Sly moved closer to Emily, but he couldn't take his eyes off of Lucky. He had not seen him since Lucky attacked him. His blood ran cold with thoughts of that day. Now he was stuck in the same elevator with him. What if Lucky flipped out again? He couldn't let him hurt Emily or the baby, or Carly, for that matter. He didn't know her at all, but he had seen her around sometimes. Funny how they were cousins, but they had never met.
Carly was currently on the emergency phone. "What are you talking about? This is a hospital! You should be fixing this immediately!" Carly had a very cross look on her face.
Emily suddenly had an idea. "Let me talk to them, Carly."
Carly handed the phone to Emily. "Maybe you'll have better luck," Carly said, as she was muttering under her breath about the person on the other end of the line.
Emily put the phone to her ear. "This is Emily Quartermaine. You know, my father is the chief of staff here. I am four months pregnant, and I am not happy, so I suggest that you do something soon, or I will have your job," Emily said with steely confidence that reflected her Quartermaine upbringing. She hung up the phone.
"Nice to see you have some backbone," Carly commented.
Emily chose to ignore the comment and moved back to Sly. "They said they have to call someone to repair it. I'm not sure how long it will be."
"Typical incompetent G.H.," Carly complained.
Meanwhile, Lucky was trying to keep himself from completely breaking down. He could barely stand the way that Sly was staring at him. He saw the look of utter betrayal in his eyes, and he knew he put it there. Then there was the enclosed space that they were in. It reminded him too much of the compound. Thank God that there were still lights in the elevator, though.
Emily took Sly's hand, and it was ice cold. All of the color had drained from his face, and his brown eyes were fixed directly on Lucky. She could tell something was wrong, but what? As far as she knew, Sly and Lucky had grown apart, but they weren't enemies. However, the look on Sly's face told her otherwise. There had to be more to the situation than she realized.
Sly couldn't stop looking at Lucky no matter how hard he tried. He kept searching his face for something. He was trying to figure out how he could have done it. How could Lucky have hurt him that way? A part of him was sure that Lucky didn't really mean to do it. He just snapped, that's all. He needed to know that Lucky was sorry, that he regretted what he did. But he didn't see any recognition, any regret, just extreme discomfort. Lucky's eyes avoided Sly's gaze, and it just frustrated him more. He doesn't even care, Sly thought. He doesn't care.
Carly observed the occupants of the elevator. Her eyes first rested on Emily, her former sister in law. She unconsciously touched her own midsection with a pang of regret. She often thought of the baby she and Sonny lost. Of course, the baby wasn't planned, but that didn't mean she didn't love it. Life just wasn't fair. Why did Emily's baby get to survive while hers died? Carly mentally reminded herself that Emily's baby was actually related to her. She turned her attention to the man standing next to Emily, Sly Eckert. He was moderately tall, with short, messy blond hair. She couldn't get a good look at his eyes to see what color they were. He vaguely reminded her of Luke, but he didn't look exactly like him.
She could see Sly staring at Lucky, who was standing uncomfortably in the corner. Lucky shifted in his spot as he avoided looking at Sly. Carly could tell that being in the elevator with Sly bothered Lucky. The tension was obvious between the two of them.
An uncomfortable silence fell over the group. It was too quiet. Somebody say something, Lucky thought. Say something, say something…
"How are you, Lucky?" Emily finally asked. She felt Sly's hand tense around hers, but she tried to give it a reassuring squeeze.
Lucky looked into Emily's eyes and saw no anger there, no shame or disappointment. It was obvious that Sly hadn't told her about how he hurt him. Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to hide her disgust. That's certainly how Lucky felt. Still, he was grateful she said something. Now he had to think of something to say back, something that attempted to convey to Sly how sorry he was, but the words just wouldn't come. "I'm doing better," he said finally. He winced internally. That was lame, Spencer, lame.
"Well, that's good to hear," Emily said. "We're happy for you," she said in an attempt to alleviate some of the nervous tension between Lucky and Sly, but it didn't seem to work. Sly continued to stare at Lucky.
Why is he staring at Lucky like that? It must really unnerving, Carly thought. Maybe it would be better to distract him. "Well, you must be the famous Sly," Carly said dryly. "I haven't heard much about you."
Sly was shaken out of his trance by Carly's words. He moved his gaze to her. "Same here," he said quickly. Then his eyes returned to Lucky. As hard as he tried not to, he couldn't stop looking at him. Carly noticed.
"There you go again. Is there something wrong?" she said defensively.
"Excuse me?" Emily asked, her tone matching Carly's.
"He keeps staring at Lucky. It's weird. Do you have a problem?" Carly moved closer to Lucky, who looked up at her. She wasn't sure exactly what she saw in his eyes, but she was pretty sure that it was panic.
