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|Naughty Fairy Tale 7: Rapunzel, Let Down Your Long Armpit Hair!|
| Once upon a time, there were a group of cities that were ruled by a king. In one of these cities, there were many apartments where people lived near each other in one big building. In one of these apartments, there were many people who smoked a whole lot of "funny grass". This wasn't totally legal at the beginning of this story, but since many of the tenants made good cash dealing it in, they were always able to pay their rent, so the landlord was more than happy to keep his mouth shut.
One day, a couple with a weak but ample supply of funny grass were relaxing. The husband didn't really feel the need for the strong stuff, but the wife was quite jealous of the next door neighbors. Through the walls, she could always hear them shouting about the awesome hallucinations they were having under the influence of their high-quality stash. She often thought about getting her hands on some of it, either by asking for some or offering them money for a bit. However, her neighbors were very strange, mostly because it was their nature, but the funny grass amplified it. This scared her into not associating with them, and so she remained with a low-grade stash.
A few weeks later, she had a good idea: She could make her husband go over and get some for her! He was also intimidated by the neighbors, so he refused. She begged and begged, but he wouldn't budge. Finally, she put her foot down and told him she wasn't going to put out until he got her some! He didn't care, since he figured she'd want her loving back soon enough and would forget the whole thing.
The first sexless day, he didn't really think anything of it. The second day, he started to miss it. The third day, his unsatisfaction caused him to leer at his prettier female co-workers. The fourth day, he did the same with his uglier female co-workers. The fifth day, he got curious about what it would be like with his (male) boss. The sixth day, he was drooling over his boss and was ready to sleep himself up to a promotion! His wife was still not giving in over the neighbors' strong funny grass, but as long as he could keep his hands to himself, he wasn't going over there. However, on the seventh day, as he was coming home from work, he saw an old lady and her poodle dressed in the same oufit. The lusty gleam he got in his eye convinced him that he had to get it over with!
He ran up to the apartment door next to his own, and bravely knocked on the door. The couple answered - the man was wearing pants on his upper body, and a shirt on the lower part of his body. The woman had a tampon over her ear. The deeply undersexed man pressed on, and asked if he could have a small amount of their powerful funny grass. They both nodded yes, but had this favor to be granted: "This stuff is not only a great trip, it is also an aphrodisiac and fertility herb. If you and your wife smoke it tonight, as we will, we will both conceive a child. To let you have some of it, you must promise that when we are in the hospital, you will switch the babies at birth so we have your child and you have ours."
The man was desperate to return to his regular fun in bed (and bathtub, couch, kitchen sink, and stationary bicycle), so he agreed. They smiled, and gave him a small amount. As he was leaving, he thanked them, and asked the woman, "By the way, why do you have a tampon over you ear?" She gasped, "I have a tampon over my ear?! Where's my PENCIL?!!"
He left and went back to his apartment, and gladly showed his wife that he had obtained what she had been wanting. She grinned ear-to-ear, and they got into comfortable positions and started smoking away. The patterns the saw before them were beautiful - first, little swirling dots turned into floating fairies on a misty mountain. Colorful geometric shapes came from stars in the night sky. They traveled at the speed of light through a tunnel that went on through space for infinity. Then, they saw an unearthly situation that would shock the unshockable. It appeared to look like a government meeting was taking place. The leader was saying that they should no longer give money to research painfully obvious facts so they could save the people tax money! The other members all gave a vote of yes!
They came down from the trip, and agreed it was fantastic and worth the trouble. As the weird couple had promised, the aphrodisiac started to take effect. To suffice, we'll say both the couples had a night of raw passion that did indeed result in pregnancies. Their nine months went smoothly, and they also did go to the hospital on the same day. The husband was not happy about it, but he stayed true to his promise - he switched the babies while no one was looking. The baby from the weird couple grew up to be odd-thinking, but very smart and creative in its family. The daughter of the more normal people that went to the oddballs had a few twists and turns.
The girl was named Rapunzel, which, in fact, is a type of plant. The beginning of her child was quite happy. She was very sociable, and went on walks down the sidewalk, talking to the people she met. Her parents, who grew a bit paranoid from all the smoking of the funny grass, decided to keep her inside so she wouldn't let out the secrets of their habits. Their apartment had a room which faced the window, and they kept her locked in there, not letting her out much.
