Author’s Notes: Lots of CxGxC but nothing really explicit and it ends kinda
abruptly, but it’s 6 pages, and I didn’t want to drag it out too far.
shat·ter (shăt’Ər)
“Stop.”
Barely a gasp, the word brought
him back from his near-ecstasy high. He
never knew such a simple command could hold so much weight. He paused in his thrust before the entire
word had left the other’s lips…it is only then that he realized that he was
already buried deep inside the younger man.
Looking down upon his shaking form from his vantage point above him, he
asked, “What is it? Does it hurt?” and
quickly shifted to withdraw.
The instant he did however, those
dark eyes snapped open and he grabbed the other’s arm. “No.
Don’t move.”
A little wary of what was going
on in that head of his, the elder man settled back into his original
position. His eyes fluttered for a bit as
his vision blurred. He was still
tight. My God…
“Cha…”
Once again, a mere whisper
from him and he was back to the present.
“What is it…?” He shifted his weight to his elbows and stroked his lover’s
face with his free hand. The dark eyes
closed, clenched tight as strained pants came from between his lips. His body glistened with sweat and, as cliché
as it was, glowed in the moonlight, making him appear delicate…corporeal…almost
fragile.
“I don’t want to lose this
feeling…not yet…not yet…” His voice trailed off as tears slid down his face, leaving
silvery paths through the sheen of sweat.
Digging his fingernails into his biceps, his neck strained back, arched
against the futon. Through his heavy
breathing, he could just barely hear him mutter, “One more…and I’m over…the
edge…I don’t want…I don’t want it to end…not yet…” He heard his breath hitch as the tears claimed
him. “…not yet…”
Wrapping his arms around the
younger man, he held him tight to his chest and pressed what he hoped were soothing
kisses to his face and neck. “I’m here,”
he whispered, stroking his shoulders.
“I’m here and I’m with you…”
They clung to each other like
that for some time, taking comfort in the other’s touch and warmth. He waited until his lover began to kiss him back
before withdrawing from his body. His
head fell against the pillows as his eyes rolled back in his skull, a hiss
passing between his clenched teeth.
He was beautiful.
And with one deft thrust, he
was buried inside him again. With a
scream, the man underneath him grasped at him harder, reaching the pinnacle and
toppling over the edge. True to his word,
he was with him. They collapsed on the futon,
spent, a tangle of limbs smelling of sweat and sex.
After a time, he groaned and
after withdrawing from him, rolled over onto his side. Barely conscious, the other followed, sliding
an arm around the smaller man’s waist.
“Cha…” he whispered against
his neck, “Cha…I --”
He knew what he wanted to
say. He wanted to say it too, but he didn’t
dare.
Apparently he didn’t either.
Saying it would confirm their
suspicions. Saying it would cast aside
everything before…they were left alone.
Saying it would destroy them, one way or another.
But…saying it could also be a great comfort…couldn’t it?
Shifting on the futon, he
looked into his eyes. They were sad.
They said nothing.
Eventually surrendering to
exhaustion – both physical and emotional – he rested his head on the smaller
man’s chest. Moments later, he could
hear the shallow breathing of sleep.
Then, and only then, did he weep
tears for them both.
*****
“I’m tired of waiting.”
“I know.”
“I’m tired of your people meddling with my
plans.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t enough. You know that.”
There was silence.
“Get him here. Get him here now. I don’t care how you do it.”
“I still don’t understand why you think
he’s so important.”
There was a pause with an air of surprise
at the direct question. Then, “He has
more power than you think.”
“I understand.”
He could tell he didn’t, but that didn’t
matter. “Get him.”
“Yes, sir.”
*****
They lay in the back of the
car, laughing like high schoolers, high off of the secrecy of it all: a stolen
car, a tangle of naked limbs in the back seat, their clothes strewn about the
interior.
The excitement gave way,
however, when they chanced to look into each other’s eyes. It began like that. And Cha found that, once again, he was snared
by a simple act.
