A LETTER TO THE ORTHODOX BETH DIN WHO OFFICIATED A CONVERSION
The letter was sent to clarify the situation for the Beth Din in protest of accusations from local community leaders as to the validity of the conversion. (Names have been changed to protect the personal dignity of everyone involved.)
Documentation provided to the Beth Din were e-mails from the original sponsoring rabbi.
May 1, 2000
Dear Rabbi A,
Last month, when Rabbi B and I decided to get married in June, we sought a local Orthodox rabbi to officiate at our wedding.
The rabbi immediately raised suspicion as to the conversion's validity without any knowledge of the names on the document, refusing to even examine the teudah (official certificate of conversion). The rabbi had this reaction prior to any knowledge of Rabbi B acting as sponsoring rabbi. When Rabbi B asserted that the conversion was indeed halakhic and valid, that he had even been the sponsoring rabbi, that's when the problem escalated.
Rabbi B then turned to another local Orthodox rabbi to officiate at our wedding. It turns out that this rabbi had already heard about our situation from the first rabbi. He said to my fiancee that the conversion has "a bad smell", and asked, "You mean to tell me, there were no other rabbis who could have sponsored her?". Rabbi B, in his amazement, was greatly offended at this, since the rabbi had no knowledge of the situation and jumped to the worst conclusions. It's as though as though the first rabbi had given the second title the impression that his reaction had been BECAUSE of the fact that Rabbi B was the sponsoring rabbi, when in fact he had reacted prior to this knowledge. My fiancee believed it to be beneath his dignity to have to explain the full details of the situation, in which he had stepped in at the last minute. My fiancee was taken aback that this second rabbi immediately was assuming and insinuating horrible and untrue things… That Rabbi B actively pushed my conversion because of a romantic interest, that I had converted out of romantic involvement with a Jew, that he'd been my sponsoring rabbi due to a personal interest, and that my status as a bat Yisrael was invalid.
This letter should serve to clarify the matter and put to rest any suspicions of negiah (personal interest - which would invalidate an official document) involved in my conversion.
The following is an account of the circumstances which led up to Rabbi B stepping in at the last minute as my sponsoring rabbi, and documentation of e-mail correspondence between Rabbi D and myself which validates those. I have included notes that I made around that date, including a message I sent to CHEIF DAYAN upon his return to the U.S. around February 5.
The following is an account of the situation. For proper assessment and a decision to be made in this case, I believe it to be necessary that the Beth Din reads this information.
I began the conversion process formally with the Beth Din of CITY A in mid-1999. I had been interested in conversion for more a year and had pursued learning about Judaism prior to making contact with an Orthodox community. I had called Rabbi D of CITY B in 1998, but he was too busy to accept me as a conversion candidate. He told me to call back after the summer. I called in August, but being too busy still, he told me to call back after the High Holy Days. I moved away to CITY C at that point for college, and no further contact was made with any LOCAL rabbis until I returned four months later or so. I returned to the area, after serious study of TaNaKh, with conversion taking priority in my life, over college. I reduced my courseload and took a couple of classes at the local community college while I pursued formal conversion study. After exposure to non-Orthodox Jews and seeing some serious differences between what I'd understood of Judaism and what I witnessed, I realized that only Orthodox Jews were doing real Judaism, keeping Shabbat and kashrut. I chose to pursue an Orthodox conversion and an observant life. I experienced Shabbat, truly, for the first time, when I spent it with an Orthodox family in the ShulA community just after Pesach in 1999. I made contact with CHIEF DAYAN around that time and returned the application packet a while after. I moved within walking distance of the shul.
Acceptance of me by the Beth Din of CITY A as a conversion candidate depended on my securing a teacher and a sponsoring rabbi. I began studying with Mrs. L and made contact with Rabbi D of Shul A regarding the sponsorship of my conversion process. I requested repeatedly that Rabbi D make contact with CHEIF DAYAN in order to clarify his role in the process. Rabbi D stalled in doing so, for reasons unbeknownst to me. When I did see him at shul, I asked if he had called CHEIF DAYAN, and he assured me that he had plans to do so. Several weeks after my initial meeting with CHIEF DAYAN (August 29(?), 1999), I was getting desperate to have the contact take place between he and Rabbi D. I needed a sponsoring rabbi. R. Name3 was seriously procrastinating despite repeated contact between he and I. So, I called Rabbi E of Shul B to see if he would consider sponsoring me. He would not, expressing that he had no experience nor interest in dealing with conversions, a sensitive issue. I continued learning weekly with Mrs. L. From July through November, I was taking several classes each week with her: Intermediate Hebrew, Prayerbook Hebrew, and a private lesson relating to the conversion process. After the Hebrew classes ended, I continued with the private lessons.
