Author’s Notes: This and the
former chapter were written as a joint thing, but seeing as this one starts on
a new year, I figured it was an appropriate beginning spot. That, and I didn’t want Chapter
7 to be too long. >>
shat·ter (shăt’Ər)
It was February. Snow was in the streets, frost on the
windows, and the apartment was fucking freezing.
Cha sat at the table sipping his tea and
rereading one of the books Naomi had given him before she and Yosh had
left. Gackt was in the bedroom, doing
God knew what. Maybe sleeping.
Maybe
composing,
Cha thought, and felt his heart give a little flutter. There were times when all he wanted was to
wrap his arms around a guitar, run his fingertips down the strings and hear
them sing to him.
But it had been years. He felt his heart sink back into his chest
and the words on the page solidified themselves once again.
A door shut someplace behind him and Cha
looked up. Gackt emerged from the
bedroom and walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of tea as well. He was all smiles.
“What’s up with you?”
“Nothing…”
“Uh huh,” Cha muttered, putting the book
down. “Liar.”
Still grinning, Gackt slid into a seat at
the table. “It’s a surprise. I couldn’t tell you anyway.”
“What are you up to?” he asked. The other’s smile was infectious.
“Not telling.”
“Fine, be that way.”
“Okay.”
Gackt grinned over the rim of his mug at the other. Cha shook his head and sighed.
There was a knock on the door. They both looked up, but seeing as Gackt had
just sat down, Cha stood with a quiet, “I’ll get it,” and strode to the door.
No sooner had he reached it than they were
upon them. Five? Six men – all of whom
only looked to be in their late twenties – threw open the door. One of them tackled Cha to the ground and
held a knife to his throat. There was
the sound of a chair toppling over and a gun clicking. Looking to the side and up, he found Gackt
standing motionless by the table, his eyes flashing, and a man who seemed to be
the one in charge of the group standing just past Cha, cane in one hand, gun in
the other, drawn and trained on the man across the room.
“We can do this the hard way, which
involves me having your friend here sliced and diced and maybe you shot a few
times. Or we can do this the easy way,
which only involves you two putting your hands on your head, kneeling by the
wall, and answering any questions I might have.
Your choice.”
There was silence for a moment. Gackt was weighing his options. He could disarm the man in front of him,
depending on how good a shot he was, but that still left Cha vulnerable. Glancing over at the man on the floor, he
decided he didn’t want to risk it.
Slowly, he put his hands on his head.
“Good.
Now,” he waved towards the wall with his gun. “Over there please. Ichijouji, let him up.” The youth with the knife withdrew. “Hands on your heads.”
They did as they were told, exchanging
worried glances. We played by their rules, didn’t we? Cha asked himself, trying to
think of one thing they had done wrong.
One thing.
“Why are you here?” Gackt asked softly.
“I’m
asking the questions, remember?”
Gackt gritted his teeth and fell silent.
“But I’ll humor you, nonetheless. We are here because we received an anonymous
tip that you two were handling money.”
“We don’t have any money,” Cha said,
positive that they had the wrong guys.
“Oh?”
He didn’t sound convinced.
“The Ordinance says we can’t have it, so
we don’t.”
“Shut up.”
The man with the baton waved over two of his lackeys. “Search the place. Tear it apart.”
“What?!”
“Shut up!”
the man ordered, striking Cha across the back with the stick. The man arched under it, hissing between
gritted teeth. Gackt winced at the sound
of the blow reverberating through his friend’s ribcage.
The minutes passed by, the only sound was
the talking of the men around them and the quite literal tearing apart of their
apartment. They could hear fabric
ribbing, furniture being overturned…Gackt kept sneaking glances at the man
beside him. He wanted to comfort him,
wanted to tell him everything would be alright, but he didn’t dare speak a
word.
“Sir!
Found it.”
The two of them whipped around as one of
the younger members of the group emerged from the bedroom holding a wad of cash
in the air. Presenting it to his
superior, he withdrew to stand at attention with the rest of them. The man with the cane turned around and
strode to them. Gackt felt Cha’s eyes
bore holes into his back and he looked down at the carpet.
“For your insolence--”
“He didn’t know I had it!” Gackt shot
back, his eyes wide, before the man could continue or raise a hand against the
smaller man again.
“Well then, for your insolence…Take their food.
Drown their stamps.”
“You can’t do that--!”
“I have special permission from the Diet
to do whatever I think is necessary for you and anybody else to learn a
lesson.” Turning he waved his men over.
As the younger men came forward, Cha moved
to stand. Gackt grabbed his arm. “Cha, don’t--”
“Let go of me!” he hissed and wrenched his
arm free. Standing, he moved to
intercept the men, but was cut short by their leader. Furious, he shouted at him as his underlings
destroyed everything edible in their kitchen.
