When your passions are unbridled,
Your senses are dulled,
And your inhibitions lost.
I find myself thinking I can do anything.
And the most wonderful ideas,
Come out and play.
The world is beautiful when it's dark out.
There's no sun to point out the problems,
The inaccuracies,
The incompatibilites,
The absurdities,
The cracks in the fine china.
But I'm always too tired
To really write them down.
To remember them.
To think about them later.
That's why I'm writing this.
It's almost midnight
And my mind is racing at the speed at light.
This isn't the first time its happened,
But it is the first time I've recorded what I experience.
I'm going to change my life tomorrow.
I'm going to eat less tomorrow.
I'm going to exercise more tomorrow.
I'm going to be more outgoing tomorrow.
I'm going to be honest with everyone tomorrow
I'm going to find love tomorrow.
And as I write this, it becomes tomorrow.
It's time to rest this weary soul for eight hours.
See what things look like in the morning.
If they look at all.
I won't remember any of this.
The only record
Is this paper I wrote in the middle of the night
That defines me as a person.
And every morning this serves as a rememberance
Of what I need to do to become
Inexplicably perfect.
My ideas about myself have been recorded
Will I follow the rules I have set out?
Will these words follow me?
Should they?
When I look at this tomorrow night
I will say
Yes; I have succeeded in becoming a better person
For others
And more importantly,
Myself.
Every day we should strive to better ourselves
And that is the meaning of life
At least it is at the age of eighteen
To a homosexual
To a man of passion
To a man of art
To a good person
To a wit
To an intellectual
To a realist
To one who fears embarrasment
To a jealous virgin
To one who knows how important friends are
To one who sees the ugliness in every situation
To me
I found a meaning that is good for now.
And it might change the next minute.
And it will certainly be different when I wake up.
But I like it;
And it will serve me while I revise it in my head
Every moment of my life.
The meaning of life is everchanging.
I just revised the meaning again and it works.
But I'm tired and shutting down.
While the meaning doesn't.
And as long as I'm alive, It never will.
