| A mans point of view |
A Guy's Perspective John Men also suffer to a degree, not with Endo, but because of Endo. I know it is NOTHING compared to what women go through as we dont have the physical pain, but believe me that we do share the emotionial and physcological pain. My partner has had Endo for a while now, and since the treatments has become a different person.Mood swings, tears etc. Im sure you all know the territory. I try so so hard to comfort,reassure,love and support her, However depending on the mood i either love to much or dont love enough, reassure too much or not enough. It is getting harder and harder to please her. We have had some rows, but when she is like this is all i can do for the best is stay out of her way, as if I try to talk or reason with her it makes matters worse. I will normally just go out for a while then come back and not mention anything, just talk about something else....i am forever walking on eggshells. A bit of solitude helps i think, However sometimes her paranoid streak thinks i have had a secret meeting with a lover. I can understand her train of thought though...she finds sex painful and sometimes feels a failure, and after having a treatment the last thing she wants is someone else i.e. me going anywhere near her bits. I try my best to convince her that i have not,and have taken to going to her families house or with friends so i can vouch for my whereabouts. This would be unhealthy in a normal relationship,but i have come to accept it as normal now as that is what the treatment can do to you. I have to constantly think ahead to ensure that my actions or comments will not tip the balance. This has had an effect on me as a person. I am not so out-going or confident, and am always worried like a scared little doormouse. So please dont give all the guys hard times...alot of us always try to do the best...even if it is not "the right thing to do at the time". At times I have been so frustrated that nothing I do is right or good enough.......so if your fella does go out for and hour or two, and comes back skirting the issue.....then go a bit easy...its just our way of letting us both calm down..deal with the issue in our own way....and avoid an un-neccesary confrontation which is normally petty but fuelled by the hormone fairy. I have no intention of leaving my partner, and I love her to bits..i know that its not the "real her" at times..and I know that at times that i get very frustrated with her..but no-one asked for endo or wants it...it is not her fault.......but please remember that it is not ours either. Endo does not just affect women......... I hope my comment do not offend. Thank-you Thank you John |
| Bill First of all, well done John you sound like a very patient man. Personally I have never had a problem with the caring side of it all, but patience I have. I've found myself becoming short tempered and very angry, not with Mandy I hasten to add, I to have lost self confidence, and the feeling of being totally useless is one I struggle with. The ladies we live with are fantastic people, the way they still manage to carry on with day to day life is a lesson to us all, after all we're men and when we even get a cold its time to lay down on the sofa and complain to the world. but yes it does affect us too, I feel very selfish in saying that, cos hey we can escape, but while escaping its in our minds. I think that men in general suffer from endo inthe fact that the very special person we are lucky enough to be sharing our lifes with is in pain constantly. We like to think that we are protectors, lets face it if someONE was hurting our ladies what would we do. Male macho crap, but its fact. this is someTHING hurting them and I for one feel totally bloody useless that I cant do a thing about it. Then of course theres sex, we get knocked back, we sulk, we feel sorry for ourselves, male egotistic crap again. we wont have sex if match of the day is on, I wonder how that knock back feels the fact that our ladies have come second to a bag of wind, so the next time we feel neglected think of that. Our ladies must feel terrible about the sex problem as it is without us men adding to it. I would rather lay in bed having a nice cuddle with Mandy and not to much pain, than lay there after sex feeling a total tosser for causing even more pain. We must explain that we do find them sexually attractive but we dont want to make the pain worse. I dont know about any more of you but i try to make my partner smile, she doesn't always appreciate this but that one smile, in a day full of pain makes her feel better yes it makes me feel good to. come on lads lets get with the problem. Endo is a battle not our partners against it, not us against it, and certainly not us against them, but its us and them together, against it. Bill. p.s John your a star Thank you Bill If you would like to chat to Bill. Please feel free to email him... email bill |