“An End, A Beginning”

Author’s Notes: This chapter fic started out in one direction and, as you will see, ended in a completely different one. I wrote it for the New Years Countdown at the LiveJournal community, Gackt JOB Fics.

For a moment, You had thought the other would simply pop out of existence and meet him at the apartment, but when Gackt followed him to where he’d parked the car, he was ecstatic. The familiarity of the action, of the company, made his heart soar. Hell, so be it if he was crazy – he wouldn’t give up this hallucination for any temporary high the good doctor’s pills would give him.

But that didn’t mean he missed the growing sense of pain on Gackt’s face. “What is it?” he finally asked once they were on the road. “Are you alright?”

Gackt chuckled bitterly. “You wouldn’t believe how very difficult it is to keep up some semblance of a physical manifestation. It’s so much easier to play yourself off as a shadow or a mist.” Looking at You, he smiled and added, “You wouldn’t believe how heavy you are until you’re rid of this place and everything you carry here.”

They passed the rest of the ride in silence. When You pulled into the parking garage, he realized he’d driven home – to the apartment he shared with Cha. Gackt said nothing until they reached the front door and stepped inside.

“You moved in,” Gackt noticed, glancing around before glancing over his shoulder at You, who nodded but said nothing.

Gackt continued to snoop around the main living area, opening books, running his hands along the furniture’s upholstery, cocking his head at the various art pieces on the walls. Just like old times, You thought, but then Gackt turned to catch him with concerned eyes. “Why is there such sadness in this place?” He took the room in again in his sweeping gaze. “It wasn’t always like this.”

“You weren’t always dead.”

Gackt turned his eyes back to You and offered up an apologetic smile. “You…” Closing the distance between them, he took You’s hands in his but gasped, startled. His eyes went wide and he looked up at the other man. “You—you tried to kill yourself. Why? Why would you do that?”

You turned his gaze down at the hands which held him fast, unable to meet the dark eyes of their owner. “You were gone,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I lost you, and with you, I lost my light, my reason…”

The other made some pained sound in his throat and closed the last bit of distance between them, wrapping his arms around the taller man and pulling his head down to rest against his shoulder. You wrapped his arms around Gackt’s waist up to cling to his shoulder blades. Fighting a losing battle against new tears, he said, “I was so lost. I’d found some of your prescriptions, your sleeping pills—”

“Oh, You—” Gackt gasped, his face hidden from the other man.

“I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to fall asleep and just make it all go away…” Tightening his arms around the other man, he cried. “Please…please don’t be angry with me…”

“I could never be angry with you, whether in life or death.”

“Cha…” You continued, trying to regain his self-control. “Cha found me. He’d called and when I didn’t answer he…he got worried and came over…”

“I’m glad he did.”

“Yeah,” You agreed, with a sad smile, “me, too.”

They held each other, then. Fingers and hands roaming, seeking solace in familiar touch after so long alone. Gackt felt the same, smelled the same…it was as if the entire past year had just been a dream. Some horrible, twisted dream…

The sound of the apartment’s front door opening caught them off-guard. “You,” Cha called from the foyer, “I’m home.”

“Welcome back,” You responded automatically. I rubbed at his eyes, wiping the traces of tears away, and pulled out of Gackt’s embrace.

“I should go,” Gackt murmured as he released You.

“No,” You said, shaking his head, “Stay just a bit longer, please.”

“You?” Cha asked, as he turned into the room, “Who are you talking—?” He froze in the entryway to the living room, his eyes wide and his body rigid, as his eyes met Gackt’s.

Gackt, fighting the coiling panic in his gut, offered another sad smile. “Hi, Cha.”

“Ga—”

As the two stared each other down, You reached out to hold Gackt’s wrist, just a simple caress…but the moment his fingers tightened around the warm skin, Gackt hissed through his teeth in pain. You gave a startled cry before he toppled to the floor and the world went black.

*****

“—You, God please…”

He groaned, his hands coming up to touch his face. He hurt so much.

“You?”

Cha? Blinking his eyes open, the younger man stared up into terrified brown eyes. He hadn’t seen those eyes on the other man since… “Wha—what happened?” You asked and tried to sit up. Why was he on the floor?

Tossing his cell phone to the coffee table, Cha gently tried to push him back to his earlier prone position. “Lie down. You…keeled over.”

Lying down sounded like a good idea, so You gave easily into Cha’s demands and closed his eyes. Then— “Gackt!”

“You, please—”

“You saw him,” he said, turning to the older man, “You saw him, too.” Cha didn’t answer, but covered his mouth with his hand. Clenching his eyes shut, he shuddered and nodded. “You saw him, too!” You cried. Smiling, he sat back up, looking around the room, which was empty save for the two of them. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. He’s gone. Please You, we need to get you to a doctor—”

“What happened? Where’d he go?”

“I don’t know. You…you touched him and he was gone and you were on the floor.”

“But I feel okay—”

“You, your heart stopped!” Cha cried finally, tears sliding down his cheeks, his body shaking violently. “Only a moment. You came back, but people’s hearts aren’t supposed to just do that. And where you touched him…”

The younger man, shifted his weight and lifted his hand, the one he’d brushed against Gackt and found the palm and several fingers burned and blistered, as if Gackt’s skin had been red hot. He took a shuddering breath and looked back up at Cha, who was wiping at tears. “Cha…” he began, “you okay to drive?”

“I think so.”

“If you can hold it together till we get to the hospital, I’ll go with you.”