| January 20, 2004 Honesty --Many great minds of the 20th Century, namely Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, through scientific advances, namely the Theory of General Relativity pointing to a finite beginning of the universe, have succumbed to the empirical fact that our being, our existence, was brought about by a higher power, a “supernatural” form of intelligence. Einstein went as far as acknowledging a God-type Creator. But they couldn’t accept the God of the Bible, the Judeo-Christian God. They couldn’t come to terms how an apparent “all-loving” God could allow so much suffering and pain in the world. I’m not here to claim I’m the most suffering human, but I will answer Einstein’s personal conundrum. I pose a question in return. Without suffering and pain, how does one come to know what love is? I had a bad weekend apparently. To name a few frivolous circumstantial annoyances, my favorite football team lost in a miserable display and is now done their season, my cars seem to be on the fritz and I punctured the radiator of Rikku, I felt very physically lonely of company of the opposite sex, I let Satan (damn him!) absolutely lambaste me in terms of succumbing to temptations and sin, I did not get to about 94% of the academic things I wanted to get to, I wrote about only 12% of the personal writing I wanted to get done, and I let myself tell myself lies of self-pity and deceit and I believed them. When I think of the good things that happened this weekend I can think of a few...I didn’t sustain any life-threatening injuries like getting shot or falling from a three-story building which would of most assuredly caused some uncomfortable broken bones, my Philadelphia Flyers beat the annoying Toronto Maple Leafs two consecutive night 4-1 and 4-0 respectively, I received my beta version 1.0 of Resident Evil Outbreak (an online version of Resident Evil...blowing away slimy zombies with a shotgun of S&W Magnum was never so fulfilling), I got to sleep in on Friday, Saturday, and Monday, I had an item on Ebay with 3 bids already and there’s still 6 days left in the auction, I got to see my fun-loving nephew whose mind has yet to be tainted with human qualities, and I got my M3 over 8,000 rpm twice. You see, the problem with the human condition, aside from our daily sins, is that we focus way too much on what sucks in our life. Just look at my list above. At first I was completely focused on all the sucky things that happened to me and I wallowed in my self pity. But the second list sort of nullifies the bad. So in essence, at the worst, I could only call me weekend neutral if not alright. It’s funny, I bet when people think their lives are going really crappy and that the world is against them, and that nobody loves them, and that nobody is ever gonna marry them...I bet if that person gauged their circumstances more honestly, they’d realize things aren’t that bad. Sure things come about that suck, like the Eagles blowing a third consecutive conference championship game, but come on, we need that sucky times so we can understand the good ones. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t suffer. And that’s why I titled this “Honesty”. Because too often am I dishonest with myself. I refuse to admit things aren’t as bad as I think they are. I refuse to admit that the God of the universe cares about me even the minutest detail. I need to be honest and realize that I’m my own second-worst enemy (who’s first you might say? Why the Great Satan of course....Satan’s greatest achievement was deceiving the human race into believing he doesn’t exist.) I too often deceive myself into thinking that my depression and malcontent is a product of uncontrollable circumstances around me instead of the damnable fact that I can’t control my insatiable desire for sin and my conscious attempts to distance myself from my convictions courtesy of my God the Holy Spirit. I’m a shell of a man. I’m not worthy to even breathe. I’m a spiritual orphan apart from Christ. Yet for some unknown cosmic reason God, in his unfathomable glory, continues to lovingly tend to his most peculiar of creations. He continues (simultaneously existing inside and outside of length, width, depth, and time at his discretion...tis the nature of a supernatural transcendent Being) to work with us, exhibiting infinite patience with our immaturity and consistent rebellion. And so here I am, badgering the stars because the world doesn’t bend on hand and knee to serve me and my selfishness. Here the human race is plummeting into hellish oblivion with their cars, TV, and useless churches, and I’m here worrying about if I’ll get married or not. Here my closest of friends are looking at infinity behind bars of damning isolation devoid of the presence of anyone that cares and I’m here thinking about how my weekend sucked because my car won’t start. No my friends, I am a shell of a man less worthy to walk this spherical soil then that maggot writhing in disgust... There’s an old saying “It’s who you know.” And that saying is pertinent to my dishonesty. Because though I continually build my ego up, thinking I’m someone that I’m not, it’s who I know that’s my only saving grace. I imagine Satan has to deal with the greatest riddle of all every moment of eternity for the rest of eternity; the brain-teaser of why God would give a rat’s a$$ about the despicable, incapable, damnable beast that is called “humanity”. He even has the audacity to call them His children. And can you believe that one, He even desires to give them everything He has. God’s track record speaks for itself. The fact that He took flesh form and died on a cross for us undeserving maggots speaks volumes of one’s love for another. The fact that he moved galaxy and star to prepare and sustain one tiny planet in a plethora of space tells of a care that’s unworldly. The fact that he holds back from giving me what I really deserve even in light of my feeble attempts at “paying him back” shows patience compared to none (sorry Keith, Heaven doesn’t take Monopoly money). No my friends, your resume, experience, and interview (ala good works, church affiliation, Bible reading, etc.) mean nothing when it comes to landing the “big” job (ala Heaven and not Hell)...it’s really all about who you know. And I know this Cool Guy whose effect of the Love is humble honesty in the state I was, am, and will be in whilst I’m confined to this decaying body. And you know what; He’s actually willing to take me onboard the company despite my derelict past, present, and future. He’s willing to adopt me whilst I’m alone. No my friends, I did not have a “bad” weekend when I’m honest with myself. I had a weekend of purposed suffering along with some well-earned personal misery as a result of sin. And because traveling through that weekend valley has led me to this very point of clarity and veracity, I wouldn’t change it for the world... “Child of God”....kinda has a nice ring to it... |