Reverend John McCullough is the leading zombie expert in the world. He always stays cool and keeps a tight line even in the face of the heaviest zombie infiltration. The last report that The Council On Satanic Affairs received from our intelligence in Haiti stated that McCullough was fighting the brain-eaters outside of Port au Prince. His contact, Father Paul Martinez, has yet to report to the Council. Locals say that Martinez has been missing for a week but  the Haitian government is neither denying or confirming this report. Satellite imaging confirms the Council's suspicion of a major zombie infestation in Haiti. Intelligence in Pennsylvania confirms the existence of several voodoo sects practicing the black arts in York county.Detailed Map The Council's biggest fear is the spread of zombies throughout North America.
Zombie burial grounds outside Port au Prince
The Papal Council on Satanic Affairs is a highly trained  organization  comprised of eight priests and sisters commissioned by Pope John Paul II to eliminate all sects, coven, cults and dark societies in league with the forces of evil. The sole purpose of the Zombie Project is to stop the infiltration of zombies in all parts of the world.
The following is an eye-witness account of zombie activity   outside of York Pennsylvania written by Fr.John McCullough in 1999.
One expects the zombies to be spotted in Haiti, for this is their homeland. The level of evil sorcery that exists in this poor land is a very common thing and during my anthropological studies there in 1992, I fought the zombies on a daily basis . But to find it here, in this wonderful state, framed by farmland, streams and mountains, was an abomination.  It caught me off guard because Pennsylvania is where I go to relax and vacation and get away from the horrific task of zombie research.
On a recent evening hike near Spring Valley Park, I witnessed two  human forms huddled over the carcass of a whitetailed deer. Being the deer season, I assumed that they were field dressing their kill. On closer inspection, I noticed two peculiarities that didn't fit the scene. One of the "hunters" was missing his right arm and a large gaping wound was clearly visible on the back of his skull. As I approached, I asked the man if he was alright but he failed to answer. The other man looked up and I could clearly see that his face was rotting away. The bones in his jaw were exposed and I coulld smell the distict odor of rotting human flesh. In his mouth was the cerebral cortex of the deer. That was all the information I needed to realize that they were zombies.(If a Zombie has the choice between animal and human brains, he'll pick the human every time.) Knowing that I didn't have much daylight left, I ran to the Jeep, notified the authorities ( who thought I had been drinking) and drove to the nearest , well lit, public place. Some locals told me earlier that afternoon that they saw some strange things out in the woods, Dark figures, animal sacrafice, corpses and candles but
they had been drinking so I didn't think much of it. With all my years of voodoo expertise, I would have never hypothesised that a Zombie Cult would set up shop here.
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