“An End, A Beginning”

Author’s Notes: This chapter fic started out in one direction and, as you will see, ended in a completely different one. I wrote it for the New Years Countdown at the LiveJournal community, Gackt JOB Fics.

You leapt up off of the bench, with a strangled cry. “You’re what?”

Gackt remained unfazed. “You, sit down,” he said calmly. The taller man could do little but obey, stunned as he was. “I should rephrase,” Gackt continued, shifting to cross one leg over the other, “I’m not ‘Death’ per se, but a death. One of the thousands, maybe millions, working this little strip of islands called Japan.”

“A death,” You said, his voice still wavering somewhere in his chest. Hell, why not? “Like…of drowning or heart attacks or—?”

The other laughed at this, finally turning his dark eyes to the other man. “We’re not that specialized, You.” He pursed his lips and continued, “Though they won’t let me take on any assignment that’s not natural elderly death. They don’t like doing that with rookies: it’s a liability.”

They sat in silence then. Gackt watching the goings-on in the park with his legs crossed, his ankle resting on his knee, his hands clasped lightly in his lap. You stared at him. Fuck it all, I am crazy. “How come I can see you?” he asked suddenly, bringing Gackt’s eyes back to him. “How was I able to see you back then, after—” he lowered his eyes and bit his lip, unable to meet the calm gaze fixed on him. Recovering, he continued, gesturing to the other people in the park, “How come everyone else can see you when they couldn’t before?”

“Because at the moment, I want you to see me, and I want others to see me, too,” he said, gesturing with his hand to the park, “otherwise you’d look like you were talking to yourself…and I’d rather not relive that experience,” Gackt said, tossing You a knowing look. “There’s also the fact that I’m not your death,” he added, nodding across the park to a little girl with pigtails, “I’m hers.”

You paled at this, his eyes darting from Gackt to the little girl who played with a puppy, oblivious to their conversation. “You mean when you go back…on duty or whatever, you’re gonna—”

Gackt shook his head vehemently. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” He turned to the other man again, his eyes betraying the hurt the words unintentionally caused. “Don’t worry – she has many, many years left to go. Remember: I’ve been assigned to natural, elderly deaths. I’m just doing recon. I wanted to know more about her, watch her grow up…” He laughed at himself then, and lowered his eyes to the clasped hands in his lap. “That may sound rather disturbing, but a lot of the others do it too. These are people we’re taking; not just random things, but people. Besides,” he added, looking up again, “we don’t have that kind of power. We’re guides; that’s all. We can’t kill, You, even though some of us wouldn’t mind the opportunity. Especially that poor guy following around Kim Jung Il…” he chuckled, “he’s itching to set something up, but can’t. Rules and regulations prohibit any interference with this sphere.”

“Rules and reg.s?” You asked in disbelief before laughing and shaking his head. “Fuck, there’s bureaucracy in the afterlife, too?”

Gackt chuckled. “Remember, every death was once alive, alive and human. Of course there’s bureaucracy, or at least there is in my sphere. I can’t speak for the others – I haven’t been there…obviously.”

“Other spheres?” You asked, fidgeting. “Did you mean, like…Heaven and Hell?”

“They’re not that defined, You,” Gackt answered with a gentle smile. “No Heaven, no Hell.”

“Then…what? Life then death or nothing?”

“Well, there’s a number of options open to you – I can’t really go into it. My associates would likely tell me later that doing so was a willful break of confidence. Just talking to you for this long could get me in trouble…Just know that energy, natural energy, never dies, You. It just changes. And on that note,” he said, standing, “I have to leave.”

“Wait…wait…what?” You stiffened in his seat, looking up at Gackt. “Where…what?”

Gackt dusted off the front of his black trench and smiled down at him. “I’m not supposed to be meeting with you – it’s against protocol as it’s not healthy for the living to associate with death too much. But…” his voice faltered then and he blinked rapidly, “I had to…I had to see you…even if it was just this once.” He shook his head and blinked up into the sky – the way he had done in life, You noticed – before turning on his heel. “Maybe I’ll be able to get away for a bit again. Come tomorrow, You. Same place, same time.”

You blinked and knew before his eyes opened that he was once again alone in the park.

*****

Cha looked up when the apartment door opened. “You?” he asked, wincing at how hesitant he sounded. He huffed and stood, placing his acoustic gently in its case. He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled the dark strands up to a ponytail, securing them with an elastic band, as he walked through the apartment to the foyer. “You?” he asked again as he rounded the corner, only to stop dead in his tracks.

The younger man stood, shaking in the entry way. His shoes were off, placed neatly beside Cha’s own, but his jacket had slipped from one arm, leaving it dangling haphazardly from his shoulders. His free hand was clasped over his mouth and his eyes were clenched shut. “You…” Cha began again, but was cut off as You dropped his jacket to the floor and bolted past him into the bathroom. He tried to block out the sound of the dry retching that interlaced with gasping sobs as he rushed to follow the other man.

When he entered the bathroom, he found You curled on the floor, his back pressed against the wall opposite the toilet. His face buried in his hands, his body shook with tears. Cha knelt on the floor and wrapped his arms around the younger man. “It’s alright You, hush…” he whispered against You’s hair as he rocked him back and forth.

“You weren’t there,” he whispered.

“What happened, You? Where did you go? What’s wrong?” What did you see?

“I…I went to the park,” You began, uncurling his body enough to wrap himself around Cha. His breath hitched. “I…I wanted to be alone, but…” He groaned and pulled Cha tighter against him.

The older man winced and held You close to him there on the bathroom floor, murmuring words of comfort and endearment. He’d seen You’s anxiety attacks before. Hell, he’d dealt with them head-on for roughly the past year, but with the combination of therapy and medication, they’d gotten them under control. But as of late… “I think you should think about seeing Dr. Takamura again—”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want to force you into it—”

“I need to see him. Tomorrow.” You looked up at the older man and Cha could finally see just how pale and frightened he looked. “I need to see him tomorrow morning. Fuck Cha,” he shuddered, collapsing back against him, “I think there’s something really wrong with me…”

“What happened You? Tell me, please,” Cha whispered against the other’s temple.

Still clinging to the older man, You whispered, “I talked for an hour with Gackt.”