|The Way Things Should Be
|Romeo and Juliet
[Open scene with Romeo standing underneath Juliet's balcony]
Romeo: Oh fairest Juliet, may thou exit thine abode and come to me for some fast action and copious sweating.
Juliet: Why sure dear, I got 20 minutes before my pa gets back from the market.
Romeo [whispering]: Jane did you even read nthe script up there, much less practice, this is a friggin Broadway play ya know!
Romeo: Fine Juliet I would entreat thee to a fine meal of venison and quale at yonder glade, if such would be gay and cheery!
Juliet: Yeah whatever ... Hey!! What the fuc...
[Enter two obvious Nazi's, one is 12 feet tall with a large club, the other is normal size and the only evidence that says he is a Nazi is his helmet nad jump suit]
Romeo: I say Gentlemen, mayhap you mean to be in a different production this here is our opening night of Romeo and Jul...
[Romeo is promptly bashed in by the tall Nazi]
Average Nazi: Ya, git zem Jack!
Jack: Ya, come to me Juliet, and I shall have quick, conservative sex with you.
Juliet: Now wait a second, you're a bit tall, mayhap too big.
[Just then the average Nazi jumps her and begins to droll on her as his 4 seconds of joy are soon over]
Average Nazi: YAAAAAAA
Juliet: Good job minuteman!
Jack: Hahahahaha ... good one Panzer!
Panzer: Shut up you idiot, now let us kill the audience!
[Unknown to our Nazi duo a lone figure had already slaughtered the entire audience and is standing currently in the middle isle wielding a large Communist flag that emmits a reddish glow. They cannot see it, but there is a severed snake head attached to the end of the pole.]
Mysterious Figure [in a thick Russian accent]: Comrades! The time has come to unite, I would claim the woman but she has been tainted by facism!
[The lone figure hurls the flag at Panzer, where the snake head implants itself in his neck]
Panzer [shaking off the pole]: Ahhh, Juliet, suck out the posion!
[Juliet pulls out a revolver and shoots a stunned Panzer in the head, her cheesy follow up line is quickly masked by Jack charging the Mysterious figure]
Jack: Hile Hitler, you shall die zis day scum!
[Without a doubt the Mysterious figure moved faster than either Juliet or Jack could see as Jack suddenly explodes]
Mysterious Figure: Yet another victory for the Motherland!
Juliet: What the fuck just happened here!?!?
[The Mysterious Figure makes a motion with his hands and begins to fly upward, crashing through the roof and into the red sunset, claiming all lands before he circumnavigates the globe and reaches Mother Russia!]