Trailer Trash

You know you're Trailer Trash when...
(also sounds a whole lot like Jeff Foxworthy)
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your

2. You let your 12-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a
different night.

5. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."

6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey,
watch this!"

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are
""Gentlemen, start your engines."

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right
off its wheels.

13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending on how much gas is in it.

14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie
at the House of Tattoos.

17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a
law against it.

18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20. You vote for a Presidential candidate because you think it's
cool that he cannot remember an entire decade, he owned a major
league ball team and knows that guy who looks like Moses.

Christmas Jokes

Sants Jokes

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in
lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn
to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space
ranger. At least HE can spell!

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do. Love,

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing
the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps
Hey, you wanted to know.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake,like in the song?

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year.
Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me.
You're getting a sweater again.

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house,
you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside
your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,

WARNING!! EXTREAMLY SICK JOKES!! Some people may be offeneded