Sly bit back a response; instead, he turned around and punched one of the elevator walls, shocking everyone. "Damn," he cursed as he felt the pain rush through his hand and up his arm. I am just doing this to keep myself in check, he thought. I am just clearing my head.
Emily didn't know what to do. "Are you all right, Sly?" she asked in a small voice.
He turned to look at her, and she could see that he wasn't. He looked desperate and scared.
Carly saw Lucky jump when Sly punched the wall. She put a hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him. She turned to look at Sly. "That's right, tough guy. You think violence is going to solve all your problems?"
Carly's words cut to the bone. He angrily turned around. "I don't know. Why don't you ask Lucky?"
Emily was scared and confused. It was clear that both Sly and Lucky knew something that she and Carly didn't. She did know that they were both hurting over it. But what did Sly mean, ask Lucky?
Carly looked back to Lucky, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. She was frustrated. She turned to Sly. "Stop being so damn cryptic, cuz, and say what you mean."
Sly didn't want to tell them. He didn't want to shatter their illusions about Lucky; however, he couldn't hold it in any longer. "Why don't you ask him about the last time we met on the docks? Huh? Why don't you ask him how it felt when he was beating me?"
Emily gasped. No, she thought. This can't be true.
Carly didn't believe him. "You're a liar. Lucky would never hurt anyone." She moved protectively to Lucky's side.
Lucky felt as if the walls were closing in on him. He couldn't look at Sly. Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, he silently prayed.
Sly was shaking with anger. He continued to look at Lucky. "What was it like, Lucky? Did it feel good when your fist connected with my face over and over again? Huh?" He was moving closer and closer to Lucky in the small elevator.
Emily was concerned about how close Sly was to Lucky. Sly wouldn't lie about something like this, she thought sadly. "Sly, why don't you back up a bit?" she asked as calmly as she could.
Sly didn't move. He continued to speak to Lucky. "I am sick of protecting you, Spencer. I am tired of pretending that this didn't happen. Well, you know what? Perfect Lucky isn't so perfect. You're capable of hurting people just like the rest of us."
Lucky looked up into Sly's eyes for the first time. He could see Sly's anger, but there was something else. It was shame, and it was fear. His own cousin was afraid of him. Lucky cursed himself for doing whatever he had done to cause Sly so much pain, and he cursed himself because he still couldn't remember.
Sly was gratified that Lucky finally looked him in the eyes. He could tell he might be getting through to him. "Why, Lucky? Why?" Sly said, his voice cracking slightly.
Carly was beyond confused by what was taking place. She looked at Emily, who was trying valiantly not to cry. "I don't believe you," she said again.
Sly barely heard Carly. He was focused completely on Lucky. "Why did you make me beg you to stop?" he shouted. "Why did you tell me that I deserved to be beaten by my grandfather? Why?"
Carly's mind was spinning. Sly was abused, and Lucky said he deserved it? No, no. This is too twisted. This isn't Lucky.
Lucky backed into a corner, and he started to hyperventilate.
Sly persisted. "You can't avoid me, Lucky." He moved even closer, so they were face to face. "Are you feeling scared right now? Are you vulnerable?" Sly hated what he was doing, but he couldn't take it any longer. "That's good. Now you know how I felt. How I still feel. I want you to hurt just like I did!"
Suddenly, the elevator was plunged into total darkness, and Lucky let out a piercing scream. "No! God, no!" He fell to the floor.
Everyone was shocked at the lightlessness, and Lucky's scream. Carly groped in the darkness, until she found his arm. He was shaking violently. "Lucky, calm down. The lights are out. It's going to be ok."
Lucky jerked away from Carly. "Let me out! Let me out!" he screamed.
Sly stumbled backward in the darkness. Oh, God, he thought. I pushed him too far. He searched the darkness for Emily's hand, which he found easily.
Emily could feel Sly shaking. What he had confessed was too awful. It was almost unbelievable. How could Lucky do this to him? At the same time, her heart went out to him because of his painful cries.
"Don't hurt them! I'll do anything you want, but don't hurt them!" Lucky shouted, lost in another world.
Even in the darkness, Carly recognized what was happening to Lucky. It was just like when he broke down in Kelly's. Something triggered a memory. Lucky was back wherever he was kept by Helena and Faison.
"Lucky, Lucky, listen to me. You're here with me, Carly. You are in Port Charles, and you're at the hospital. No one's going to hurt you, or anyone else." She grabbed his hand, and squeezed it. "You're not in danger. You're safe."
Lucky vaguely heard Carly's words through the haze of his memories. He felt the cold linoleum floor of the elevator car.
"Can you hear me, Lucky?" Carly said, hoping her own fear wasn't showing.
