Oh, that Matt, he sucks.

The
"I Hate Matt"
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    • Ask Us Volume XV, July 2002

    DR DEMENTO asks:
    How big are whales penises?
    Volcom says:
    I was unsure of the answer to this very fascinating question, so I dropped a line to the Sunshine Coast's resident Whale Penis Expert and Carolla Enthusiast, Daniel Warner. He says that the blue whale, the largest living animal, has a cock that clocks in at about 10 feet long, with an impressive 1 foot long diameter. It's little brother the Sperm Whale has an impressive mouthful at 9 foot. Incidently, olden day sailors thought that the white, gooey oil found in its head was indeed sperm; hence its name.
    chick x asks:
    Hi Matt how was you holidays?
    Matt says:
    Well yeah, they were ok I guess. I didn't do much.
    Do de doo...
    Dumbe Harse asks:
    My name is Dumbe Harse. Why does everyone call me a dumb arse?
    Volcom says:
    Cause no one likes foreigners. Get back to Africa you arsehole Nazi.
    Marty McFly asks:
    To Matt and Volcom: Will there ever be a movie that will compete with Back to the Future? Will there be a movie with such an awesome theme song?
    Volcom says:
    Before I answer this, I would just like to say what an honour and a sexual stimulant it is to know that you, Marty McFly, one of movie history's most endearing and enjoyable characters, frequents my crummy website.
    And to answer your question, I think Matt agrees with me when I say: no, probably not.
    Mitchell Beaner asks:
    Why did God kill my puppy?
    Volcom says:
    It's a little known fact that god actually hates puppies. He doesn't mind dogs so much, except for small dogs, but yeah, he really hates puppies. As it says in Leveticus, ch16: 7-9
      Low, God parted the Heavens unto His Earth, and saw that it was good. Mostly. For you see, a dog younger in years than thou father and thou mother hath laid its dung whereupon God stood. And thus it was proclaimed: Jesus Christ, I hate puppies.
    I, on the other hand, think puppies are really cute and I feel really bad for throwing yours in the river.
     
    Please Note:
    I don't decide the subject matter for these questions dear, you do. I only give smart arse responses, so if you send in, or read a question and are offended by my response in some way, please send your complaints to gitfucked@whocares.i7.com.au.
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