The story needs to begin with (what is this, fucking English class?) a strong opening which grabs the audience. (not a picture of a guy smacking his ass) After you have caught them in your masterful web of literature (huh?) you can then enter into plot and character development. (now you can show a guy smacking his ass) In a short story, however (domain of the lazy writer that finishes little) you only have time to touch base on your characters, you will then need to focus on your plot. (just say what the fuck you are writing about) Now in most stories you will want to (kill zombies with Jesus and his Apostles of Doom) find a topic that you audience will understand and relate to.
At this point you may be (sobering up) wondering how to end the story. Well, the answer is to (call Drunken Dwarf) find a conclusion that you think will satisfy the readers expectations and your ambitions. (have a zombie eat Jesus) Now the ending has to co-operate with the rest of the story, so don't end with (Attila the Hun slaughtering all zombies and apostles) something you haven't introduced. Now you will probably want to read it through the next day and make sure that the story is explained properly. (where the fuck did this story come from?) Then you will need to edit all the imperfections using a dictionary (spell check) to make sure that wrong words do not effect the story. (Jesus was the son of Rod) You may also want to beware of certain double meanings in words that can land the author in hot water. These pitfalls can hurt the respectability of a piece. (Jesus as a zombie ate Richard's head) Now that I have gone over the creative process with you, (bored you into throwing things at me) I will go into how I get them onto the World Of Vocephus.
As any staffer here at WOV will tell you, Vox Vocephus is a fun loving, heart warming (slave driver, HELP!) guy that gives you appropriate time to write a good piece. (or he breaks your legs with rubber dildos) After you have gone over the editing process you will want to e-mail it to him and see what he thinks. (hope he doesn't send his goons) After he has given it his sanction you will be (locked in his basement again) showered with praise before it is posted. After that you can sit back and enjoy all the e-mails you get from your adoring fans (yeah right, you people never send me any e-mail. I never even get any hate mail, am I not good enough to hate, HATE ME, selfish bastards! theqonn@yahoo.com) Now you have been successfully taught how to (be my brainwashed lackies) write here at the WOV. Of course you could write other stuff like those other guys but who really likes them? (shut up I know they're funny) Well, that is just about all the advice I can impart upon you with such a short forum, seeing how there is no way my massive knowledge of writing could be explained in this constrictive manner. (there is nothing left, my secrets gone! Oh, cruel fate!)
I will now say goodbye and I hope that you will all be moving closer to having a hobby in terrorism---did
I say terrorism I meant writing. (Blow up the court house at 2:00) Thanks for reading and remember, writing is only as good as I say it is.
