On the Musical Influence of the Dogs.

 

                                                (A thoughtless draft)

 

What is placed above is usually called “the title of the article”, and the article’s body itself is traditionally placed a little bit below, under the title and all these little meaning-words that i have the nerve to write, and you are brave enough to read… Maybe, it is so…

 

Very similar thing can be said about the musical influence of the Dogs… No, I did not make a slip in the speech. That is literally so, and not the otherwise. Now I will try to show – or rather explain – it… Yes… Now I will try to do this… Excuse me for making you wait. That was a short waiting… One very short, but also very important waiting in your life. Now is will end… I hope… I patiently wait…

 

Highly respected Ladies and Gentlemen!  It had been proven long ago that the human society consisted of three totally different kinds of animals. I will try to be careful and not to get off the right calculation. So, the human society consists largely of three kinds of animals, namely people, women, and Dogs. These three aforementioned kinds of beings have been existing already many centuries and millennia fully independently from each other, with some amount of interaction, but still without crossbreeding and eventual loss of their “borders”. That is the summary of the history of the question. All these disagreeing with me, I ask you first to think well about your life and than go out of the room, and close the door tightly. It is not a task of this article to changes the others’ views, to put it mildly – it is just about the musical influence of the Dogs, and nothing more… All other kinds of influence the Dogs may exert on themselves, I guess, without my middleman’s service, as they have their own teeth, nails, claws, and other socially active organs.

So, I hope, these who disagree may simply leave the room… without having me to use the services of a street cleaner… or my own besom… That would be very wise of them. Very wise.

So, I may quietly continue my quite Opaque Conversation in the cleaned room. I hope that the room will not require one more cleaning, and I will not be distracted from the central topic of my lecture…

Highly respected ladies, gentlemen, and Dogs!  It was not a mistake. It pertains to all of us, … without any exceptions… but also without repetitions. In our, so to say, musical world, Dogs follow after the people (literally follow on their heels) in the list of most influential animals. Of course, them. Besides them, nobody can and dare follow the people. In fact, who would dare take the next place after the Dogs… There are no, and there can be no rivals! In the musical life, the people go first, after them, literally on their heels, follow the Dogs, and then, at a good distance beyond, mince the women, with their heads lowered and getting stuck on every their step. But today, I am not going to speak about them, the third, but just will speak on the Dogs – the leading figures of the musical life occupying for centuries the honored second, middle place. Of course, I mean the Dogs. I have nobody else to mean.

I am trying to speak without breaks, and do not make long emphatic pauses between two neighboring thoughts. I modestly pin my hopes on your growing understanding, and brilliant evaluation of my completely un-human efforts.

But you can also boldly keep silence, and afterwards lesson to me without raising your heads. I gladly excuse you for such a strange behavior.

Of course, the Dogs influence the musical life not only due to their natural sociability and activity, but also because they have the musical face of their own, deeply different from that of women or people. How can I briefly describe that face in a way understandable for you? Not an easy task, but I will begin…First of all, it is a prolonged profile… very prolonged… and other thing to catch attention… big ears, too mobile, often flabby (in minor), mourning, but sometimes, however, standing, strained, heroic (not necessarily in major only)… also expressive eyes…non-human sadness or restrained smile… I will try not to digress, to be more precise and laconic… Generally, of course, it is a haired face. Is this feature of their musical face the main, or decisive one? I am lost in the guesswork. Of course, I know the answer, but hide it from you…, under the masque of confusion, or tiredness… Let you remain in full ignorance about the subject. That is a right thing to do. At least, today. And, very likely, tomorrow too. Of course, the day after tomorrow too…

What other features of the Dogs’ musical face, except the aforementioned, can be enumerated? Apart from deepest natural talent (that is almost animal-level geniality!), the Dogs’ musical face has some smaller features and traits, sometimes hidden beyond their skin and hair… First of all, that is the greatest unselfishness, absolute indifference towards money and “filthy lucre” (which very favorably contrasts the Dogs with all the other orchestra players, singers, and even conductors of human and female origins)… You can even assume that the Dogs are completely disinterested personages in the world of art! Moreover, I add emphatically, their inspiration today does not depend at all on the sum of honorarium (or the sum written down in the contract after comma), and even does not require any intake of alcoholic drinks, vodka, or port vine. They don’t require any alcoholic “warming up” either before or after the act of music making. However, I will not allow myself to fall into over-fervent idealism. It is not that all is so good… There are some shortcomings too. Perhaps, the main one is their completely retrograde ways, despondent loyalty to the “trash of centuries”. Today’s young Dogs self-obliviously make their music in almost the same ways as their ancestors in the times of Napoleon, Homer, or Hatshepsut… I dare to assume that even pre-historical music of the Dogs did not differ much from that of today. Yes, the Dogs are too conservative and stable: musically speaking, they do not stand, so to say, on all their four legs. Exactly this. And, also remark emphatically – they show exaggerated attention to food, always with emphasis on strong meat diet with elements of Oriental cuisine and Occidental indulgence… Good appetite, even too good, sometimes to the detriment of the health – of course, that is a bad feature, especially for the devotees of the art. And simultaneously – all-absorbing love to the Nature, and to everything in this Nature that is good for absorbing, suction, picking up… Of course, the impressive natures do not know any borders, do not see any limits for their desires… Rustling of a small mouse, flight of a bright dragon-fly, twitter of a grayish bird in the bush – and, especially, babble of water, moreover, the babble of any liquid which only can babble. Any overture or prelude, from the Dogs’ point of view, would begin with babbling of the inner, hidden moisture. All other musical images come after, when the moisture runs out and babbling ends… And that repeats itself every time…                

