JOKES ON ENGINEERS
.. you consider a databook "good reading" when you're on the toilet.
.. the first thing you do with anything new is take it apart to see how it works.
.. the last time you moved, you needed two dumpsters to haul off the scrap electrical parts from your work room.
.. you not only know what a left-handed constabulator is, but you designed one once, for fun.
.. you paid more for math and science books during college than most people pay for tuition.
They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says: "Hey, I see what your problem is."
SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON
Once upon a time there lived a young electron called MICRO FARAD. One night young MICRO FARAD was feeling pretty highly charged; so he decided to find a cute coil to help him discharge his potential. He went round to MILLIE AMP's flat, put her on his pick-up and took her for a ride on his MEGACYCLE. They rode across a WHEATSTONE BRIDGE and stopped at a magnetic field by a flowing current.
MICRO FARAD, attracted by MILLIE AMP's CHARACTERISTIC CURVES soon had her fully charged and excited, and her resistance dropped to its minimum value. He then took out his tension probe and inserted it into her socket, connecting them in parallel, and began short circuiting her shunt using MAXWELL's CORKSCREW rule. Fully excited MILLIE AMP began moaning, " MHO, MHO, give me MHO ". With MICRO's discharge tube operating at maximum current flow, MILLIE soon reached her peak level. The excessive current overheated her shunt and she lost all her electrons.
They fluxed all night, trying various connections until MICRO's magnet had a soft iron core and lost its field strength. At a square wave length from MICRO, MILLIE tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids. Meanwhile with the battery fully discharged, MICRO was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the night reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.
THINGS ENGINEERING SCHOOL DIDN'T TEACH YOU
There are at least ten types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex mathematics, which you will never use.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
Engineering is like having an eight am class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Forget an engineering career, just try to keep a job.
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is a documentary.
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer
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