Author’s Notes: Songfic! Whoo! It’s not a Japanese song (which would possibly be more appropriate), but rather “Joining You” by Alanis Morisette. R/R, onegaishimasu?
Side
Note: Blue Text = memory; Italics = song
lyrics
The
redhead sat on the floor, back to the wall, staring at the symbols in his
calculus book, which were, quite literally, Greek to him. He sighed, letting his head lull back against
the wall, wishing that he hadn’t waited till the night before the exam to actually
study. He was so toast.
The
phone on the desk rang. The youth glared
at the offender, it’s obnoxious clamor not aiding his growing headache. Standing with a groan, Ren plodded across the
room and picked up the receiver. “Moshi Moshi?”
“Ren?”
He
blinked. “Aa…?”
“This
is Okabe-san, Satoru’s mother. I need
you to come over right away.”
Dear
darling, your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine
She
was frantic, saying you were talking crazy
Ren
blinked, confused by the woman’s nervous tone.
“Nanda?
Is something wrong?”
“He’s
locked himself in his room. I can’t get
him to talk to me. I can hear him
crying. Something’s really gone wrong
this time…I think he needs someone to talk to…”
That
you wanted to do away with yourself
I
guess she thought that I’d be a perfect resort
Because
we’ve had this inexplicable connection since our youth
He
sprinted down the side walk, heedless of the bodies he shoved aside and the
rain that beat upon his face. Dammit,
Gaku…what are you up to now…? Before
him, the gate to his friend’s neighborhood reared into view. Stopping to catch his breath, he panted,
watching as his exhalations billowed before him in little clouds before
disappearing into the chill air.
Moments
later, he arrived, out of breath and soaked to the bone, on the Okabe family’s
doorstep.
Yes,
they’re in shock
They
are panicked
Stripping
off his drenched shoes and coat, he bolted for his friend’s bedroom door but
stopped short, surprised by the number of family members gathered outside of
it, some of them pleading, some demanding, some crying out to the silent
inhabitant. With a barely restrained cry
of frustration, Ren turned and ran into an adjacent room. Throwing open the window, he leaned out into
the rain.
You
and your chronic
Them
and their drama
You
this embarrassment
Us
in the middle of this delusion
There,
sitting on the balcony connected to his room, Gackt sat, cross-legged, staring
up into the sky. Rain pattered down
against his face, melting with the tears that already streaked it. Tears from Heaven…Ren mused, not at
all swayed by the dramatic scene. Stop
PMSing, dammit.
Taking
a deep breath, Ren squeezed out of the narrow window and onto the tiny ledge
that ran along the siding. With the
adrenaline racing through his body, he shuffled across the protrusion to where
his friend sat, oblivious. Once his feet
were safely on stable ground, the saturated redhead walked briskly up to his
friend and slapped him.
If
we were our bodies
If
we were our futures
If
we were our defenses I’d be joining you
The
other toppled backward, stunned, staring up at this intruder who infringed upon
his self-hatred. “What the hell --?”
If
we were our culture
If
we were our leaders
If
we were our denials I’d be joining you
“Don’t
start, Gaku. Don’t start.” Kneeling, Ren wrapped his short arms around
the other. “…and don’t stop …” As he pulled back, he looked into the youth’s
eyes. “Don’t be sad anymore, nya. Not when
there’s so much more to life…to everything…”
I
remember vividly a day years ago
We
were camping
You
knew more than you thought you should know
You
said, “I don’t want ever to be brainwashed”
A
few years later, Gackt lay on his back on his futon in his small apartment,
relishing in the afterglow. Curled up
beside him, Ren lay sleeping soundly.
Running his hands through the red strands, the elder man sighed.
Memories
of the previous few hours rolled upon his mind like distant waves. Running his tongue over dry lips, he could
still taste of the other’s heated skin upon them…
You
were intense
You
were uncomfortable in your own skin
Gackt felt the other shiver in anxiety, the chill wind caressing
burning flesh, as he pressed his lithe body against him…inside him…So tight…So
good…He moved as the smaller man panted, whimpered, writhed in ecstasy, his
blunt fingernails dragging red lines against the elder’s back.
You
were thirsty
The shorter man gasped his name.
The end was near…so close…so close…so--
But
mostly you were beautiful
In flash of light, they climaxed, collapsing against the floor,
entwined in one another.
If
we were our nametags
If
we were our rejections
If
we were our outcomes I’d be joining you
Shivering,
Gackt blinked rapidly, fighting back the urge to relive the events once
again. But sleep was near…
If
we were our indignities
If
we were our successes
If
we were our emotions I’d be joining you
Turning
to look upon his slight companion, he pressed a soothing kiss to the other’s
parted lips. Ren sighed and pressed
closer. Gackt smiled and yawned, his
eyes slipping shut as he surrendered to sleep, content for the first time in a
long time…
You and I
We’re like
four-year-olds
We want to know why
and how come about everything
We want to reveal
ourselves at will
And speak our minds
“So you’re leaving, nya?”
At the timid question, Gackt pivoted. The redhead looked dwarfed by his bass, which he had been plucking at for the last hour. “Yes, I am.” Ren didn’t answer, but continued to tune his guitar. “Are you…angry?”
And never talk small
and be intuitive
And question
mightily and find god
The plucking stopped and the other looked up. Their dark eyes locked. After a moment, Ren placed his bass in its case, stood, walked the few steps between them, and wrapped his arms around Gackt’s neck, burying his face in the other’s shoulder.
My tortured beacon
We need to find like-minded companions
“Not angry, nya – never angry. It’s just…” He pulled away and looked up. “When you get famous and make your millions and slip with thousands of women --” Gackt laughed a bit at the last, “—You…you won’t forget about me…will you?”
If we were their
condemnations
If we were their
projections
If we were our paranoias I’d be joining you
The fear in the shorter man’s eyes was unmistakable – tears welled in his dark eyes as his voice gave out on him. It pulled at Gackt’s heart. Taking the other in his arms again, he whispered, “I could never forget you Ren…never…”
If we were our
incomes
If we were our
obsessions
If we were our
afflictions I’d be joining you
He was leaving Malice Mizer. It was almost too hard to believe. Years before, he had abandoned Cains:feel in
“Why am I doing this…?” he asked the bland walls of the apartment. When no answer came, he sighed and collapsed boneless on the couch. “What now…?” May HE’D know… Gackt picked up the phone and began dialing.
We need reflection
We need a really
good memory
Feel free to call me a little more often
The phone rang twice before he picked it up. “Moshi moshi?”