They gave her food and homeschooled her, but had an odd way of doing it, which was witnessed by the king's son one day. He was walking down the sidewalk, when he saw the woman outside. See, when this family made the meals for their daughter, they sprinkled a little of the funny grass onto it. Funny grass has a reputation for making hair grow faster, but when combined with whatever genetics this girl had, it, well, made her armpit hair grow extremely long. (If you're thinking that's too tasteless of a joke, just remember, I could have easily written this long body hair onto ANOTHER spot!) Anyway, instead of going through the door to get into Rapunzel's room, they went outside of the whole darn building and had Rapunzel let her long armpit hair down so they could climb up the wall and through the window to see her. (These people were a few beers short of a six-pack, I tell ya.)
As I said, the king's son was out there witnessing this one day. Now, this guy had an odd turn-on: he LOVED armpit hair, absolutely loved it. He'd be driven wild by just seeing the pits of a chick whose stubble was a sign of a few days of missed shaving sessions; this girl was a dream come true for him! He was weak in the knees seeing this, and he knew he had to try to talk to her! When her mother left, he took his chance. He shouted that she should let her long hair hang down again, which she did, and he bolted up the wall. She was surprised to see a guy in her room, but when she saw the gleam in his eye and the stare and smile on his face, she was more than happy to get to know him. From her window, she had always seen people walking together that were extremely attracted to each other, and she had wished that someday a handsome gent like this one would let his drooling jaw drop open over her.
They talked this first night, getting to know each other (she had to roll up her armpit hair and put a shirt with sleeves on before he could stop being speechless). Their personalities were a great match, and they were not only in lust, but grew into deep love with each other as these dates happened over a period of weeks. She would wait anxiously for him to get there, and it was the highlight of his day to see her. They came to the decision that when she would get out of this room and move away from her parents, they would get married and she would become his queen.
One day, Rapunzel's mother did her thing and climbed into her room. Rapunzel was a little PMS-ish, and she commented, "Ma, you must be gaining weight; you're so much harder to pull up here than my man". Her mother went into a fury and kicked Rapunzel out of the house, demanding that she never come back again. The king's son came around and called for Rapunzel, but her Ma glared out the window and screeched, "Your girlfriend's gone, Cuddlekins, and you ain't havin' your fun with her no more!" Her face twisted into an evil expression sent him running back where he came from. He shed a few tears, thinking he'd never see his beloved again.
About ten years down the road, the king unfortunately died, and the king's son was now put in place to rule over the cities. One of the first things he did was legalize the funny grass. Those who had stock in doughnut companies grew rich, because instead of chasing the funny grass smokers, the cops had even more time to sit around and eat doughnuts than before! People got along better, since they were so loose and relaxed. People got along pretty well under the new king's rule, but, as you may have guessed, the king was unhappy.
He still had no love in his life, none since the day Rapunzel was gone. He tried to ignore his misery and focus on ruling his kingdom. However, since more people were smoking the funny grass than ever before, the hair growing effect was taking place on more girls. They had lush, long hair on their heads, but they also couldn't keep up with constantly shaving their armpits! The king, seeing this often, got a little tingly. One day, he just couldn't help himself, and had his royal coach sneak him off to an adult bookstore in a back alley where he could find an "alternative erotica publication".
In there, he found a mag with loads of pics of girls who never shaved! His eyes grew wide as he flipped through the pages, feasting himself on mental fantasies. He then came across the special feature of this month's issue: pictorials and an interview of a girl who had armpit hair so long, it reached down to the floor! The king couldn't believe it! Rapunzel may have been kicked out of her house, but she had built up a successful modeling career during the years afterward!
The king bought the mag and wrote to them, asking to get in touch with the beautiful Rapunzel. When rapunzel his received his mail, she was overjoyed! She had remembered the king all through the years and had dreamed of meeting him again someday! They quickly got each other's phone numbers and e-mail addresses, and restarted their glorious relationship. They met in person, and went on real dates this time, to movies and candlelit dinners. They eventually married and had a wonderful life together. As a royal queen, she had hairstylists that did fashionable gorgeous styles - under her arms, of course!
P.S. - I actually researched the original story at this link!