Ten Reasons to Vote for Voldie: 01) the British accent 02) his dark magical powers 03) he was an exceptional student 04) he reads the newspaper and plots to kill many journalists 05) his ultra-conservative values (hello, purebloods only!) 06) he's against abortion, unless it involves Mudbloods 07) he's for constitutional dictatorship 08) he has an affinity for blonde men, but he's not gay, really 09) he's got a hell of an amazing presence; nobody laughs at Voldie 10) he knows where his weapons of mass destruction are

Lord Voldemort (also fondly known to some as Tom Marvolo Riddle) isn't ashamed about his past. Yeah, he's killed hundreds of people, brainwashed hundreds, stolen money and property, probably raped dozens of women and children in his heyday, attempt to kill a little boy named Harry Potter at least four times now in one way or another, and - yes - even kicked a house elf, but does that all really matter?

Voldie supporters say No way!

If you vote Voldie, you won't have to deal with nasty sex scandals or wars without cause. He'll give you cause! Cause to vote, that is!

The Dark Lord is one great guy. Bush is weak. Even though Lord Voldemort's penis doesn't really work anymore (see, he can't have sex AND he's monogamous so there's no bitch wife for him to cheat on!), he's got more masculinity in his body than President Bush has in his big toe, and that's saying something!

He's so much better than Bush, too! Voldie wants to fix the economy, install a dictatorship, and murder innocent civilians all the time. Just what the American people want, too!

This November, don't vote for Bush or a Democrat. Vote Voldie and make your country proud!