Rabbi B and I met just after Sukkot, 5760. Rabbi B had returned to the U.S. from Israel just before Rosh HaShanah. We began dating in late October of 1999. At that time, I had informed him that I was going through a conversion process. We discussed neither the possibility of me learning with him, though he was an ordained Orthodox rabbi, nor of him being a sponsor in my conversion. I was already learning with Mrs. L. and through books, and Rabbi D had already expressed willingness to sponsor me, though the contact between him and CHEIF DAYAN had not yet taken place. I left messages for Rabbi D at his home, office and home office, with CHEIF DAYAN's phone number. I don't recall him even phoning me back, though he did mention on Shabbat once that he'd gotten my message and planned to call CHEIF DAYAN. In late November, I made contact with CHEIF DAYAN to discuss the lodging arrangements for my mid-December weekend stay in L.A. (I was to meet with him Sunday morning). I inquired as to whether CHEIF DAYAN had spoken to Rabbi D. No phone conversation had been taken place between the two, so I e-mailed Rabbi D. E-mail correspondence seemed to work, as Rabbi D was very prompt in responding and then called (left voicemail for) CHEIF DAYAN. This was good news. It looked like things would be just fine.
I met with CHEIF DAYAN in CITY A on Sunday morning, December 12, having been lodged in a guestroom that weekend. After our meeting, CHEIF DAYAN had offered me two dates on which I could schedule my appearance before the Beth Din of CITY A February 13 or March 12. On December 15, I e-mailed Rabbi D with the news. At first, I'd thought March 12 was better, for mikveh-related reasons. The next day, after I'd given Rabbi D the March 12 date, I re-checked my calendar and February 13 was actually better. I e-mailed that information to Rabbi D immediately on December 16. Rabbi D had been very evasive in committing to a date, though he expressed verbal willingness to accompany me to CITY A. I had offered to pay for any expenses, even offering to have another person (of his choice) accompany us so as to avoid being alone together--in case that was a concern. He wrote that travelling with me would be no problem. He did mention that there was a possibility that he might have to be out of town then, but that the date seemed fine. He asserted that he had some control over his travel plans. When I saw him in person on the following Shabbatot, he repeatedly questioned me as to who the members of the Beth Din were, and I told him that I didn't know and that he should contact CHEIF DAYAN for more information. Finding out the names of the dayanim seemed to be very important to him. I did know what that uneasiness was about, but I did my best to find out the names of the dayanim for him, unsuccessfully.
As previously stated, I met with CHEIF DAYAN in mid-December. At that time, he and Rabbi D had still not had a conversation. I couldn't believe it. This troubled me greatly, and I voiced my concerns that Rabbi D was delaying contact. CHEIF DAYAN asked if I knew of another title who could sponsor me. I informed him that the title of the other shul had declined my request for sponsorship, but there was another title in the community, who however could not be involved because there was a personal interest developing between us. I had no intention whatsoever of having Name1 as my sponsoring rabbi. CHEIF DAYAN suggested that the rabbi (Rabbi B - my boyfriend) might still be able to teach me things about Judaism, even though he would not be my sponsor, but I didn't follow through on learning with Rabbi B. My boyfriend was not involved in my learning process.
On January 9, Rabbi D and I had met, at my arrangement, in order for him to get the opportunity to ask me any questions about myself, my character, my comprehension of Jewish and Hebrew concepts, etc. Rabbi D expressed confidence in me at that point, and did not feel it necessary to quiz me on my knowledge. Indeed, he said that he was willing to go with me to CITY A That day, on January 9, he did indicate that he still couldn't commit to any particular date, because he may need to go out of town for business. He joked that business would be much more profitable than going with me. That is indeed understandable, since it's parnassah and he has a large family. However, for me, appearing before the Beth Din and G-d to become one of the children of Israel was the most important point in my life so far…
In early January, I had met with my teacher, Mrs. L., for a lesson. I continued learning with her for several months, until around January 12 or so. I finally came to the conclusion that I was not progressing sufficiently under her tutelage. However, it was openly known in the community that her husband was out of work, and I did not want to cut off the family's income by ending lessons with her. (Even now, I have not told anyone except Name1 that the reason I'd stuck with her for so long was out of concern for her income.) I did not have a plan with whom else I'd learn, so I called a friend of mine from Shul A, Mr. L, to ask his advice. He suggested a mutual acquaintance from Shul A or a local rebbetzin. I had already phoned Rebbetzin G., but she left a message responding that after she had spoken with Rabbi D's wife and thinking about it, she did not think she could help me with conversion lessons. When I questioned Rabbi D, he recommended the other option, Mrs. J. Mrs. J. did agree to help me learn.