Gackt shifted his weight
above him, moving to rest on his elbow while his free hand reached forward to
run calloused fingers through the graying hair below him. Caressing the chiseled cheekbones and jaw
line, he whispered, “So beautiful…”
Cha swallowed back the
whimper that rose in his throat at the confession and turned away from the
touch with a chastising, “Gaku…”
The other halted his administrations. “What’s wrong?”
“We shouldn’t…we don’t know…”
turning back to those dark eyes, Cha lost any ability to form coherent
thoughts.
Reaching down to his side,
Gackt took the other man’s hand in his, pressing it to his chest, clasping it
above his heart. They rested for some
time like that, lost in their own thoughts, their own fears, before Gackt
swallowed down his paralyzing apprehension and stated simply, “I want to say
it.”
“…why…?”
“Because…” his voice trailed
off as he closed his eyes, organizing his words before continuing, “Because I
need to say it. I’m tired of the
secrecy, Cha. I’m tired of denying
it. I’m tired of pretending it all means
nothing to me. That you mean nothing to me.”
Shifting all of his weight to his elbows, he took the other man’s face
in his hands, sweeping his thumbs over pursed lips and flushed cheeks. “I’ve thought it, I’ve felt it, for as long
as I’ve known you…but it’s different now.
It’s stronger. It’s deeper. Now…I can’t imagine my life without you. I have to say it.”
“But if we do, something bad
will happen.”
“We don’t know that.” Cha closed his eyes and looked away. Leaning forward, Gackt pressed chaste kisses
to the other’s cheek and temple. “We’re
alone here. No one’s watching. No one’s listening. Here…we’re safe.” He paused, waiting for a response.
After a time, Cha looked back
up at the younger man. “I want to say it
too, it’s just…I don’t…You’re all I have.
I don’t want to lose you…not like--”
Gackt hushed him, pressing a
finger over the other’s parted lips.
“You won’t. I won’t let it
happen. I’ll never leave you. I love you Yukihiro Fujimura. My Chachamaru, my Oniisan. I love you.
Always and forever.”
Cha wrapped his arms around
the other’s neck and crushed their lips together. They moved against each other, over each
other, tasting, devouring, until slowly, ever so slowly, the kisses
became…sweet, soft, chaste once again.
Pulling away, Gackt bent low,
nuzzling the crook of the other’s neck, whispering against smooth skin, “Let me
make love to you, Cha. The way it should
be done…the way it should feel…”
Cha sighed into the embrace,
letting his hands sliding down the other’s back, tracing the contours of his
spine and shoulder blades, feeling the younger man shudder at the touch. Closing his eyes, he arched into the others
lips. “Yes.”
*****
In that heartbeat, that
solitary moment, Gackt knew nothing and everything: the collision from behind, the
shattering of glass, the distressed cry of the man beside him, the squeal of
the breaks, the crunching and whining of metal as the car he was strapped into
rolled and skidded across the pavement of the four lane highway until it
slammed into a cement barrier on the passenger’s side.
Upside-down and crushed
between the ceiling and the dashboard, he blinked, trying to stop the blood
from rolling down his face and into his eyes.
He turned his head and every nerve in his body shrieked. The pain was blinding and he felt the siren
pull of sleep tug viciously at his consciousness. Gackt moaned and pulled himself back from the
brink. Glancing sidelong so as not to
infuriate his nervous system yet again, he gave the man next to him a
once-over.
Cha’s left arm was pinned
between the mutilated metal of the car frame and the cement blocks the car was
pressed against. Fortunately suspended
in unconsciousness, he couldn’t feel the agony that his body was inherently
in. It was a miracle the limb was even
still attached, if the majority of the door had been ripped apart and bent in
early in the tumult. “Cha…” he
whispered, barely a gasp between his lips.
God, his head hurt.