Gackt watched as one of them tossed the stamps in the sink and ran the
water on full blast. He could picture
the ink turning the water red and green and blue. “You can’t do this! You have no right – I don’t care if the Diet
sent you! I don’t care if the Emperor
sent you! I don’t care if my grandfather sent you! You have no right to touch anything in here. Everything there was bought legally and by
your laws--”
“You know what?” the man with the cane
said, cutting the shorter man off. “You
talk too much.” Before the other could
react, his cane lashed out and caught Cha across the face. He toppled to the floor, hands clasped over
the lower half of his face. Drops of
blood peppered the carpet. Gackt took
him into his arms and was momentarily consoled when he didn’t resist.
In a matter of moments, the kitchen was at
the same level of destruction and disarray as the rest of the apartment, and
the men were gone. They sat there on the
floor for a time, fighting the shock and fear that pulled at the bottom of
their stomachs.
Setting his jaw, Gackt lifted them both to
their feet and crossed the hall to 106.
Pounding on the door, he hoped and prayed Ken was home.
The door opened a crack and the younger
man peaked through, obviously terrified.
Seeing who it was however, the door swung open the rest of the way. “What the hell happened? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, but he’s hurt. Please…can you take a look at him, see what
you can do?”
“Of course, of course. Come in, sit down.”
After he had cleaned Cha’s face and
conducted a brief examination, he stated, “Well, lucky for you, nothing’s
broken as far as I can tell. Fractured
perhaps, and you’re going to have some impressive bruising, but…it doesn’t look
like osteoporosis runs in the family.” Cha only offered a meek smile.
They exchanged thanks and declined the
offer for any more help from the younger man.
Once back in their own apartment, Gackt
strode into the living room and reset the table without a word, without a
sound. Walking to the couch, he flipped
the cushions over, but found them just as cut up as they were on the top side.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He lowered his eyes and said nothing.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“It was a surprise…”
“A surprise?! They could have killed us! They could have killed us over some stupid surprise!”
“It wasn’t stupid…” he whispered,
collapsing against the foot of the couch, eyes downcast.
“What?”
“It wasn’t stupid…it was going to be your
birthday present.” There was no reply,
so he continued. “You’re…You’re going to
be sixty…and I thought…I thought I should do something special. I was going to make you dinner. A steak dinner, because you like steak and we
haven’t had the money to get any.
And…dessert. But…” Gackt lowered his head and closed his
eyes. “But now we have no food…no
stamps…and it’s all my fault. God…I’m
sorry…so sorry, Cha…”
There was silence again. But then there was the padding of feet on the
carpet and warm arms around him and fingers laced through his hair. “Hush Gaku…it’s okay. It’ll be okay. You didn’t mean for this to happen, you
didn’t know this would happen – neither of us did. There’s only a week left in the month, so
we’ll be getting another batch of stamps soon.
We’ll salvage what we can of what food’s still left. We have friends in the building who I’m sure
will lend us bits and pieces of their rations.
It’ll be alright.”
*****
The first of the month came and went and
there was no sign of a new supply of stamps.
After three weeks, they were running low on what little food they still
had, and neither of them dared ask their neighbors for anything more than they
already had. The decision went
unmentioned, but it was clear in their eyes.
They’d starve if they had to.
It wasn’t as if they hadn’t starved
themselves before, but that was all unintentional, what with Gackt’s work ethic
and Cha’s short-term selective memory loss.
And it had never been to this point.
Zipping up his coat, Gackt watched Cha
slowly wake from his place in the corner.
The elder’s cheeks were starting to sink and there were dark circles
under his eyes. Gackt knew that he
himself had been taking a slice or two of a pear that was still in the
refrigerator before going to work, but whenever he went back to it, it never
seemed to shrink.
Clenching the muscles in his jaw, he bid
the other man goodbye and set out for work.
*****
“I don’t understand why we’re out here in
the middle of winter. We’re just going
to have to repair it all again once the snow melts.”
“It’s not the middle of winter.”
“There’s still snow the ground. I think that counts.”
“It’s work Ishida. Be happy about that.”
Another few weeks had gone by. The only thing that had kept Gackt here for
this long was the free soup they fed them all at lunch. But when he’d ordered Cha to eat the rest of
the pear in the fridge and whatever else he could get his hands on, just one
bowl of soup a day wasn’t cutting it anymore.
His hands were numb and his legs were quickly joining them. His shoulders burned with the stress he was
putting on them and his body wouldn’t stop shaking.
Frankly, it was pissing him off.
“Yeah, they raided the apartment next to
ours. Christ, my wife was terrified.”
“What did you say they called themselves?”
