The Way Things Should Be

by:
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

[Everything in the movie is the same till Dr. Jones is in the castle with his father, and they see the Nazi's at play]

Dr. Jones: Nazi's, why does it always have to be Nazi's.

[Else fakes distress at seeing the facist pigs, and they progress as normal until him and his father are int eh room with the German Commander and Else, tricking Jones as usual.]

German Commander: Give me Journal Dr. Jones, or this one dies!
[Digs gun into Else's face]

Else: Please Dr. Jones, give him the diary...

Daddy Jones: Do you think my son would be so stupid as to have the diary on him!

Dr. Jones: Yeah, that'd be pretty dumb, and after all, I'm Harrison Ford
[turns to look at the camera, smiles just as light reflects jsut do off his shiny teeth]

German Commander:
[Quickly shoots Else in the head, then grabs Daddy Jones and puts gun to his head] This one is next, where is the Diary Dr. Jones!!!

Dr. Jones: In the hands of the one man who can recover the grail.. and I think you know who.

German Commander: NOOOOO, not him, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!

[Just then the screaming of NOOOOOOOOoooooo triggers a re-lapse in Shaun Connery and he does an action flip kicking the German Commander in the head]

James Bond: Thought to hide behind the guise of a Nazi did you Goldfinger, you'll not fool me!

German Commander: My Hitler's tooth, Nazi Transform!!
[He begins to morph into his super-Nazi form Jack, patron saint of Nazis]

James Bond and Dr. Jones in unison: Nazi Jack!!!

James Bond: We're good, but hes more than we can take, we are doomed!

[Nazi Jack promplty smashes Dr. Jone's skull with his club, but James Bond seizes the opportunity and jumps out the window, and with the aid of his handy Jet Pack, flys away]


Nazi Jack: Tis a pity that I could only kill one dis day for Hitler, maybe I go to wage war in Russia!

[Grinning Nazi Jack lumbers off toward the door, just as he opens it he is bathed in a red mist, and the site below blows his crude Nazi mind]


Nazi Jack: My crude Nazi mind ahs been blown ... yae YA !!!!!

[Where there used to be nazis hard at work gathering intelligence there is now a neat pile of bodies, and in the center of the room lies the sourse of all the fog, a giant Russian Communist flag]

Nazi Jack: Who could ave done zis?!?
[Hearing a sound behind him Nazi Jack tries to whirl around in the doorway, but is too big and ends up hitting his head on the door frame and falling to the ground]

Stalin: I can answer that question silly Nazi
[Just as Nazi Jack looks up to see Else alive and well he meets the gaze of benevolent Stalin and bursts into red flames]

Else: I live, how can this be?

Stalin: Dr. Jones was kind enough to give his book, so on my way here I stopped off and grabbed the Holy Grail.

Else: Stalin, how great you are indeed!

Stalin: Yes, of course!
[Grabs Else's waist with his right arm, in his left has appeared a giant Communist flag with the Holy Grail mounted on top of it, Else and Stalin promplty fly into the red sunset, in the distance, just before fading out, James Bond flies up to the pair asking for directions, which were heartily given]


  -Kaiser
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