There were voices outside,
shouts, orders…and then hands. They came
in through the shattered windows, unbuckled him and began to pull him from the
car. Gackt cried out weakly as his legs were
still caught beneath the dashboard and pain seared through his body. Some of the hands moved to his leg and
jostled the limbs around. The pain made
his head reel and he collapsed back against the hands still around his torso. “Cha…”
From inside the car, the other man moaned in response.
They were moving him, moving
him away from the wreckage. Blinking his
eyes open, he looked around him.
“Cha?” The other man was still in
the car. And they were dragging him
away. The men in suits were dragging him
away.
And then he realized.
“Cha! No!
Cha! Let me go! Let me go!
Cha!”
“Shut him up and get him
inside!”
He struggled against the
hands as they lifted him into the van and slammed the doors on his screams.
*****
“Cha…”
The blood was rushing to his
head, making him dizzy. Blood trailed
down his face and he coughed. His body
shuddered and pain tore through him, starting somewhere in his all-but-numb
thighs and moving up his body, racing into his head and shoulder. Somewhere behind his eyes, red spots plumed
and he moaned.
“Cha?”
Gackt was calling for
him. He had to get to him. Cha shifted in his upside-down seat and
almost bit his tongue in half at the pain that raced up his shoulder and into
his skull. It was excruciating.
“Cha! No!
Cha! Let me go! Let me go!
Cha!”
“…it’s okay…” he heard
himself whisper to no one. He coughed as
blood slid down his face and into his eyes and nose. The world was spinning.
He could hear men outside,
talking. About what he wasn’t sure – his
mind was too foggy to piece the sounds together as words. They would come get him. They would come get him after Gaku was okay.
Wouldn’t they?
He could smell the oil and
gas leaking from the car and he moaned again.
Straining his ears to decipher the words outside, he thought maybe they
would explain what was happening to Gaku.
“Shouldn’t we…” That voice sounded familiar…but who…?
“No.”
“Why?”
“Burn it.”
“What?” Burn…what?
“But he’s--”
“I know. But he’s no use to us. Burn it.”
And his clouded mind finally
made the connection. Oh God…no, no please…
There was silence between the
two men and then there were the faint sounds of them walking away, car doors
closing and then an engine roared to life…and then nothing.
They had left him.
And he could smell oil and
gas and smoke.
He tried to call out, but his
voice was trapped in his lungs. He tried
to sob, but could only shudder, the mere attempt making his ribs hurt. He was trapped upside-down, in pain, and
alone.
Please…
The smell of smoke was
getting thicker.
“…Help…” he whispered, his
voice too weak to manage a stronger cry.
“Someone’s still
inside.” Cha would have blinked in
surprise if he could have mustered the strength to do so.
“He alive?”
“Naori, get water!”
“Cha? Good God…”
“Can you get to him from this
side?”
“Possibly…”
“Then get in there and try!”
He heard someone scramble
across the now-vacant driver’s side and unbuckle him. The sudden force of gravity made him scream
as his trapped arm refused to budge.
“Fuck – his arms stuck
between the car and the barrier!”
“Think we could move the
car?”
“No way in hell, not with
just us four.”
“We don’t have time to
anyway! Clean up crew is on the way!”
“We gotta get the fuck out of
here right now!”
He could feel the breath from
the man against his face as he sighed.
He tried to say something, and though he felt his lips move, nothing
came from between them. “Cha…?”
That voice… He blinked his eyes open and struggled to
focus. The exceedingly distorted and
upside-down face of Shusei appeared before him.
The other man must have seen the light dawn in his eyes because he
smiled apologetically.
“There’s only one way I can
get you out of here…and it’s going to hurt like a bitch.”
Even in his hazy world, Cha
could comprehend what that meant. He was
in so much pain…what was a little more.
With a shudder, he lay fully against the other man. There was a flick of a knife, and then he
felt the blade dive into the flesh of his shoulder. And he passed out.