"Eh heh. Eh heh heh."
With The Nightmare before Christmas when…
1. Whenever you see something you have never seen before, you peer at it curiously. Then you do a spasmodic dance and sing "What's this? What's this?" over and over again until you are told to shut up.
2. You named your dog "Zero".
3. You tried to kidnap Santa.
4. When you did this, you tiptoed down the stairs whilst humming "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" very quietly. Your "trap" resulted in a broken leg for one very unfortunate parent.
5. You sat in the bathtub all day waiting for it to move. It didn't.
6. You spent four hours searching the fields for deadly nightshade. You went home crying because you couldn't find any.
7. You worship Billy Martin even though you hate Good Charlotte.
8. You also worship Davey Havok even though you think he's been castrated.
9. On Halloween, you lost 30lb and dressed up as Jack Skellington. People gave you extra candy because they felt sorry for you.
10. They stopped giving you extra candy when you grinned (Jack style) at them. Instead, they cowered behind their front doors and threatened to call the police.
With taking over the world when…
1. You stay up all night thinking of ways to conquer the universe without spending more than 20 pounds.
2. You get 23% in your next maths test. You get a note from your teacher that says: "This is simply not good enough. See me after class". You return the note. It now reads: "When I destroy the world, you will be the first to die".
3. Your best friend repeatedly tries to convince you that taking over the world is not as easy as it seems. In response, you casually ask her why she has a tampon sticking to her back. When you see the horrified expression on her face, you throw your head back and laugh in a manically deranged way.
4. You spend all evening searching for nuclear weapons on eBay.
5. When you overhear a conversation between two people plotting to destroy the world, you immediately devise a plan to kill them.
6. You practice your evil dictator laugh every now and then, just to see what happens to everyone else in the room. Nothing happens. They all continue to talk. You decide that maybe you should save your evil dictator laugh for other occasions.
7. You arranged your room so that you could sit behind your desk in a big chair and turn around whilst tapping your fingers together silently.
8. You think anyone who uses the words "domination", "plotting" and "bombing" in their conversations is a threat to your plans and must be disposed of as soon as possible.
9. You construct your own missiles (using balloons and cranberry juice) and launch them over the garden fence at the next door neighbours' cat. You watch and clap your hands in delight as the cat's fur gradually turns pink.
10. Quite often, you jump out from behind trees whilst screaming like a banshee at unsuspecting children. You don't know why.
And you know you think you're a therapist when you repeatedly try to convince the Goths that life is good and that they should be grateful for what they have. And you never give up. Not even when they threaten to cut both your arms off and beat you with them until you die, and dump your body in a recycling bin. It never occurs to you that they might actually be serious.
Evil HQ, some hours later:
"You know, your Supremedom, I don't think firing the minions was the cleverest thing to do."
*The Presidency over the intercom: Go away. I am too busy being emo*
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