“The presidency is under attack. You must all flee. All registered members of the ‘Trying to do good for the nation’ committee found within 30 miles of the country will hereby be prosecuted.”
Ah. Now we proceed. I am writing this merely because I feel like writing and updating you on the world’s economic situation right at this very point in time. Or I might just be bored. Either way, after reading this, you will lose 30 IQ points and your subconscious will suddenly feel the need to commit a murder by decapitation, causing you to run with a kitchen knife in a way that is only fun until someone loses their head. Literally. Blech. Where was I? Oh yes. The whole of Hong Kong is hereby under attack from a mysterious disease that so cunningly disguises itself as ‘severe acute respiratory syndrome’. Therefore, I shall be forced to spend the remainder of this week confined within the walls of my 8-year-old infested home. With my mountain load of schoolwork increasing daily, I fear that one day, the world will cease to exist as we know it. And, while the entire universe is in disarray (said events are: The pointless war on Iraq, and the Hong Kong rugby sevens, to which I owe most of my sanity to), I have been provided with an excellent opportunity to subtly take control of the world when nobody is looking. Hah! My schemes of world domination have not gone to waste. Anyhow, it is now that I sign off, leaving you to jump up and down with anticipation like a homicidal maniac at the thought of finally having a new world leader.
Evil Headquarters, sometime later:
“We have just received an important message from the world health organisation. You are to report to officers immediately. Either that or you will be forced to spend the remainder of your insignificant life trapped within and inferno.”