"Yes," Lucky whispered. You're ok, you're ok, he thought silently. You're with your family. You're safe. He could feel his eyes growing adjusted to the darkness. He saw Carly's concerned face looking back at him.
"Hey, we're going to get out of here just as soon as we can," Carly sighed, grateful that Lucky was back from his own figurative darkness.
Sly sank to the floor out of exhaustion and buried his face in his hands. He didn't mean to really hurt Lucky. He just wanted to know why.
Emily slowly sat down on the elevator's floor as well. Her feet were beginning to hurt from standing there so long. Her heart ached for Sly. It must have been positively horrifying for him when Lucky was beating him. She could only imagine what he must have been thinking, but something was tugging at her heart. From the way Lucky reacted just now, and from what Elizabeth had told her previously made her think that maybe Lucky wasn't himself when he did that to Sly. Maybe he wasn't able to control himself, or maybe he was remembering something from his time in captivity. She knew in her heart that Lucky would never willingly hurt someone like that, especially not Sly. Just then, Lucky started to speak.
"They would turn the lights on and off without warning."
Everyone turned to look at Lucky. He continued. "Sometimes they would leave them off for hours, days. It was just another thing that they could control. I had absolutely no sense of time." Lucky wasn't even sure why he was talking, but he had to say something, or the memories would eat him alive. "Then, on a whim, they would throw me in a room. It was the smallest place I've ever been in. Actually, it was more like a grave."
Carly felt her blood run cold at Lucky's descriptions. It reminded her a little of when Sonny talked about his childhood, and how she wanted to take him in her arms and tell him everything would be all right, even if she didn't really have that power.
"And I would be in that room for long stretches of time. It felt like days, and maybe it was. I couldn't see a thing, and I could barely move."
Emily bit her lip as she started to cry silently. No one deserved to be abused; not Lucky, and not Sly.
"They would starve me. I wouldn't eat for days. It was the kind of hunger that consumed your mind. All you could think about was food, and how much you needed it." His voice was shaky as he continued. "And that room, that room was rigged. They controlled the temperature. Sometimes I froze, sometimes I could barely stand the heat." Lucky wiped a stray tear that fell down his cheek. "Then they would send down the water. Sometimes it was ice cold, and sometimes it was scalding hot. Just gallons and gallons of water pouring down, burning me. I would scream, and I would scream, and it did no good. It didn't do any good!"
Sly felt himself shaking even harder. He knew what it was like to have his screams of pain go unanswered. This was the first time he really understood the depth of what his cousin went through.
"Eventually, it was like you told me, Sly. Somehow, you got used to the pain. I expected it; it was my heritage."
Sly was surprised to hear his words from another time repeated back to him. He had used them to describe living with his grandfather. Sly then knew he was more right than he realized. Lucky did hurt just like he did. Maybe his scars weren't visible, but they were there, just like his.
"I'm so sorry, Sly," Lucky choked out. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it. I don't know because I don't remember! I don't remember anything that you're telling me."
"What?" Sly whispered.
"I don't remember. But I know that's no excuse. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" Lucky cried. Carly took him in her arms as he sobbed.
Sly could barely comprehend what Lucky said. He didn't remember? It was too weird. But maybe, just maybe, that wasn't really Lucky at all. Maybe it was the conditioning that he went through at the hands of Helena. He felt Emily's hand on his cheek, and she wiped away his tears. She knew he must be impossibly confused. Then she took his hand and placed it on her rounded stomach. "Remember what's real," she whispered. "Remember that there are people who love you, who need you."
Emily could feel Sly shaking against her, much like the night after the confrontation with her parents. She wished she could help him, and help Lucky.
Carly gently held Lucky and rocked a bit back and forth. It always helped when Michael was crying. Likewise, Lucky held onto Carly for dear life, fighting to stay in the present.
Everyone felt the uncomfortable silence. Suddenly, Emily spoke up. "Sly, sing me a song."
Sly turned his head in surprise. "What?"
"Sing for us. I can tell the baby's a little nervous right now, too, and I think a song will help to calm all of us down." She tried to look at his face to gage his reaction. "Please?"
Sly moved a bit, but nodded his head. "Ok." He cleared his throat as he tried to think of something appropriate, then he decided on something. He began to sing very softly.
When the last rose of summer
pricks my finger
And the hot sun chills me to the bone
When I can't hear the song for the singer
And I can't tell my pillow from a stone
Lucky felt emotionally drained by the whole experience. He had never told anyone about his experiences voluntarily before. He just felt he had to share it. He leaned back against the wall of the elevator, but Carly never let go of his hand. Then he started to listen to Sly softly singing.
