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LINKS TO OTHER ENTRIES IN MY HOMEPAGE |
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THE PITFALLS OF |
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BEING |
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JOHNNIE'S REQUEST |
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WAHOO INSPIRATIONAL SITE |
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YOUNG |
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THE PITFALLS OF GROWING OLD |
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THE BUTTERFLY SYMBOL |
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A mother and her convent-raised young daughter were riding in a taxi one evening through a midtown block notorious for street solicitation.
"What are all these women waiting for, mother?" the girl asked.
"They're probably meeting their husbands after work," replied the woman hastily. |
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GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN
by Cindy Lauper |
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I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones
And girls just wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have fun
My phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh Daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls, they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have fun
Some boys take a beautiful girl
And they hide her from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh girls just wanna have fun.
From Safalra's Midis and Lyrics |
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"Aw, c'mon lady," grumbled the taxi driver, "Why don'tcha tell her the truth? She's old enough."
"Please, mom," said the girl, "I want to know." |
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Looking daggers at the back of the driver's head, the woman carefully explained the situation. When she had finished, the daughter asked, "But what happens to the babies those women have?"
"They grow up," the woman replied, "and become taxi drivers."
Source: Krushwant Singh's Big Fat Joke Book, Penguin Books, India 2000 |
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Tsinoy says: And the moral of the story is: mind other's business and risk being called a bastard like the taxi driver! LOL!
That's one hell of a story, but come to think of it, how many of us, grown-ups, get stuck when our teens ask us about the facts of life? About the birds and the bees? How do we instil moral and family values without taking away the fun that kids get from instant self gratification? |
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Some parents tend to clam up. "You're too young to learn about this," they tell their kids. "Go ask your mom," dads tell their daughters. "Boys aren't cool," moms reply. "They only have one thing in mind. And I can't tell you just yet." Meanwhile, they become overprotective. Poor kids, they're clueless as to what they are being protected from.
The fear that most parents share is that their kids are so impressionable that they could easily absorb ideas and adopt them as their own. Ideas that appeal most are those that lead to instant self gratification. (No wonder Sony is making a lot of dough with Playstation.) |
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But the fear is generally borne of the fact that although they were once kids before, parents do not know what goes on in the minds of their teens these days. In addition, parents expect their teens to conform to a certain family norm. While this expectation is needed for the bonding of the family, this is an abstract concept that has to be planted (read: articulated) in the tender minds of children.
In the first chapter of the book "In Over our Heads: the Mental Memands of Modern Life," author Robert Kegan examined the thought process that went on in the minds of Peter and Lyn and their 17-year old son Matty. One evening, Peter and Lyn got worried, disappointed and angry when Matthew came home past midnight - his curfew time - after attending a party. |
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Kegan says that like most parents, Peter and Lyn expected Matty to understand their point of view of "shared bonds of mutual trust and concern." Translated into a dialogue, he says that they could have said this to Matty: "This isn't a hotel here, buddy. You could have called us. It's time you joined this family, buddy, and started thinking about somebody other than just yourself!" |
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Kegan remarks that Matty's show of "independence" when he was ten delighted them, but has now become a "lack of trustworthiness." In short, they wanted more of Matty at 17 than they wanted when he was ten. They wanted a change of behavior - and more. They wanted him to alter his feelings for the members of his family. To complicate the situation, the mental demands on Matty - and others teens of today - include the expectations at school, in the community, and among his peers. The school wants him to have good grades; the community wants him to be a good citizen; and his peers want him to be at their beck and call. |
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As to what goes on in teens minds, Jay McGraw, 20, reveals in his book "Strategies for Teens" the result of his interviews with teens on what they think about their parents. Here's a sampling:
* My parents don't listen to a word I say.
* They treat me like a toddler.
* They give a long lecture including a list of "you should'ves..." while I was thinking "What I could've...but I didn't".
* They give me a history lesson about when they were teenagers that is so boring I'm thinking of marketing it as a lullaby.
* I bring up a problem of mine, and my parents top it up with a problem of theirs that I'm thinking of bringing up world hunger and nuclear warfare next time.
* My parents are convinced that I have three remaining brain cells, and they are fighting.
* They pass out more advice than Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on Loveline. |
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Dr. Phillip McGraw, author of Life Strategies, must be awfully proud of the book of his son Jay, as the son has thoroughly absorbed - and put into words that kids could relate to - what the father has discussed in his book. In coming up with a strategy to deal with parents, Jay tells his teen readers that "we teach people how to treat us."
In the case of the earlier story of Matty, if he makes his parents clueless about what he did at the party, and who he is with, he teaches them to be nervous. In such a situation, Jay says that the way for teens to get along well with their parents is to talk with their parents and get them to relate on a more adult-to-adult level, as opposed to always wanting to discipline you or just disregarding what you are saying. "In this way, you command the respect of your parents," Jay adds. |
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Kegan says in his book that this "meeting of the minds" would come about when kids reach the state in their mental development wherein they come to realize the benefits of aligning their points of view with those of others (parents, school, community, peers).
We've come to the end of this piece. But wait, where do the "birds and the bees" come in here? How should teens deal with pre-marital sex and drugs and rock and roll and all that fun stuff? Yes, most teens say these are cool, and everyone else is doing them. Besides, their parents cannot watch them 24 hour, seven days a week. Yet they knew pretty well about the consequences, such as unwanted pregnancy, drug addiction, STDs, and the like. |
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Thankfully, Jay McGraw has made sense of it all. He tells his teen readers that they need not bow to peer pressure and to all that instant fun that you would get from their company. He reminds them that "You are all unique, and that there will never be another you." Finally, he tells them to "Be yourself, think for yourself and be honest with yourself." He adds, "consider your decision morally, socially, behaviorally, physically, emotionally. it is not a simple decision because once you do it, you cannot undo it. It is your body and you have the right to say NO!"
Tough words from a kid who has just turned into an adult. Parents would surely be proud of having Jay McGraw for a son who has lived what he preaches in his book "Strategies for Teens."
There you have it. Open the channels of communication and have a blissful, peaceful family life! |
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Cheers!
Tsinoy |
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Background music "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cindy Lauper from Safalra's Midi's and Lyrics Homepage |
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Animations on this page were borrowed from Animated GIF.Net, Harry and Dorret Goodwin's Homepage, and Animated GIF Finder. |
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