HA-HA
- Nelson, The Simpsons
Excellent
- Montgomery Burns (Mr. Burns), The Simpsons
Screw you guys, I'm going home!
- Eric Cartman, South Park
That's all folks!
- Looney Tunes

Very punny:
Source - various sites

A good pun is its own reword.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean morality comes from morons?
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a big book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would give you Linoleum Blownapart.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The radio station that played particularly good music was a rare medium, well-done.
When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
A good acupuncture is a jab well done.
They also surf who only stand on waves.
Addicted to brake fluid? Nah, I can stop any time. (Mark Foerster)
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
Bough, cough, dough, rough, sought, through, hiccough - argh!
Man was predestined to have free will.
She's in love with her psychiatrist: she's shrink-rapt
Threw jelly at cop; conviction: carrying congealed weapon
Cross a cannon with a bell: boomerang!
With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are inseine.
Australian beer is made out of kangaroo hops
Does "Quasimodo" ring a bell? I had a hunch it would...
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice
Dyslexics of the world, untie!!
Erik the Red was a Norse of a different colour
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy
In plumbing,a straight flush is better than a full house
It looks like an optical illusion, but it isn't
Me...a skeptic? I trust you have proof
Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph!
Puns are bad..but Poetry is......verse
Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned.
The beauty of a pun is in the argh of the beholder
The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up
The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo.
To learn about paranoids, follow them around.
Gentlemen prefer bonds. (Andrew Mellon)
Tried to play my shoehorn - all I got was footnotes
Try Milk of Amnesia - when you need to forget
When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall
Witches fly on brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. (G. Carlin)
A backward poet writes inverse.
A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

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