“Red Badges. They’re college kids.” The other man snorted derisively. “Oh yeah, you laugh, but you would’ve been
shaking in your boots too if you heard what they were doing to that apartment. My God, it sounded like they were tearing it
apart from the inside out.”
“How they hell did they get away with
that?”
“They said they had ‘expressed permission
from the Diet’ or some bullshit like that.”
“I heard they get to keep whatever they
take and divvy it up amongst themselves.
It’s part of their payment,” added the man next to Gackt, who must’ve
noticed his eavesdropping.
“I heard that someone in the government
puts them up to it.”
“Get out of here…”
“No, really. Sew fear and obedience throughout the lower
classes.”
“Makes sense,” Gackt whispered before the
world tilted and went black.
*****
He was awake. He was sure of that, but for whatever reason,
he didn’t have the strength or the desire to open his eyes.
“Are you sure it was a good idea to put
them in the same bed? I mean…I don’t think
they’re…you know.”
“Yeah, but this place is freezing. It’ll keep them warmer longer.”
The voices were coming from the other
room.
“He was as light as a feather. The other one looks even worse. When was the last time they ate actual food?”
“The guy across the hall said that they
were raided by those assholes over a month ago…”
“Damn…”
There was a knock at the door. Beside him, Cha whimpered and he felt him
shift closer to him. He wanted to wrap
an arm around him, but didn’t have the energy to.
“Can we help you?”
“I’m looking for Gakuto and
Ch—Yukihiro. Are they here?” A woman’s voice.
“They are but…they’re asleep.”
“I’m sure they are, after the time they’ve
had. I have some things for them and I’d
like to see them.”
“If you’re a friend, go right ahead.”
Naomi maybe? But it wasn’t Naomi’s voice…
The door to the bed room creaked open and
shut. Soft perfume fluttered about the
room on pink wings and Gackt sighed.
Something was familiar about the scent, but…it was an old memory. A soft hand touched his cheek, and his eyes
struggled open. “Ayumi?”
She smiled and continued to caress his
cheek. “They took everything didn’t
they? Bastards…” Gackt chuckled softly at the thought of Hamasaki
cursing. “Well I’ve brought it all back
– stamps, food…but no money. They
wouldn’t let me. I tried, but they
wouldn’t let me. I hope it’s enough…”
“Mmm…”
“I’ll leave it all on the counter, all but
the stuff that needs to be put in the refrigerator.”
“‘kay…”
“I can assume the men in the other room
are friends from work?”
“Mm-hmm…”
“I’ll have them stay until you wake up,
alright? That way I know you’ll get
something in you.”
And with that, she was gone in a wave of
satin clothes, soft skin, and the scent of pink.
*****
Over the following month, they
recovered. Their stamps began to come on
schedule…but the amount that was sent became unreliable. Sometimes it was fifty, sometimes it was
twenty, sometimes it was five.
But they were okay.
For the most part at least. Cha never really put back on the weight he’d
lost. But neither have I, Gackt reflected, hands resting on his hips
which were the boniest they’d been in years.
He sighed sadly and closed his eyes against the reflection in the
bathroom mirror.
He’d lost his job and was searching
again. But the likeliness that anyone
was going to hire a scrawny – but fit – man approaching fifty was
unlikely. They wanted younger men. Younger men who had families to support and
hadn’t had their apartment torn apart by a bunch of self-important University
students that were being paid under the table by corrupt government officials
just for wreaking havoc throughout the lower levels of the city. He gritted his teeth.
“Hey…”
The soft voice pierced through his dark
thoughts like a beam of light. Cha… “Hey,” he replied
softly.
The other man was leaning against the
doorframe. “Are you going? You’ve got another interview today, don’t
you?”
“Yeah…” he said, still feeling in a
daze. “Yeah, I do.”
“You’ll get it today.”
“You said that on Tuesday too.”
Cha shrugged. “You have to be optimistic. If you want it bad enough, they’ll see that.”
“I want it just as bad as the next
guy. But the next guy has two kids and a
pregnant wife,” Gackt replied, the bitterness seeping into his voice again.
“Not necessarily.” Cha walked into the bathroom and touched his
cheek, turning his face to look at him.
“You’re just as good a candidate as the next guy.” He smiled and the room
seemed to get brighter.
With a calming sigh, Gackt lowered his
head to rest it in the cradle created where the shorter man’s graceful neck met
his shoulder. His arms snaked around
Cha’s waist while the other’s own slid over his shoulders. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“Hey, we’ve made it this far,” Cha
replied, nuzzling the younger man’s head.
“If we can get here, we can go anywhere.”
*****
Gackt put the tea kettle down rather hard
on the stove and Cha jumped. “What is
it?”
“I just…I just realized.”
Cha waited for a moment, but when Gackt didn’t
continue, he prodded, “Realized what?”
