(Beleive it or not, I took the really rude ones out...)
Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
Q. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A. A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving
A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She's the one who can eat that last donut!
Q. What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A. A pick pocket Snatches Watches.
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More head room
Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat.
Q. What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A. One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q. Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A. Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it but they can't eat it.
Q. How is a woman like a condom?
A. Both spend most of their time in your wallet.
Q. How are tornadoes and marriages alike?
A. They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw.
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