlessly. “I really am seeing you…aren’t I? You really are here.”

Gackt nodded. “Yes, I’m here.”

That voice. How many times had he heard it as it shouted from a stage speaker or whispered private endearments against his ear. How many times had he dreamed of it over the past year? You shivered and looked around them, suddenly frightened. Did they…?

“They see me, too,” Gackt reassured him, reading his reaction more so than his thoughts. “To them, I’m just another guy with good looks in a trench coat enjoying some down time in the park.” He gave You a sidelong look and smirked. “Though, if you don’t sit down and drop the bug-eyed look, they might catch on that I’m not entirely normal.”

You did as he was told, and sit down stiffly on the wrought iron bench next to…Gackt.

“So you were there…at the bus stop, in the house, here…” he whispered. “You’re here,” he said again, tapping the bench on which they both sat.

“Yes,” Gackt answered, giving a slight nod.

“How?” You demanded, his body shaking where he sat, barely a foot away from the other. “I…I saw your body. I was at your funeral. A year ago. We—You…we…how—?”

Hearing the rising panic in You’s voice, Gackt cut in, “It’s all a rather complicated issue, I know, and it has an even more complicated process, but it all boils down to a simple and straight-forward answer.”

You shook his head, his body apparently wracked by violent tremors. “What?” he whispered.

Turning to look into You’s eyes, Gackt answered, “I’m Death.”

*Hana-kun: You’s dog

*Eneru: Gackt’s dog, a white long-haired Chihuahua

*Guess the CLAMP character! Name courtesy gacktyougirl