But especially depressing is, of course, absolute musical omnitude of the Dogs. They are omnivorous to the point that makes you faint, to the point that makes you vomit – excuse me for the rudeness, or, rather, sorrowful truth… It is mind-boggling what dreadful… stinking… indigestible… things they can eat, masticate, and even gulp down with visible pleasure, and even some gluttony, being choked with some hasty joy… Yes, of course, to be omnivorous is a big sin. But, my God, how it resembles people! Don’t we have the pleasure of seeing the same things every day, hour, even minute? Haven’t I digressed too much? Don’t I continue to speak about the musical influence of the Dogs? Only about that, only that, and not a word about other things. It is better to keep silence on them.

One more deeper quality of the musical face of the Dogs – it is its, so to say, special synthetic leanings, better to say, inclination.  I will not in vain concentrate the attention on the well known attentiveness of the Dogs to the various smells – that would be little bit vulgar, wouldn’t it? Although you have to agree that a well-known tendency of our times is the solemn synthesis of sound, color, and fragrance – don’t their legs grow from this point (sorry for too direct hint)? Here synthesis doesn’t limit itself to the art – the synthesis of the sensual organs takes place in reality as well. Exactly in this field where every sound is followed by an appropriate movement – exactly there lies a simple answer to all your complicated questions. Excuse me for my exceedingly elevated pathos… But the matter is not confined to the smell alone! Even the most mediocre Dogs can clearly feel with their ears and eyes the so-called concrete language of the sound. From this ability originates other synthetic inclination of the Dogs – their unreserved attachment to the music of action. This sort of music is much deeper than the so-called ”theater”… mediocre human theatre does not experience such extreme concreteness of sound and phrase. Yes, the Dongs play the invisible keyboard of objects and doings. The most mediocre piece, the most usual etude or exercise being played by any street Dog automatically turns into a small Mystery… perhaps even with some lethal consequences, if the Dog would be lucky. But I seem to be too infatuated again. This is a forgivable offence. This is possible as I have a headache. Such things do happen with my head.

Even the most worn-out street Dog daily represents a “one actor theater” where it successfully plays the main role, crowd scene, corps de ballet, and even spectators of the gallery. Of course, the music of the Dogs always tends to the group, collectivity, but this inclination cannot always be freely realized. Of course, once allowed they would always sing in choir and play only as an orchestra or ensemble – at least, no less than a quintet… In the sound of an alone Dog’s voice there can be always felt the melancholy and insufficiency of a prima, mediant, or even quart. Perhaps, that was the way the genre of “chain” opera or oratorio, was formed at some point in the past: the genre with always equally spontaneous, enormous, and deadly concrete force of inspiration. Even when the Dog’s sound seems for the first time to be too shrill and loud (the uninitiated people call such sounds just “barking”), it still carries the unmistakable traces of melody and inspiration. Yes, the Dogs, and not people, were the first to discover the magic of aleatory composition and the dance on points, and what the high society and artists usually call “dog barking” was unscrupulously plagiarized by Schönberg, von Webern, Pierre Boulez, and Iannis Xenakis, who, without long considerations, just presented the classical traditional music of the Dongs as their human avant-garde. And that is only one example, by the way…

But I decisively digress from concrete things… And just leave the place in a few moments. As usually, the paper runs out, and together with it runs out my patience as well. I am dissatisfied. Yes, I am very dissatisfied today…

Those were exactly Dogs who first discovered the music of the heavenly spheres by inseparably uniting the sounds of their melodic voices and night starry sky, paying special attention to the moon. And again this doubtless advancement of the Reason was afterwards plagiarized by Pythagoras and his mother, and also by Ptolemy and Copernicus, and that, to aggravate their crime, was done without any reference to their source. Generally, the people never had any repugnance to directly plagiarize from the Dogs. They simply allowed themselves to apply the non-human dexterity of the Dogs’ feet to the piano’s keyboard, and gradually turned it into incomparably smaller fluency of fingers or etudes, and Dogs were given, instead, just twice picked bone at best. And I will not say what they were given at worst.

I am ending, unable to control myself. Of course, much remains unsaid, and will remain unsaid forever. But I will manage to ask one important question on the last scrap of today’s newspaper. It would be too light-headed of me not to ask it…

-         How do you think, may we consider it a pure accident, that recently our city’s Mayor, well-known Mr. Sobchak and his wife come suspiciously often to the evening concerts of our National Philharmony?

That was my last word. I hope, you did discern its sound well?                                                           

 

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