I met with Mrs. J. for a lesson that Sunday morning. She was optimistic about my progress and encouraged me. I was very happy that I would get some good lessons in. Later, Mrs. J. phoned me saying that Rabbi D's wife had spoken with her, insisting that she not learn with me. I was totally bewildered and dismayed by the whole situation. Here was just one more thing in a string of events that was making my conversion process more and more difficult. I then spoke with Mrs. L. and officially and amicably ended our lessons together. But that left me without a teacher. At that point, I intensified my study with books.
I have since recently spoken to Mrs. J. to clarify what exactly happened, and she stated that out of respect for Rebbetzin D, she had not wished to create any tension in the community by taking "[Mrs. L].'s" student away. The reason given was that Rebbetzin. D thought that I had agreed to learn with Mrs. L. for the entire year.
On January 23 or thereabouts, Rabbi D told me that he could not go with me on February 13. My former teacher, Mrs. L. was troubled when I relayed to her this news. Mrs. L. then phoned Rabbi D and pressed him to commit to the 2nd possible date: March 12. His response was that he cannot commit to that date, or any other for that matter, for personal reasons. This refusal was not related to any doubt about me personally or my conversion process. Mrs. L. then suggested to Rabbi D as an alternative that I find another title to sponsor me, namely Rabbi B, and Rabbi D gave to this his full consent. Mrs. L. agreed, and passed the message along to me. The suggestion that Rabbi B serve as my sponsoring rabbi was not my initiative.
I still wanted to appear before the Beth Din on February 13. It was not impatience on my part… it's that I was deeply committed to living as a Jew and I wanted to actually do mitzvot, not just simulations. I was disappointed and dismayed at the reluctance of Rabbi D in this process, as well as ALL of the other titles I'd made contact with. The difficulty which faced me at every turn was most certainly not encouraging, but I knew that I wanted to convert. I was ready.
I spoke with Rabbi B, and only after carefully evaluating the circumstances would he agree to help me. We discussed the issue of negiah and if he could he really be my sponsor. I was certainly in a predicament. So I wrote an urgent letter to CHEIF DAYAN and left several messages for him. I was really concerned about this, terribly worried that I would have to pretty much start over again, finding another title and delaying my conversion date for who knows how long. I'd already tried contacting most of the rabbis in the HOMETOWN at the beginning of my conversion process. They either never called me back, or did not want to help me. I was very worried, and CHEIF DAYAN was out of the country, so I couldn't talk to him about this sooner. I overnighted a letter to him requesting that he call me. I explained the situation, how Rabbi D had cancelled out at the last minute. I was sure that CHEIF DAYAN recalled Rabbi B from our December conversation, and was terribly anxious that he'd say no. Much to my relief, CHEIF DAYAN said it was okay to have Rabbi B be my sponsoring rabbi on February 13. I went down to City A at that time, was questioned intensely by the Beth Din, and later immersed to complete the conversion process.
Rabbi B asked me to marry him over a month later, in late April. I accepted his proposal.
My fiance (Rabbi B) is a Jew of tremendous character, truly committed to living life with integrity, honesty and justice under the rule of G-d. To doubt that his involvement in my conversion was anything but reasonable is deeply humiliating to me, and to him as well I'm sure. In fact, prior to those circumstances, I had been insisting that he NOT accompany Rabbi D and myself down to CITY A. I didn't want him to be there, as the matter of my conversion was extremely personal for me. The development of my own moral character is what attracted me toward Judaism. Not a romantic interest in a Jew (for I had never even dated a Jew until well into my conversion process), not possible Jewish ancestry (which I'd discovered more than six months into my process); not any ulterior motive. It is a true belief in the Almighty G-d and seeing the truth of Torah that drove me to convert to Judaism. The conversion is now official; I have taken on all the obligations of a Jewish woman, and I continue learning and living each moment according to Torah law.
I'd like to thank you and CHEIF DAYAN for your kind help and patience in resolving this situation, as this matter has caused me much humiliation. I assure you that there had been absolutely NO intention of Rabbi B being my sponsoring rabbi until Rabbi D's last minute cancellation had left me with few to no other options. Though I do believe there was no negiah. I want my status as a bat Yisrael to be valid in the eyes of G-d and the Beth Din, and I am willing to take the steps necessary to ensure that it is unquestionably so.