(and they'll support you)
This is achieved through various different methods. The military offers to pay for your college, you can learn a trade/skill to help later on in life, you can tour the world and travel to foreign lands, in which you'd never have the opportunity to see. You can even join the military for a career (the pay is good and job security will never be a problem). I didn't believe it when I first read this, but NOW the military of the United States of America is now offering free surgeries to all those who enlist in the military and to thier immediate family members. The following procedures are all included and fully covered: rhinoplasty (nose jobs), laser vision correction, liposuction, breast implantion/augumentation, face lifts, and various other plastic surgeries.
According to one of the many articles on this subject, the New Yorker states, the military has performed 496 breast implants and 1361 liposuctions. The reason for offering this "benefit" to thier soldiers is "to not only help with financial costs towards the families, but to give the military medics and emergency surgeons the much needed practice".
PRACTICE! This is what everyone looks for in thier high-skilled surgeon, a high school drop-out hacking away at your grill after they put you under. Just to get in a few more reps. And when it comes to laser vision, for heaven's sake people, IT'S YOUR EYES!!! No one should want some rookie "doctor", as the military calls them, poking around with sharp objects and hot lasers. Think about it, the "two for one sale" is not a good choice when it comes to eye surgery. When picking an eye surgeon, no one should flock to the cheapest doctor, believe me.
On the other hand this is the best thing I've ever heard. Not only are we now the most powerful military in the world, we are now the sexiest military in the world. Not only can you join the military, defend your country, serve the American people, get an education, and tour the world, but you can get a new cans. As if the pride you get from being a U.S. soldier wasn't enough, you can now get new jugs to go along with it. What's more comforting in the trenches, when you're being seiged, and constantly shot at than to know you have a great rack.
Just like the article says, "Chest Out, Stomach In".
Be all you can be, and I'd like to be a D.
I can see it now:
Military Recruiting Officer: So Tommy have you thought about the military as a career?
Tommy: Well, yes kinda
Military Recruiting Officer: Did you know we offer a free college education?
Tommy: Yes, but it's really not for me
Military Recruiting Officer: Did you know you can learn a trade in the military?
Tommy: Yeah, but I'm really not good at anything
Military Recruiting Officer: Would you like to tour the world?
Tommy: Eh, not really
Military Recruiting Officer: Did you know that your wife would be eligible for free cans?
Tommy: Where do I sign up?
(Two enlisted men sitting in a fox-hole)
Soldier 1: So why'd you join? Were you touched by the events of 9/11? Did you lose a love one? Did you want to serve the country? Did you want to defend freedom and liberty? Did you do it for the free education?
Soldier 2: Naaa, I did it for the free cans
OLD MOTTOS: 1) Be all you can be 2) Army of one
NEW MOTTOS FOR THE MILITARY:
1) Army of Two
2) You got a B, we'll make it a D
My personal favorite:
3) Go to Iraq for a new rack
Stop it, the military has changed my life!
Signed,
Lieutenant Pam Anderson and
General Dolly Pardon
~~~ Mike in New Orleans