“Twenty years.”
“Huh?”
“We’ve been together…for twenty years.”
Cha smiled softly and put down his bowl of
ramen to suck on the chopsticks. “A
little longer than twenty years.”
Gackt poured his tea and leaned back
against the counter. “That’s a long
time.”
“Yeah…Yeah it is.”
*****
Cha closed his eyes against the spray of
the shower as soap suds slid down his skin and into the drain. Even after a couple months of actually
eating, he was still rather shaky on his legs and he grasped the silver rod
where the cheap washcloth was starting to fray.
Wrapped in the comfortable darkness behind his eyes, he sighed and stood
there under the water for a moment. It
felt good, pounding against his shoulders and the streams of it running down
the sharp contours of his body. His free
hand came up to rub at the aching muscles in his shoulders and neck before
sliding around to caress his neck and collarbones almost absent-mindedly.
Shaking his head, he turned off the water
and ran his hands through his wet hair.
Pulling the shower curtain aside he almost jumped out of his skin and he
yanked the shower curtain shut again, his head peaking out from behind it. “Christ, Gaku, I think you almost scared me
to death,” he said, trying to get his heartbeat to drop back down to
normal. Sliding the curtain aside again,
he started twisting his hair, wringing it of any excess water. “Can you hand me the towel?”
Said towel was sitting on the counter next
to the sink where Gackt had been washing his face. Patting himself dry, he looked up and offered
the towel to Cha.
But when he pulled on the edge of the
towel, Gackt came with it.
Needless to say, face-to-face with those
dark eyes and very aware of his
current state of undress, Cha’s heartbeat was very against slowing down. His lips parted and trembled slightly as
shuddering breaths passed between them.
“…Gaku…?”
“Sh…” the other whispered, his hands
dropping his end of the towel and sliding up the column of the other’s neck to
interlace at the base of his skull, fingertips tangling in the strands of hair
there. He stepped over the lip of the
shower and backed Cha against the wet tiles.
Leaning forward, he pressed a soothing kiss to Cha’s forehead before his
lips started to wander. “How long has it
been, Cha?” he asked, his lips moving against the shorter man’s slick skin.
“Gaku--”
One of his hands slid from its spot at the
back of his head to travel down over his neck and chest, tracing over the
defined collarbones and passing over a pert nipple. “How long has it been?” His lips had returned to Cha’s ear, his warm
breath making the smaller man shiver.
Cha moaned in spite of himself, arching
his body up against those wonderful touches as his eyes slipped shut and his
head fell back against the hand that still supported it. His hands shook as they wrapped around the
back of Gackt’s shoulders.
“Six?
Seven years?” He took the lobe
into his mouth, worrying it gently between his teeth while his hand slid down
Cha’s side and thigh, lifting his leg up to rest against his hip. Trapped under the black pants, something hard
rubbed against Cha’s own growing need.
“Oh…God…”
Gackt pressed himself tighter against the
smaller man. Releasing the other’s ear,
he whispered against the flushed skin of his cheek, “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” he replied between gasps. His fingernails were scratching at Gackt’s
bare back of their own accord.
“Do you want me to touch you?”
“Yes.”
“Like this?” The hand supporting Cha’s leg
– which had secured itself over his hip – made another pass down his chest.
“Yes.”
“And this?” It wandered lower, caressing his hipbone and
what it could reach of the inside of Cha’s elevated thigh.
“Oh…yes…”
“…and this…?” Long fingers wrapped around
Cha’s swollen need, his thumb circling the head.
All the air rushed out of the other man’s
lungs in an explosive gasp. His head
jerked to the side, unintentionally giving Gackt’s mouth better access to his
neck. His hands moved from the other’s
shoulders to tangle long fingers in his hair.
“Take me Gaku.”
*****
After their session in the shower, they
moved on to the couch for a second and third – or fourth or fifth, if you
included blow jobs. Now, they lay
spooned in the middle of their two futons in the bedroom. Gackt’s lips moved over the slopes of Cha’s
neck and shoulder. The kisses were
soothing, despite the heat that smoldered behind them. Cha found himself fighting sleep while his
fingers toyed with the fabric of the sheet underneath him. Every now and then, Gackt’s right arm, which
rested against the flat of Cha’s stomach for the most part, would give a slight
squeeze, almost in reassurance.
“What are we?”
The lips stilled, but no reply was made.
“It’s not love…it can’t be…”
“No…no, it can’t.”
They were both silent a moment. Then, “Take me again Gaku.”
He seemed hesitant. “Are you sure?”
The muscles in his jaw clenched and a tear
rolled down his face, falling somewhere in his hair underneath him. “…Yeah, I’m sure.”
Gackt pressed another soothing kiss to his
throat before rolling him over onto his back to lie on top of him.