No Gnome Suspect
Written by Barry
George awoke and put his steel framed glasses upon his freckled nose. He carefully positioned his nose plugs before he chose his toupee. He sat and contemplated as to which colour he felt like today. He glanced out the window hoping the new day would have the answer.
"Definitely not a magenta day! There’s way too much sun which will emphasise my blemishes and that’ll clash with my hair colour." He winked at himself in the mirror as if complimenting himself a job well done.
He was just about to retrieve his ‘sunny day’ strawberry blonde wig when he quickly glanced back out of the window. "Holy goat’s tail!!! Where is my dear gnome?"
He raced down his spiralled stairs, squeezing past his porcelain cats, his ox ears, a strange man holding his gnome and his indoor birdbath, to finally reach the front door only to realise that he’d forgotten to put on his wig! He quickly ran back past his indoor birdbath, the strange man holding his gnome, his ox ears and past his porcelain cat and once again he ventured upstairs. He frantically adjusted his ‘angry man’ black wig upon his head and ran back down the stairs, past the porcelain cats, a strange man holding his gnome, his ox ears and his indoor birdbath and opened his front door.
He walked across his freshly mowed grass and came to the place where his gnome once sat and he began to ponder. He stood in this very spot a moment longer, pondering like he’d never pondered before. Where had his gnome disappeared? Just as he was about to abort his temporary detective role, the strange man who once stood in his hallway ran out from his house, carrying a large suitcase and wearing a ‘sunny day’ strawberry blonde toupee.
George gasped in horror! What was this guy thinking? He was obviously a natural brunette and he was wearing a ‘sunny day’ blonde wig!
The strange dufilon (a male thief with three thumbs) realised he’d been noticed and he cleverly approached George as if he were a sales person. "Hi, my name’s Matthew Strain. I’m the head sales rep for strainelicious foods. I was wondering if you’d be interested in perhaps buying some cornflakes?"
George was intrigued. He’d never heard of such a brand before, "Strainelicious cornflakes... can I purchase two?"
Not expecting such a response, Matt (formerly known as ‘strange man’) hesitated to reply. Who the hell likes cornflakes enough to buy two?? On the other hand, matt had no cornflakes!! In great fear of recognition, Matthew ran like the wind, leaving poor George with nothing. No cornflakes, no gnome, no indoor birdbath, no suitcase... no possessions but his current clothes.
George spent the next few days waiting and watching the spot where his gnome once sat. He was then interrupted on the fourth day by a knock at his front door. He ran down his spiralled stairs past his porcelain cats and opened the door. There was no one there… no one in sight… nothing to be seen… except this…
No Gnome Suspect
