Desiring marriage
“When an adolescent or an adult is engaged in resisting a conscious desire, he is not dealing with a repression nor is is he in the least danger of creating a repression. On the contrary, those who are seriously attempting chastity are more conscious, and soon know a great deal more about their own sexuality than anyone else.” -C.S. Lewis
“"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." –Genesis 2:18
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” –Genesis 2:24
I believe the marriage rate for the human race is somewhere in the range of 98% or so for us humans (at least in the U.S.). It may be even higher. And being the analytical man (hmmm, maybe boy) that I am, I must concede that honest statistical analysis predict highly in favor that I, Keith Wojciech, will one day be known as “Mr. and Mrs. Keith Wojciceh”. Chances are that I will someday enter into a spiritually fused relationship with another women. Despite my best efforts to play down those odds, I cannot get away from the fact that the overwhelming majority of men marry. I also cannot get away from the fact that we have this innate desire to want to marry. I believe we were designed with not only the capacity to relate intimately to others and our God, but to long for that intimacy also. That is why we have this weird notion that there is “something” more out there than this world, this universe, because we realize we cannot fully become intimate with others and God whilst we live in these decaying sin bins we call human flesh. And so because I qualify as a member of the human race, I too desire marriage, very much so in fact despite false inferences that I may not. It is one thing to say marriage isn’t on the top of my list on things to worry about (which I believe my stance is). It is a whole other thing to say marriage is undesirable to me (which I completely don’t subscribe to that mentality. Only a fool would I assume).
Often, during my crusades of abstinence, I’m pegged as an “anti-sexer”, or one with harmful sexual repressions that could damage my psyche, not to mention my sex-drive. I’m seen as one of those ludicrous religious folk that think sex, low-cut dresses, and dancing of all of the nefarious handiwork of the Devil. Those accusations couldn’t be farther from the truth! C.S. Lewis’s observation above is all too clear to me as I resist the carnal natures and inclinations of this flesh. It’s odd too how that works backwards to popular thought (or the “worldview”). The worldview would say that the more you resist your desires, the more you “miss out” on living life and on experiencing the good things life offers. The Bible (God’s word) says the complete opposite (should that shock anyone?) and once again the Bible turns out to be true (big shocker). I find the more I resist food, or fast for example, the more real that desire to consume that food becomes. Same with sex. The more I resist my sexual inclinations (which doesn’t happen too often mentally unfortunately), the more I realize how much I want sex. You might be a little appalled by my candidness, but it’s necessary to drive my point home. I want sex, I desire sex, and I’d venture my sex-drive is turbo-charged so intensely, it’d put even the most licentious P.A.B. to shame! You see, it’s in our resistance (through God's grace only) to temptation that we not only realize our desire for it, but for it to be done right and pure; the way God intended it. For not all temptation is based in immoral activity, just in the timing of that activity, like sex. And so this brings us back to the odd concept of marriage. For our natural appetite (for a man) would be to have sex with as many women as possible, as many times as possible, in the quickest amount of time. Much like the cicadas exhibits their natural sex-drive with rechless abandon. Yet the moral code written on every man’s heart throughout history says that we not only desire one women to be married to, but also that that is the only right or proper way to do things, just as the Bible says (coincidence? I think not). And yes, if one doesn't get married, one is expected, or commanded to obey for the loving reasons of God, to maintain that vow of chastity until one returns to the Earth. Ignorance is bliss though as they say.
Make no mistake though (am I sounding like Bush?), just because I desire marriage infinitely more than a hundred BMW’s and perfect surfing conditions doesn’t mean I will let that desire rule over me as so many adolescents do. Because a small percentage of persons don’t actually get married, I must consider the possibility that God would have that path for me also. And though many would consider that prospect disappointing and upsetting, I find it just as wonderful as the anticipation of marriage for God can do mighty things in the lives of singles. And isn’t that why I’m here? Not for my glories or pleasures, but for God’s. Yet ironically I find pleasure in pleasuring God through obeying and trusting in him. So yes, despite the natural propensity I have toward getting married, I will not succumb to the damaging insecurity of expecting it. Nor will I gravitate toward of a jaded approach of refraining from the purity of coveting it. You may ask where that leaves me in my unavoidable desire of it. It is simple really. For as we focus on Christ, and the work he has for us to save souls through him, I am freed from any reservations I may have for the future of my own life resulting in the long sought after incomprehsible peace and place of contentment. I then am no longer a slave to my own selfishness that destroys my effectiveness to reach the lost and undone.
I’m not sure where I’ve gone with this but I guess I just wanted to clear up a few issues regarding my voracity for sex and yearning for a wife. I’d like to think of myself as a guy that has, through Christ’s grace in me, some admirable qualities to offer another women in a lifelong commitment. I’d like to think I’m not so hideously unattractive that no girl would ever have a physical appeal to me. And I’d like to think, again through Christ’s grace in me, that girls can look at me and say “That’s the type of man I would desire to spend the rest of my life with.” For that is the ultimate goal really of marriage; to glorify God through it notwithstanding the coalescence of two damnably flawed individuals.
So I’ll continue to live with this thirst for a Mrs. Wojciech and insatiable sex-drive, all the while focusing on the only One that really matters in the cosmos. My vow of chastity doesn’t negate any interest in breaking it. On the contrary, it infuses the resolve to keep that vow so that one day it may be broken, but in the foundries in which it was meant to be. I am not immune to falling in that area; I wholeheartedly and humbly admit that, but I will continue to pray for God’s help to resist temptation because a potential Mrs. Wojciech is worth that patience. That and oh so much more. ..
Dream Girl
She has compassionate arms,
a loving smile,
ears that listen,
and lips that are merciful.
She has helping hands,
and a forgiving face.
Is tall and courageous,
yet short and humble.
She has a beautiful heart,
and a graceful soul.