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YOU KNOW YOU A REDNECK IF........
1. You time your belches to achieve a personal best.
2. You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
3. You follow the trctor pull circuit.
4. Your car insurance deductible is higher that the value of your car.
5. Your five-year-old can rebuild a carburetor.
6. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
7. You call your boss "dude."
8. You can eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
9. You have a photo of yourself with a prize-winning vegetable.
10. You cut your wedding cake with a chainsaw.
11. You have to bring your own silverware to the family reunion.
12. The flood history of your area can be seen on your living room wall.
13. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill. (I do)
14. You ever fixed your front porch with a car jack.
15. Your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.
16. You have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
17. Your air conditioner is louder than your TV.
18. You've spent more time on top of your Winnebagoo than in it.
19. You've been to the emergency room more thatn three times to have a fishhook remove.
20. The first question your mother asks upon checking into the motel is, "Where's the nearest liquor store?"
21. You've ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.
22. You've ever written a fan letter to a medicated powder.
23. There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
24. You get poison ivy, chiggers, and fleas just walking to your mailbox.
25. Your wife's wearing a hair net in your wedding photos.
26. Chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.
27. You've been hunting on a tractor.
28. You've ever given someone livestock as a wedding present.
29. Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.
30. You've ever held up a funeral procession to check your oil.
31. You have a prescription for antiperspirant.
32. The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
33. You received a tub of crickets as a wedding present.
34. Your kids go to Disneyland in just their underpants.
35. You took advantage of a "kids stay free" deal on your honeymoon.
36. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
37. Your boots cost more than your wedding ring.
38. You had to take gum out of your mouth to kiss the bride.
39. You've ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.
40. Your attorney is also your milkman.
41. You ever killed a bug with a shotgun.
42. You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
43. The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is, "What the hell are you lookin at, Diphead?"
44. You've ever backed out of the driveway and run over a Big Wheel, a garden hose, and a chicken.
45. You go to a family reunion to meet women. |
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