I will walk alone by the black
muddy river
And sing me a song of my own
I will walk alone by the black muddy river
And sing me a song of my own
Lucky recognized the song. He couldn't believe how appropriate it was. He surprised himself and everyone else by joining in. His voice mixed with Sly's as they continued.
When the last bolt of sunshine
hits the mountain
And the stars start to splatter in the sky
When the moon splits the southwest horizon
With the scream of an eagle on the fly
Sly couldn't believe that Lucky was singing with him. He tried not to think about it. This was for his child. For my baby, he thought, as he continued to sing.
I will walk alone by the black
muddy river
And listen to the ripples as they moan
I will walk alone by the black muddy river
And sing me a song of my own
Sly and Lucky's voices mixed together in a tight harmony. They ebbed and flowed; they chased each other. Emily could feel already that the baby was starting to relax. It was the strangest sensation. Somehow, she just knew.
Black muddy river
Roll on forever
I don't care how deep or wide
If you got another side
Roll muddy river
Roll muddy river
Black muddy river roll
Both Sly and Lucky heard their voices catch on the last verse:
When it seems like the night
will last forever
And there's nothing left to do but count the years
When the strings of my heart start to sever
And stones fall from my eyes instead of tears
Carly could hear the song take on a more hopeful turn. She couldn't believe how good their voices sounded together. It was almost spiritual.
I will walk alone by the black
muddy river
And dream me a dream of my own
I will walk alone by the black muddy river
And sing me a song of my own
Lucky and Sly felt their voices naturally harmonize together. For the first time in forever, they felt connected, and both of them knew it.
And sing me a song of my own
Suddenly, the lights of the elevator came on, and the car actually started to move. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as they felt it start to go down. They rose from the floor.
Soon, it came to a stop at the bottom floor, and the doors opened. A man approached. "We are so sorry for the inconvenience. It was an electrical problem within the elevator shaft."
The four slowly exited the elevator. "Thank goodness that's over," Carly said wearily. She pulled Emily aside for a minute. "You were great with Sly in there," she whispered, perhaps against her better judgment.
"And you knew just how to get through to Lucky. You made a tense situation a lot better, Carly," Emily said softly. Even if she and Carly didn't always see eye to eye, no one could deny how much she helped Lucky. "So, thanks."
Carly laughed. "I think we should mark the date: Carly Corinthos and Emily Quartermaine are actually civil with each other."
"Well, I guess close quarters will do that." Emily nodded her head. "Look at them."
Sly and Lucky had walked a little ahead of Carly and Emily. They exited the building first. Lucky was ready to shout for joy at being outside again, but instead, he looked at Sly. They both stood apprehensively for a moment, but then they spoke at the same time.
"I'm sorry," they both said. They locked their gazes for a second.
"It's not going to be easy to forget what you did," Sly said honestly.
"I don't expect you to," Lucky said sincerely.
"But I didn't mean to push you like that either," Sly said apologetically.
"I know," Lucky nodded. "It's a first step, that's all."
Sly nodded. "So maybe I'll see you sometime?"
"When you're ready," Lucky said, breathing in the cold, fresh air, and looking at the last of the fading sunlight. He looked again at Sly. "You're going to be a father?"
Sly nodded. "Yeah," he whispered.
"Wow," Lucky sighed. "I have a question, though. How did we sound so good singing together? We never practiced."
Sly smiled softly. "It's called blood harmony. People who are related to each other have a special consistency to their voices sometimes. They go together well, and the harmony is tight and almost effortless."
Carly and Emily emerged from the building. Carly walked over to Lucky. "Are you feeling ok? Would you like to go home?"
"Hey, I don't want to miss out on Sonny's gourmet cooking, now do I? I'd still like to come," Lucky smiled.
Carly could see that his smile was mixed with pain, the pain of the last few years. Somehow, though, that made it all the sweeter. "Then let's go." She smiled at Emily and Sly. "It was nice to meet you, cousin."
Sly nodded. "Let's meet somewhere more hospitable next time." He looked at Lucky one more time before he walked away. The road would be long, but maybe they could rebuild the absolute trust they once had.
Emily took his hand. "Are you ok?"
Sly smiled at Emily, and his heart felt full of love for her, and their child. He kissed her gently on the cheek. "I never would have gotten through that without you here."
"You're stronger than you realize, Sly Eckert."
"Maybe. But you bring out the best in me. You're my heart. Don't ever forget that."
Emily linked her arm through Sly's.
"Come on, let's go." They walked arm in arm into the sunset.
Song Credit: "Black Muddy River" Words by Robert Hunter; music by
Jerry Garcia.
From the album, "In the Dark" by the Grateful Dead. A wonderful version
is also on Bruce Hornsby's album, "Here Come the Noise Makers."