October 30, 2003
The dynamics (statics?) of couches

      --Have you ever sat in one of those-type couches?  You know, the ones that basically suck you into a bottomless pit of pure comfort and softness.  You know, the ones you sit down in and you sink down about 10 inches and back another 8.  You know, the ones you wish you could make out with your girlfriend in....oops.  Yeah that one.  I love those couches!  They’re so comfortable and nice and wonderful.  I’ve yet to figure out why anyone would want to buy a couch other than those kind, but apparently people do.  I don’t know, maybe they’re trying to satify a social quota.  Like I honestly believe some people believe the more uncomfortable and upright a couch or chair is, the higher society they are.  It’s almost like wealth equates to uncomfortable couches.  Oh well, you can guess what kind of couches I’ll have in my house one day whether rich or poor. 
      Let’s identify the three types of couches out there.  You have the independent couches, the shy couches, and the inviting couches.  I prefer the inviting couches.

Independent couches
      -These types of couches obviously have it altogether.  They don’t
need any company and they don’t need anyone to sit on them.  They manifest this non-need by the way they’re made.  Referring the picture to the side, you can see independent couches voluntarily try to “push” you off themselves.  They’re angled as to not only make you uncomfortable, but to also try to get rid of you.  Why I don’t know.  My brother’s (bless his soul) couch is like this.  You get the impression it doesn’t like you or something and does it’s best to slowly push you off.  Well if I’m not wanted I’ll find my @$$ sitting services elsewhere.

Shy couches
       -Shy couches are a combination independent and inviting couch.  They aren’t repulsive in nature, but they sure aren’t comfortable either.  It’s like they’re battling between their desire to make friends eith you and their independent nature of not wanting to serve anyone’s fat arses.  You don’t get the feeling your not wanted, but you get the feeling that you probably shouldn’t overstay your welcome.  These couches are take the "cautious" approach to whose hides they serve.  These type of couches have to be really worked at if you want to get comfortable.  The flat surface, although better than the independent obtuse kind, isn’t very conducive to cosiness.

Inviting couches
     -Ah yes, the apotheosis of all that
Couch-dom should be.  You can see a mile away that this type of couch just wants to please that little, or big, fanny of yours like nobody’s business.  It’s like calling for your tushie!  You sit down in one of these babies and you’re transported to another place where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.  It’s the ultimate indulgence in inertia.  These couches just scream “Take a nap!  Forget your troubles! Make out on me!”.  The only bad thing about inviting couches is that they a bit insecure you could say because they make it real difficult to leave their presence.  They’re almost like addictive drugs.  Once you try one, it’s hard to stop.  You have to be careful as to not fall into it’s trap of sucking you so far into the soft, cozy, and supple leather that you can never get out again.  But yes, these are the ultimate in couch comfort.  Buy and be happy :)
The Ultimate-type Couch
Inviting-type couch
Shy-type couch
Indpendent-type couch