Drunken Dwarf's Venture into Haikus!


Well guess what! I wasn't lying when I said I was thinking about doing poetry. And to think that it was all inspired by a certain chat room. If you don't know what I am talking about you, should have read my first ever chat room exploit. It was edge of your seat action. And I had a trusty sidekick in Vocephus! So read up! Now...back to the matter at hand, POETRY! Now I am sure you all loved my little Dr. Suess number in the chat, but I felt I should go where few have gone in poetry. It was at that moment that I discovered why few people went there and decided to do haikus instead. So sit back, relax, and let my creative juices overwhelm your mind. Oh and try to ignore the alcohol smell....I did say it was from my mind.


Let us start...with some randomness!

The golfing gopher
He won't get out of my head
What is wrong with me?

Incredible strength
Only to die by the foot
The life of an ant

Spray Mace in their face
Their eyes will burn for long time
Then all are happy

Money doesn't grow
Especially not on trees
Believe me I know

Barrel of monkeys
How did they get them in there?
Monkeys are vicious

Curly strands of hair
Flow from majestic beauty
That would be my crotch

Now on to some Haiku series....that means there is more then one and they have titles...that is about as special as these get.

The Holidays

Christmas time is here
Santa will give gifts to me
Too bad he's not real

Easter time is here
With lots of eggs and candy
No Easter Bunny

As you can all see
My childhood images shattered
By my big sister


Raindrops keep falling
Boys and girls keep having sex
Where is the problem?

Oh yeah I know now
Problem lies in STDs
Fuck Gonorrhea

Guess what these next ones are about...my frustration with media and entertainment!

He was Forrest Gump
Stupid is as stupid does
Where did they go wrong?

The Book of Shadows
Should have known after first one
That it would suck dick

sucks now
Lars Ulrich screwed them over
in our hearts

Windows 98
You were supposed to be fast
I will kill Bill Gates

Now onto another subject...food. Glorious food...but not really.

Taco, Burrito
What the hell is that rank smell?
Damn those refried beans

Beware the airplane
Less then desirable food
But peanuts are good

Do not try dorm food
Usually it tastes like crap
trust me on that one

Next, on to a matter that truly touches me...usually on my mouth. Not that! Alcohol!

Vodka and OJ
But not after lots of beer
Goddam I was sick

I know of a drink
It fucks you over...Everclear
Don't mess with that shit

I drink therefore I...
What comes next? How does it end?
Not am....but am drunk

The last few haikus have to do with a favorite subject of mine...my chat room exploits!

I met a gypsy
Her name was Madame Tada
Her readings were crap

Nice girls are gonna
break every rule in the book
Where have I heard that?

Exploring Chat rooms
And all kinds of crazy shit
Drunken Dwarf kicks ass

Thanks for reading my haikus. I will be back with more chat exploits soon. I also have a couple of haikus left...

My bud Vocephus
He has a kick ass web-site
Now that I have joined

To all of my fans
Who the hell are you people?
Support me on the board!